tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5077773.post5286639010702385507..comments2024-03-26T15:22:25.095-06:00Comments on The Earliad: Not I, the JuryEarl J. Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07963936256606285358noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5077773.post-82815903201425925922013-04-20T21:33:29.205-06:002013-04-20T21:33:29.205-06:00Thank Queen Mab! It's Shakespeare's famou...Thank Queen Mab! It's Shakespeare's famous speech for Mercutio in "Romeo And Juliet" with some Earl references thrown in. I thought that Earl would make a tremendous Mercutio, and I dimly recalled from C LIT (Hooray for the U of A to have a program with that name in capital letters!!) that the speech had mention of lawyers in it. Instant blog comment. <br /> "Jeffdemption II"noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5077773.post-59172047833911087452013-04-19T23:22:34.081-06:002013-04-19T23:22:34.081-06:00I find it irksome that so many of the comments on ...I find it irksome that so many of the comments on your blog are superior to most of the actual posts on my own... Iambic pentameter for pity's sake? Well done Jeff!Stephen Fitzpatrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377636491269666540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5077773.post-60305801570206177632013-04-18T21:03:38.457-06:002013-04-18T21:03:38.457-06:00I didn't buy a lottery ticket, but I should. I...I didn't buy a lottery ticket, but I should. I'd use it to have Jeff's play excerpt printed on a faux-aged scroll and mounted in some artful way. That'd look great in my office. Earl J. Woodshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07963936256606285358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5077773.post-36994178660747054482013-04-18T19:55:32.902-06:002013-04-18T19:55:32.902-06:00I've been called thrice. First time all three ...I've been called thrice. First time all three got cancelled or moved to judge-only trials.<br /><br />Second time was two trials...not called up for either.<br /><br />Third time was three trials with multiple call-ups...but not me. A gal got called up and rejected all three trials. Weird. Oh, and the judge looked like Carol Burnett.King Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01549915427200751212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5077773.post-91125913261756484662013-04-18T16:45:48.596-06:002013-04-18T16:45:48.596-06:00It's interesting to note that while Earl expre...It's interesting to note that while Earl expressed his story with a tone of noir, most legal experts prefer to express themselves with Shakespearean idiom:<br /><br />"Much Ado That Ends Well", III, ii, 1, go: <br /><br />THE LAWYER:<br /><br />"O, then, I see Earl Woods hath been with you.<br /> He is the muses' consort, and he comes<br /> In shape no bigger than a two inch name card<br /> In the hand of a paralegal,<br /> Drawn hither by his salt-soaked Kia<br /> Athwart civic parking lots of underground asphalt;<br /> The wagon-spokes made of plastic,<br /> The bumper of another sort of plastic,<br /> The steering wheel yet another plastic,<br /> The seatbelt of cleverest woven plastic,<br /> His I-Pod plastic; his money in his suit;<br /> His reading material of hard-boiled purpose,<br /> Not half so tough as Marlowe though,<br /> Picked from the bookshelf superabundant:<br /> His shoes the chariots of his feet<br /> Made by the joiner squirrel Adidas,<br /> Time out o’ mind the muses' shoemakers.<br /> And in this state he gallops night by night<br /> Through zombies’ brains, and then they dream of brains anon;<br /> O’er courtiers’ knees, that dream on naughty spanking games,<br /> O’er lawyers’ fingers, who straight dream on fees,<br /> O’er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream,<br /> Which oft the wordly Earl with pun-nishment plagues,<br /> Because their breaths with sweets from Timmy's tainted are:<br /> Sometime Earl gallops o’er a barrister's nose,<br /> And then dreams he of smelling out a suit;<br /> And sometime comes Earl with a shelled peanut<br /> Placing it a person's ear as a’ lies asleep,<br /> Then dreams he of hearing goobers:<br /> Sometime Earl driveth o’er a Romulan brother's neck,<br /> And then dreams he of photon torpedoes,<br /> Of hull breaches, warp drive overloads, shield modulations,<br /> Of staccato warps along z-axis planes; and then anon<br /> Starfleet earpiece in his left ear, at which he starts and wakes,<br /> And being thus frighted swears a prayer or two<br /> And sleeps again. This is that very Earl Woods<br /> That rolls the fate of bards in the night,<br /> And bakes the company inadvertantly in wizards' eldritch lightnings,<br /> Which once untangled, much misfortune bodes:<br /> This is the stud, when maids lie on their backs,<br /> That presses them and learns them first to bear,<br /> Making them women of good carriage:<br /> This is he!"<br /><br />THE JUDGE:<br /><br /> "For whence he stood before the bench<br /> My baleful stare I did Earl drench<br /> He showed to me no obvious flaw<br /> I Am Judge Dredd; I Am The Law!" <br /><br />"Jeffdemption II"noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5077773.post-38946321896245142192013-04-18T16:27:41.675-06:002013-04-18T16:27:41.675-06:00But did you buy a lottery ticket?But did you buy a lottery ticket?Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07179356784364968422noreply@blogger.com