American Pictureshoppe

When I first realized that Hillbilly Handfishin' was a real television program and not a parody of reality shows, my mind boggled. Since television producers are obviously in desperate need of more content - and the more cheaply produced, the better - here's my latest fake television show for The EW: American Pictureshoppe. The network will solicit funny (?) image manipulations from the public and play them slideshow-style while a goofy narrator makes snide remarks. Ladies and gentlemen, the future of television, produced for maybe a thousand bucks an episode.

Raising the Stakes for Superman

Here's the latest trailer for Man of Steel. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, especially in light of my disappointment with Star Trek Into Darkness, but there's one line in this clip that makes me feel as though there's a chance the filmmakers understand how to provide a compelling threat to an indestructible character:

"For every one you save, we'll kill a million more." 

This is what makes Superman a compelling character to me. You may not be able to hurt him with brute force, but you can hurt him by attacking what he loves - and he loves people. With his abilities he could set himself up as a dictator and indulge every pleasure, but because he was raised right he just wants to be a regular guy and help. On Earth, S stands for skepticism, which is how I feel about most Zack Snyder films, but since S means "hope" on Krypton, I'm allowing myself to get excited. This look like it'll be really good.

Medical Ethics in the 23rd Century

WARNING! This post contains SPOILERS for Star Trek Into Darkness. 

If you haven't seen the film, don't read this post! 

In my review of Star Trek Into Darkness, I alluded to problems with the film's story logic. My friend Steve emailed me to discuss the issue further, and in the course of that discussion I realized the film had two more glaring problems.

Near the end of the film, Kirk dies in the exact same way Spock died in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. In a truly cringe-worthy moment, Spock screams "KHHHAANNNN!" and runs off to have his vengeance, beaming down to chase Khan across San Fransisco. But Doctor McCoy realizes that Khan's genetically engineered blood could be used to revive Kirk. In a bit of hit-you-over-the-head foreshadowing, earlier in the film McCoy injected Khan's blood into a dead tribble. Why? That's never clearly explained. Just as Kirk's cold corpse reaches sickbay, the formerly dead tribble, sensing a dramatic moment, begins to coo, miraculously revived. McCoy calls Spock and says "We need Khan alive! He's Kirk's only chance!"

So instead of killing Khan, Spock and Uhura knock out the bad guy, bring him back to the Enterprise and Kirk is saved.

Earlier in the film, Spock serves as Kirk's conscience, reminding the captain that it is immoral to assassinate suspects, that they must be brought to justice to stand trial. Spock's morals suddenly fly out the window when his best friend is killed, and only when he learns that Khan's blood is useful does he quell his thirst for blood...well, sort of, because he brings Khan back to the ship for a transfusion.

We don't see the medical procedure that saves Kirk. But given that Khan was unconscious when he was beamed to the Enterprise, we're left wondering if McCoy just took the blood right then and there and performed the transfusion without asking. Time was of the essence, after all, and having just tried to kill everyone on the Enterprise it seems unlikely Khan was in a giving mood. This may be why the filmmakers glossed over the actual procedure.

But consider this. Minutes ago, Spock had saved all of Khan's followers. Khan admitted earlier that Kirk seems to have a conscience, so the stage had already been set for what might have been a pretty cool scene: McCoy refuses to perform the procedure without Khan's permission. Spock orders McCoy to wake up Khan. McCoy asks for permission, Khan refuses, Spock notes that he saved all of Khan's friends and further notes that Khan must have had at least some respect for Starfleet and the Federation at some point, having worked for them for months. Khan begrudgingly agrees, saving Kirk. He's still a mass murderer, but at least this way his character gets a tiny bit more nuance and the audience isn't left wondering if their heroes only have ethics and morals when it's convenient.

Would this have messed up the film's pacing? Maybe, but the last third was such a mess that I hardly think yet another scene would have made it significantly worse. At the very least the tradeoff helps cement the point that the filmmakers tried and failed to make with this film - that good people are supposed to do the right thing even when it's hard.

An Effect in Search of a Purpose

I shot this photo of my parents' rooftop a few years ago, and wrote the text tonight. I had no particular purpose in mind, just the notion that the sky in the background seemed empty, wanting for prose. And so I supplied some. I'm certain a real artist could put this effect to good use.

Star Trek Into Darkness Review

WARNING: This review is loaded with SPOILERS. If you have not seen Star Trek Into Darkness, see the film before reading!

Like many modern Hollywood movies, Star Trek Into Darkness is almost impossible to judge on its own merits. It is the product of a society obsessed with fear of the other in a time when popular culture is folding back in upon itself. This combination of circumstances results in a film nearly crippled by its thematic contradictions. As originally conceived, Star Trek (the television series) was meant to show that human beings had reason to be optimistic about their future. But despite this film's attempts to claim otherwise, Star Trek's original utopian vision has been subverted by a culture that no longer believes in the show's core message. In other words, Captain sir, we're all doomed...

Star Trek Into Darkness opens strongly, with the Enterprise on a mission of mercy. Captain Kirk breaks some rules to save the indigenous peoples of the planet Nibiru, only to have Spock tattle on him and get him in trouble with their mutual mentor, Admiral Pike, former Captain of the Enterprise and now a Starfleet bigwig. Kirk is busted down a step in rank, relieved of command of the Enterprise, and Spock is transferred to another ship (the USS Bradbury, in a nice nod to one of SF's greatest writers). And while Kirk is clearly deeply wounded by the demotion, he knows that he made the moral choice.

The early part of the film does a good job of answering some of the open questions of Star Trek (2009). Kirk's rapid promotion from cadet to captain is seen by some as perhaps not a good thing, a realistic reaction to the events of the first film. Kirk is shown as something of a womanizer, a reputation somewhat undeserved in William Shatner's iteration of the character, but one that's taken literally here. However, given this new Kirk's tragic upbringing, it's understandable that Chris Pine's version of the iconic hero would find comfort in the arms of (several) women. This Kirk is still brash and arrogant, not at all the cool professional fans remember from the 1960s. 

It's clear that in this film Kirk will be put through the crucible to find some maturity. But because this is 2013, Kirk's journey will occur through the lens of global terrorism. A suicide attack on future London, followed by an assault that kills one of Kirk's loved ones, sets the scene for Kirk's character arc. Will he be consumed by the need for vengeance, or will he grow into the captain that we remember?

At first it seems as though Kirk will indeed succumb to the need for revenge. He makes a personal request to a top-ranking admiral to get his command back so that he can go after the terrorist, revealed to be John Harrison, a Starfleet agent gone rogue. Surprisingly, the admiral agrees.

I was pleasantly surprised by a couple of plot points here. A society-altering piece of technology invented by Scotty in the first film turns up again, much to the surprise of jaded viewers who are used to such plot devices being used once and forgotten. And the admiral gives Kirk a blatantly illegal order - essentially telling Kirk to perform a drone strike against their target, who's holed up in a neutral location. Not only would this violate another planet's sovereignty, it could start a war - and besides, as Spock and other Enterprise crew members point out, assassinating a suspect goes completely against Federation principles. Scotty even resigns his commission in protest.

Here is where the film comes closest to capturing the spirit of the original show. As in the original series, the writers have placed a science-fiction gloss over modern issues to highlight the importance of making morally correct choices, even when it would be easier and more satisfying to give in to our darker impulses. The moment Kirk decides to disobey orders and arrest Harrison instead of simply killing him from afar shows vividly that Kirk is starting to become a true hero.

Once Harrison is in custody, however, the film begins to fall apart, degenerating into a never-ending series of action set pieces and unnecessary callbacks to earlier Trek lore. As in Star Trek (2009), the creators get so caught up in keeping the pace fast and furious that they make elementary mistakes in story logic and basic science, inconsistencies that take viewers right out of the picture. One of the film's multiple false climaxes is a reverse homage of an earlier (better) film, an incomprehensible choice on the part of the filmmakers because the scene isn't powerful enough to stand on its own, and its presence can only remind viewers of the superior film. There is also a cringe-inducing moment that rivals Darth Vader's infamous "NOOOO" in Revenge of the Sith.

By film's end hundreds of people have died and Starfleet's reputation must lie in ruins. And yet the movie ends with an optimistic coda that tries - and, unfortunately, fails - to reaffirm the original show's utopian vision. Yes, Kirk and company are boldly going on a five year mission to seek out new life and new civilizations, but those words ring hollow when the film's subtext reinforces our modern era, one seemingly utterly devoid of the hope Star Trek is supposed to offer. Just as our leaders and media try to tell us that we live under constant threat from malevolent outsides, this film's version of Starfleet is identically paranoid. Not without cause, of course; the filmmakers have built a world in which the threats are real and the paranoia justified, which says something about how they view the real world here and now.

There's much to like in this film. The performances are outstanding, with a great deal of character-driven humour. Production design and visual effects show great imagination and audacity. Small nods to the larger Star Trek universe, including references to Enterprise (the show) and Deep Space Nine are very welcome. The first half of the movie sets up an interesting problem and treats the audience with respect.

Unfortunately, the film crumbles under the weight of its chosen theme and that theme's dissonance with Star Trek's core values. This movie wears Star Trek's face, and it even makes a fair attempt at emulating its structure and philosophy. But it doesn't believe in Star Trek, and it shows. Perhaps the world really has moved into darkness, and dreams of a better tomorrow are behind us.

Barrelling Along

Yesterday I took my camera out for a walk. I shot some birds and plants and rocks, and then I started trying to replicate an old trick I learned in junior high school: tracking a moving object while holding the shutter open in the hopes of producing an image featuring a sharp moving object against a blurred background. Well, I almost succeeded; the taxi here is certainly sharper than the background, but it's not exactly pin-sharp. Still, the effect remains interesting.

Universiade Tickets, 1983

Back in 1983, Edmonton hosted the Universiade, an international competition of university athletes. I was only 14 at the time we scored these tickets and not much interested in sports, but I was happy to see some of the spectacle. I remember nothing of the volleyball (the fact that the stub isn't missing seems to indicate that perhaps I didn't use the ticket), but I do recall the cycling vividly, perhaps because there was a mid-race crash that involved most of the riders.

What amuses me most is the price of the tickets. Even in 1983, paying six or eight dollars to see world-class athletes seems a bargain.

USS Bonaventure Patch

Since Star Trek Into Darkness gets its wide release today, this seems like an opportune time to mention my brief membership in the Edmonton Star Trek Society. In October 1987, a month into my first year at the University of Alberta, I stumbled across a meeting of the Society in one of the large lecture theatres in the Humanities building. Just as I arrived a young man sitting at the very top of the lecture hall carelessly tossed a soda can down to the first row, where it bounced painfully off the innocent skull of a Star Trek fan and model builder I'd later come to know as Barry Yoner. This seemed like my kind of place, so I joined the club and a couple of years later later became the second or third President of the spinoff University of Alberta Star Trek Club.

Before that happened, though, there were some fun times on the Bonaventure, the Society's imaginary starship. We once constructed a bridge and shot a short film based on the then-new Star Trek: The Next Generation. Ron Briscoe played Captain Picard by wearing a flesh-toned bowl on his head, and I think Tony Longworth played Commander Riker. I played myself, Ensign Woods, at the navigation station, drinking Coke while on duty as an in-joke reference to...oh boy, here's where it gets complicated. Let's just say that Star Trek fandom and a nascent Internet sometimes combined in very absurd ways.

I don't remember who designed this very handsome USS Bonaventure patch, but I think the design and execution still hold up very nicely. 

Anonymous Love Note, circa 1989

Back in the late 80s and early 90s, when I had all my hair and I was still fit, my friends used to tease me about my many girlfriends. Of course I had no girlfriends at all, but that didn't stop the teasing, including this anonymous note, slipped under my door at 139 Kelsey Hall sometime early in my third year of university. I'm pretty sure my friend Susan Shyluk (nee Neumann) was responsible for this light mocking. I was rather befuddled the morning I woke up and found the note. (I kept it all these years because I'm a sentimentalist.)

A little earlier - sometime in second year - I discovered that someone had slipped a girl's bracelet into the pocket of my jacket. Completely lacking in self-confidence and desperate for female companionship, my heart leaped - a girl liked me! Why else would she do such a thing? What a wonderfully cryptic and yet romantic gesture.

My hopes were dashed about an hour later, when my friend Kim (who, it can now be confessed, I was somewhat enamored with) knocked on my door and asked for her bracelet back. She'd stuffed it into my pocket because I'd left my jacket on the floor in the proximity of the volleyball court where she was playing, and my pockets provided a convenient place to stash her stuff.

I meekly handed over the bracelet. If I couldn't have True Love, the trust of a good friend was equally precious.

The Projects That Got Away

I've had a significant increase in freelance work over the past couple of weeks, so today I spent a couple of hours dealing with my accumulated office clutter. I can tolerate a certain amount of chaos in my workspace - in fact, I'm somewhat comforted by it - but there's a point at which the piles of stuff begin to interfere with your workflow.

As a result, I stumbled upon some of my old work for one of my former employers: outlines for two non-fiction books. I can't share the work here, since it was created while I was on the clock and not on my own time, but I can say the outlines are interesting reading - so interesting that I'm sorry we never got around to producing the books.

I've had a few work experiences like that over the years. The CBC pilot I co-hosted as a teenager could have gone to series, and I think we could have done some solid work. The non-profit I served in the 90s filled what I thought was an important niche, only to be swallowed up by a larger organization. And of course we could have done so much more at the Official Opposition had we sufficient resources.

Of course we live in an imperfect world, and so must make do with the capabilities at hand. Even with the various restrictions and realities I've experienced in my working life, I remain quite proud of 99 percent of the work I was involved with over the years - and even prouder of the people I worked with.

Besides, who says good ideas have to die? Maybe someday I'll write those books, if my old colleagues are amenable.

Seat of the Century

Mom and Dad are quite handy, particularly when it comes to renovating their yard and garden. When Sean and I visited Leduc for Mother's Day yesterday, we were surprised to see this new feature: an original horse-drawn mower seat, rescued from the Etsell farm many years ago by our Aunt Jean. Manufactured sometime in the 1920s, the seat and its supporting armature were quite dirty and rusted when Aunt Jean delivered it, but Mom and Dad painted it with John Deere colours and used lag bolts to mount it on a railroad tie. It's sturdy, comfy, and a colourful piece of family history.

Gaming & Guinness VIII: After All the Dies Are Cast

I'll conclude my summary of G&G VIII highlights with a few of the more amusing group photos. On to Ottawa for G&G IX in 2014!