Western Legends

Today Sean came over for a couple of games of Western Legends, a board game where you take on the role of an Old West figure of legend and perform deeds of deviltry or derring-do to become the greatest legend of the era. We played two games: Sean ran away with a massive victory in the first by finishing off his escapades with some rather intense carousing, and he won the second by a comfortable margin by arresting my character (Jesse James), mining tons of gold, and finishing off with some more revelry. 

This was the first game played in the library space I've been converting for some years now. There's finally space for a small gaming table, what's left of my physical books, and most of my Lego and gaming material. Perhaps I'll finish this project in time for retirement. 

We also screened two cult films: The Visitor, a truly off-the-wall quasi-religious science fiction spectacle from Italy starring John Huston, Glenn Ford, Lance Henriksen, and Shelley Winters; and Impulse, In which William Shatner chews the scenery as never before in a 1970s serial killer spectacle. 

A good day! 

Star Trek V: The Flimsy Frontier

Just before the climax of William Shatner's Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Captain James T. Kirk (Shatner again) asks a powerful noncorporeal being "What does god need with a starship?" When I attended the sneak preview in Edmonton back in 1989, the line got a good laugh; a deserved laugh, I think, thanks to Shatner's delivery and the point the line arrives in the story. It's a line that captures Kirk's justified skepticism, a line in keeping with the man's characterization through nearly 25 years of history to that point. On the other hand, the line is also a bit campy, appearing as it does in the rather ridiculous circumstances of this widely-panned Trek; maybe that's the true reason my audience laughed. Still, the original television series often veered into camp, and that never stopped it from asking insightful questions about the human condition. "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield," a painfully on-the-nose allegory about the tragedy of racism from Star Trek's third season, had its own share of camp--and yet, even today, the episode's message resonates despite the limitations of the production. Can the same be said for Star Trek V, over thirty years since its premiere? 

A Reach That Exceeded Its Grasp

Prior to the production of Star Trek V, Shatner's longtime costar Leonard Nimoy (who plays Kirk's old friend and first officer Spock), directed Star Trek III and IV; both were successful, and IV in particular was a true critical and box office hit. Shatner's contract included a clause guaranteeing him the chance to direct should that privilege be granted to Nimoy, so the fifth Star Trek film was destined to be directed by its primary star. Shatner must have felt intense pressure to craft a film even more successful than IV, and the story he conceived was ambitious enough to to the trick: Captain Kirk would take his ship, the Enterprise, to the centre of the galaxy in a search for the Divine itself. 

With the right screenplay and direction, such a story could have been quite interesting. Unfortunately, the screenplay is uneven; there are a couple of bright spots and a few moments of cringe, while the rest is simply bland. Shatner's direction is workmanlike and nowhere near the level of skill and creativity needed to match the scope of his intended story. Worse yet, for the first time in the Trek film series, the production design and special effects are seriously below par, enough to seriously distract from a story that absolutely demanded striking visuals. Even the normally excellent main cast perform below their true capabilities here; only guest player Laurence Luckinbill, playing Spock's half-brother Sybok, seems to be having any fun in this picture. In fact, the only aspect of this production that could reasonably be called "good" is the superb score by Jerry Goldsmith, a score that surely deserves a far better film. 

Star Trek V begins with a reasonably effective cold opening. A cloaked man on horseback gallops across a barren world and encounters an ancient farmer toiling at the unforgiving land. The rider promises the farmer an end to pain, and indeed he seems to lift the farmer's cares away with a telepathic touch. The rider laughs in delight at the farmer's tears of joy, and his hood falls back, revealing pointed Vulcan ears. "A laughing Vulcan?" gasps the farmer in wonder, for in the world of Star Trek, Vulcans are renowned for their suppression of emotion. Here we cut to the opening credit sequence, and after that we transition to Captain Kirk climbing the face of El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. It turns out that several members of the Enterprise crew are on Earth for shore leave; Kirk, Spock, and Doctor McCoy are camping in the park. In more capable hands, it might have been refreshing to see our heroes relaxing, but instead we're subjected to the kind of "light comedy" that produces groans instead of guffaws; there are fart jokes, misunderstandings of pop culture references, and a badly-executed moment of peril that's impossible to take seriously for two reasons: truly terrible special effects and the fact that Spock is wearing rocket boots, which he uses to effect a rescue. 

Thankfully an emergency recalls the crew back to the Enterprise, but we then discover that our proud ship is experiencing a torrent of wacky malfunctions, again played for comedic effect. But instead of being funny, the problems just make Starfleet, the Federation, and the Enterprise crew look incompetent, a perception cemented by Starfleet Command's decision to send the ship out on a dangerous mission despite Kirk's protests over the state of the ship. 

The mission? It seems that Sybok, the cloaked fellow from the cold open, has taken possession of the only city on Nimbus III, the "so-called 'Planet of Galactic Peace'" jointly governed by the Federation and its Cold-ish-War enemies, the Klingon Empire and the Romulan Empire. Spock reveals that Sybok is his (never before mentioned) half-brother, and that unlike other Vulcans, Sybok embraces emotions, making him a heretic in Vulcan society. 

The Enterprise arrives at Nimbus III. Keep in mind that the Enterprise, with a crew of over 500 that includes a large, well-armed, and very capable security team, is up against Sybok and a crew of ragtag, poorly-armed bandits. While it's true that Sybok has three important hostages (the diplomats from each government assigned to Nimbus III), which could perhaps hamper rescue operations, you'd think that this mission would still be pretty straightforward for Kirk and company. Except that they can't use the transporters because, of course, they're part of the malfunctions we saw earlier in the picture. So Kirk, Spock, Sulu, McCoy, Uhura, and a few security officers fly a shuttle down to Nimbus III to effect rescue. Poor Uhura gets to perform a striptease to distract the guards, an insulting character beat that I'm sure Nichelle Nichols couldn't have enjoyed much. (Though if she did, more power to her, but it's telling that none of the guys were asked for striptease duty.) 

Alas, despite all logic and reason, Sybok emerges victorious, capturing the landing party and commandeering their shuttle. He reveals his insidious plan: he took hostages on Nimbus III only to lure a starship to the planet so that he could hijack said starship and take it in search of Sha Ka Ree, which he believes is the centre of creation of the universe and the home of God. 

There's a brief moment of excitement when a Klingon Bird-of-Prey shows up in response to the crisis on Nimbus III, but rather than rescuing hostages, Captain Klaa is focused on blowing up Kirk's shuttle thanks to his previous crimes against the Klingon Empire. Sulu's ingenuity and skill get the shuttle safely back aboard the Enterprise, and there's a moment where it looks like Spock can take control of the situation from Sybok and end the crisis. Alas, doing so would mean killing Sybok, and Spock can't do it. Sybok uses his powers to take away the pain of Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov, putting them under his thrall, a moment of triple character assassination that's still hard to forgive. He tries the same thing on McCoy, Spock, and Kirk, but the three of them manage to resist, of course, because they're the headliners in this story. 

Sybok sticks the three of them in a jail cell while he takes the Enterprise to the centre of the galaxy. The trip seems to take about fifteen minutes. Yes, the ships in Star Trek are fast, but they're not supposed to be fast enough to cross thousands of light years in mere minutes. There's a lot of hullabaloo about "no ship has ever survived crossing the Great Barrier!" that apparently surrounds the centre of the galaxy, but of course the Enterprise crosses it without any fanfare. Furthermore, the vengeful Captain Klaa is right on their tail. 

Allow me a moment to digress. When I first saw the first trailer for Star Trek V, I was pretty excited, because that "great barrier" line, taken out of context, makes it sound like a reference to the Great Barrier around the edge of the galaxy shown in Star Trek's second pilot episode, "Where No Man Has Gone Before." I thought we might be getting a sequel to that tremendous episode, akin to the way in which Star Trek II followed up on "Space Seed." 

Alas, I think what happened is simply that Shatner forgot the location of the Great Barrier, sticking it at the galaxy's centre instead of surrounding its perimeter. 

At some point during all this nonsense, Mr. Scott breaks Kirk, Spock, and McCoy out of their cell. He knocks himself out on a bulkhead, to not only the actor's embarrassment bu to that of the entire audience. There's a chase with rocket boots that ends in recapture, but that's fine, Kirk convinces Sybok that since we're all here at the centre of the galaxy, let's go meet God together. 

Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Sybok take a shuttle down to the planet (the transporters are still broken) and they meet God, who turns out to be a floating head with the stern countenance of an old, white-bearded white guy. Sybok is elated and asks God for the secrets of the universe, but "God" remains suspiciously focused on bringing the Enterprise closer to the planet. It's at this point that Kirk asks why God needs a starship, and then the whole thing goes south; turns out the Great Barrier isn't to keep people out, it's to keep "God" imprisoned. Mortified, Sybok sacrifices himself to get into a sort of psychic wrestling match with the God entity, the transporter works just long enough to get McCoy and Spock back to the ship, then breaks down again so that Kirk has to run away. Just as God is about to smite Kirk, Captain Klaa's Bird of Prey shows up and blasts God to oblivion. The Klingons beam Kirk aboard and discover that Spock served as the ship's gunner; turns out the Klingon hostage was grateful for the initial rescue and demanded Klaa return the favour. In a better film, this turn of events might have raised thoughtful questions about the subtext of Spock killing God, but...this is not that better film. 

The Klingons and the humans have a nice cocktail hour on the Enterprise where they discuss the nature of God, who, as it turns out, is right here in the human heart. They resume their shore leave on Earth and sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" over the closing credits. 

In short, Star Trek V is a mess, undermining beloved characters, filled with lacklustre action beats, laughs that don't land, story beats that make no sense given established Star Trek canon, and production values that simply don't stand up for their era, let alone today. 

Hey, It's Better than Into Darkness

That being said, there are a few moments I like. Chekov has a decent moment in command of the Enterprise before he gets brainwashed. Sulu shines as the pilot of the shuttle. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy have some decent character beats together during their camping trip and their stay in the Enterprise brig. There are even a couple of camera moves that would have been impressive and really cinematic if William Shatner had had the resources to execute them properly. (I'm thinking in particular of the shot that ends with the antique ship's wheel in what appears to be the ship's lounge.) The score is lovely. Luckinbill is good. And at least there's some ambition here, something that got lost in some of the later Trek movies--Star Trek Into Darkness, Insurrection, I'm looking at you. 

Review: Visiting Hours (1982)

I went into Jean-Claude Lord's Visiting Hours (1982) with low expectations, but as it turns out this is a pretty effective slasher film set apart from the big slasher names of the 80s--the Friday the 13ths, the Halloweens, and the like. There are two major differences: there's not a hint of the supernatural in this story, and both villain and victims act in (from their different perspectives) reasonable and realistic ways.

Michael Ironside plays Colt Hawker, an unhinged psychopath who hates women, particularly strong women who advocate for themselves. Gradually, through a series of flashbacks spread throughout the film, we discover that Colt's mother attacked and disfigured Colt's father after suffering years of abuse from her husband. Those same flashbacks also imply, in subtle yet truly nauseating fashion, that Colt's father may have been sexually abusing their son. While this disturbing background doesn't excuse Colt's actions, it helps explain his twisted motivations.

Colt's breaking point, it seems, comes when television journalist Deborah Ballin (Lee Grant) advocates for an abused woman who was put on trial for defending herself from her husband. Station manager Gary Baylor (William Shatner) plays a supporting role as Deborah's rather ineffective boss and friend, and he's fascinating to watch, especially in contrast to his heroic turn in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan in the same year. Baylor is well-intentioned and advocates, somewhat weakly, for Deborah's right to speak out, but it's the women in this film who provide the strongest thematic and story opposition to Ironside's Colt.

First among them is Ballin, of course, who fights back gamely during Colt's initial attempted murder but winds up in the hospital, badly hurt and forced to endure an extended recovery before she'll be able to return to work - and to her advocacy for women's agency and rights. But interestingly, Ballin fades into the background for about the middle third of the picture, and in her place as protagonist steps nurse Sheila Munroe (Linda Purl). When Colt learns that Deborah Ballin is in hospital, he makes multiple attempts on her life in the hospital, killing other patients along the way, and he's foiled by Sheila, which puts her on his list of targets.

The focus shifts yet again as we follow Colt's grimy life outside murder, when he picks up a young woman named Lisa (Lenore Zann) and violently rapes and physically abuses her during what she thought was going to be a date. But Colt doesn't kill her, and she winds up in hospital under Shelia's care. We learn later on that Lisa took revenge offscreen by rounding up some of her friends to invade and trash Colt's apartment, an incident that occurs offscreen and is revealed only later in the film, but struck me as an interesting display of women's agency. (Perhaps even more fascinating, all three female leads are presented as single, either explicitly or via implication by absence.)

Lisa later becomes instrumental as her raid on Colt's apartment uncovers evidence of his crimes, which she hands off to Sheila. Unfortunately, Colt is one step ahead of everyone and sets a trap for her, gravely wounding the nurse and putting her, ironically, back in her own hospital. At this point, the focus shifts back to Deborah Ballin for the final confrontation. In the best traditions of the "final girl" trope, she of course dispatches Colt and sets the world right again....until the next slasher film comes out.

Many reviews of the era slammed Visiting Hours for its exploitative violence, and that's fair, particularly in Lisa's case; the scene where Colt assaults her is definitely exploitative and deeply discomfiting. On the other hand, most Lisa-like characters in this genre don't get to fight back and survive like Lisa does, which doesn't necessarily redeem the film, but I think speaks to its sincerity when it comes to the movie's central theme, that of female empowerment. I think it's very telling that none of the male characters, including alleged heroic lead Shatner (who's barely in the film, really) nor the scores of determined but hapless police officers, really contribute at all to the film's ultimate resolution. The collective bravery and actions of Deborah, Sheila, and Lisa lead directly to Colt's defeat. In effect, there are three "final girls" (and we really should be calling them "final women" if we're going to use the trope at all).

I wouldn't go so far as to call this a feminist movie (far from it!), but I think given the limits of the genre, it's more progressive than many similar films of that era. And it has other merits, of course--effective cinematography and production design, solid editing, and good performances all around, particularly from the women leads and Michael Ironside. It's no classic, but I think Visiting Hours deserves a better reputation than it has. 

Quick Takes: The Intruder

In The Intruder (Roger Corman, 1962), William Shatner delivers a delightfully hateful, coldly calculating, and ultimately unhinged performance as a racist who, with insidious charm and diabolical plots, riles up a southern town against the then-new integration of public schools.

The Intruder is cheaply made but powerful; its low budget and c-list distribution might very well have contributed to its frankness, because lacking in production value the screenplay and direction really had to sell the narrative. And a challenging narrative it is, holding nothing back when it comes to the open vitriol and hatred many whites had (and have) for their black neighbours. Kind old ladies, children, and respected businessmen alike toss around the n-word and hateful stereotypes openly and without provocation, assuming everyone with white skin shares the same views. And in this film, virtually everyone does, with exception of one public school teacher and the wavering newspaper editor and his wife and daughter.

This isn't an easy film to watch, because it doesn't gloss over deep-seated hate, nor is the ending really a happy one. Shatner's character gets run out of town when one of his schemes finally goes a little too far, yes, but with the exceptions noted above, the people of the community are as hateful as they were prior to Shatner's arrival. Its black citizens are no more welcome, especially the vulnerable black children and teens who will have to continue living with the hate and scorn they endure at the newly-integrated public school. 

The Intruder is an overlooked gem I'd never heard of until a few days ago, and while an uncomfortable watch, I think it's an important one. How far have we really come, deep down?

Earl's Celebrity Encounters

Circa 1984/85, Con-Version science fiction conventions, Calgary: Peter David (author, various media tie-in novels and popular comic books) secured autograph and exchanged a few words, Bjo Trimble (noted famous Star Trek fan, helped drive letter-writing campaign that forestalled cancellation of the original series), exchanged words in elevator; David Brin (author, Kiln Time, Earth, The Postman, etc.); witness to brief encounter in elevator when friend nearly backed into Brin's child)

1986, Edmonton car show: James Doohan (actor, Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Star Trek); presented him with a t-shirt I designed with Stephen Fitzpatrick; Doohan accepted the gift with great grace, even though the shirt was obviously several sizes too small

September 1987, Ottawa: Brian Mulroney, Prime Minster of Canada

Circa 1988/98, Edmonton science fiction convention: Mark Lenard (actor, Sarek, Star Trek); enjoyed brief 10-15 minute conversation, so starstruck I immediately forgot details

September 2010, Chateau Lacombe, Edmonton: James Cameron (director, The Terminator, Terminator 2, Aliens, Avatar, etc.), had brief chat as part of Official Opposition Leader David Swann's delegation during Cameron's visit to Edmonton and the oil sands

December 2010, University of Alberta: Ed Stelmach, Premier of Alberta

April 2016, Calgary Expo: William Shatner (actor, Star Trek), paid photo opportunity, exchanged a single warm-hearted phrase. 

The Stars in My Eyes

Letterboxd Pro tracks the films I watch, and from that database it's generated a list of my most-watched actors. I'm dismayed that there are only two women and one actor of colour on the list, but I'm unsurprised by the rest of the tally, save perhaps for the inclusion of Dick Miller, who as it turns out was in a bunch of 80s genre films I've seen. (In fact, I've actually seen 25 of his films - reviewing his list of credits reveals that I forgot to log InnerSpace, which I saw in theatres way back in 1987. It's these haphazard connections that have helped me make my Letterboxd inventory more accurate as time goes by.)

I didn't recognize Bess Flowers when Letterboxd first generated this list. As it turns out, she's one of Hollywood's most prolific actresses, appearing in over 700 films, including 23 Best Picture nominees, five of which won the award. Bess probably appears on a lot of Most Watched Stars list for this reason - if you're a film fan, it seems you can hardly avoid her. 

Calgary Expo 2016

A few months back, Sean asked if I was going to Calgary Expo. He and a friend were going down, and I decided that since this year marks the 50th anniversary of Star Trek and a lot of the guests acted on the various Star Trek shows and movies, it was an opportune year to head to Calgary.

On the drive down, I stopped in Red Deer to fortify myself with a burger from the new Peters' Drive-In location. It serves food every bit as good as the original Calgary location, with fewer parking hassles.

The economic downturn has hit Calgary pretty hard, which is perhaps the reason why I was able to book this sweet room at Le Germain downtown for about half the normal price.

I've decided that I really need one of these rain shower heads. So relaxing.

I didn't take any photos of the Expo itself the first night, opting instead to observe the camera etiquette. It turns out I needn't have worried; practically everyone was snapping photos left and right, careful to observe the rule prohibiting flash photography during panels. A high ISO setting takes care of that easily enough, but I learned too late to get any pictures of the one panel I attended Thursday night: a spotlight on Connor Trineer, who played Charles "Trip" Tucker on Star Trek: Enterprise. Star Trek: Voyager's Garret Wang hosted, and coaxed Trineer into telling a number of funny and fascinating stories about the short-lived spinoff, as well as his early days as a football player and budding stage actor.

I spent the next morning wandering the BMO Centre, examining the merchandise of hundreds of vendors who packed the halls to overflowing with geeky apparel, props, toys, books, games and art. I limited my purchases to a few grey market Lego minifigures and a couple of old Playmates Star Trek action figures to add to my collection. They're for stop motion movies, don't you know...

That's me above, waiting for the Spotlight on William Shatner panel to start. I really wasn't sure what to expect from the man made famous for playing Captain James T. Kirk; I worried that perhaps he might phone in his appearance, perhaps having grown sick of doing so many of these conventions.

But I was blown away. Shatner, as I perhaps should have expected, has incredible stage presence and charisma, and took control of the crowd the second he appeared. People make fun of Shatner's acting, but when you see him live it's easy to see he knows exactly what he's doing. He made a doubtlessly staged appearance by representatives of Canada Post appear completely ad-libbed, and reacted with seemingly genuine surprise and humility when they unveiled the new Captain Kirk stamp (available May 5 at all Canada Post outlets, by the way). Prompted by questions from the audience - most of which were about Boston Legal rather than Star Trek - Shatner waxed eloquent about filming in Canada, what it means to be Canadian, the importance of good works and taking care of our environment. It really was a marvellous performance, and that experience alone was worth the trip.

I didn't have much time to reflect on what I'd just seen, for my photo op with Shatner was scheduled right after the spotlight panel. I rushed over to the Agri-building and stood in line with hundreds of other fans. With machine-like precision, the Expo volunteers marched us along an assembly line-like path; after about an hour, I was presented with the man himself. I had only seconds to say something, and managed to say "Thank you for doing this, Mr. Shatner!" just barely in time to smile as the flash went off. Shatner winked at me and said "Pleasure," as I made way for the next guest. It was a fleeting moment, but one I'll never forget.

After that, I attended the Star Trek: Voyager spotlight with Garret Wang and Robert Duncan McNeill, or Harry Kim and Tom Paris as they were known on the show. Compared to Shatner's legendary presence, Wang and McNeill seemed almost subdued, which is unfair; they were entertaining, candid and thoughtful in their own right. Amusingly, they revealed that Tuvok and Neelix tormented their fellow crewmates by farting at every available opportunity. Wang and McNeill were delighted when discussions with the audience revealed the existence of Dildo, Newfoundland. Clearly Voyager humour is about as sophisticated as...well, mine.

Calgarian Brendan Hunter presented "So You Wanna Be a Voice Actor?", a panel I couldn't miss; I've been interested in the profession for quite some time. To my surprise, Hunter claims that with a little legwork a career in voice acting is a real possibility for anyone with the drive and desire; all you need is the ability, he says, to make sounds. Putting his audience to the test, Hunter passed around contact information and tips for those serious enough to take a stab at entering the profession. Dare I..?

Karl Urban, who plays Bones McCoy in the rebooted Star Trek films, as well as Judge Dredd in Dredd, was a great ambassador for both properties, promising plenty of the classic Spock/McCoy rivalry in the upcoming Star Trek Beyond and telling fans he's working hard to return to the role of Judge Dredd. I hope he's right; Dredd was a great action film, and there are plenty of stories left to tell in that setting.

I missed most of John Barrowman's (Dr. Who, Arrow) panel, but caught his superb finisher, a performance of a love song he wrote himself. It was so good I'm going to see if it's available for sale somewhere.

Brandon Routh (Superman Returns) was friendly and genuine, but didn't have as many good stories to tell as some of the other celebrity guests on hand; his youth might be working against him here. Still, he clearly treasures his experience playing Clark Kent, and seems earnest in his efforts to uphold the values embodied by that character.

Between panels, I spent a lot of time shopping and people watching. Here are some of the amazing costumes I saw:

Princess Jasmine in Arabian-themed Mandalorian armour.

"TV Head."

I'm not sure who she is, but the sign amused me.

Fallout!

A Canadian robot, perhaps inspired by Pacific Rim.

Assorted sword 'n sorcery types.

Some Stormtroopers and a Jawa.

A vile Decepticon.

The Justice League's resident magician, Zatanna.

A family of Lego super-heroes.

Lego Spider-Man vs. Dr. Octopus.

Dr. Octopus and the Lizard in mid-transformation.

And finally, Jay Garrick, the Golden Age Flash. Zoom!

This was the first science fiction convention I've attended since the 1990s. How things have changed. The crowds are exponentially larger and much, much more diverse, spanning all ages, cultures and, for lack of a better phrase, levels of geekhood. Calgary Expo is clearly a mainstream event, and much the better for it.

Will I go again? Absolutely, except next time I'll take Monday off, too. 

OMG Captain Kirk

Too Sick for Shatner

Sean and I were supposed to go see William Shatner live at the Shaw Conference Centre tonight, but my head cold has gotten worse every day since Wednesday. With the beginning of the fall legislative session looming, I have no choice but to focus on recuperating.

Needless to say, I'm very disappointed. I don't really care about the wasted $110 (although, ouch), but I was looking forward to an outing with my brother and to seeing a pop culture icon in person. I'm not much for celebrity worship, but Shatner played Captain Kirk, for crying out loud. It would have been cool to hear him speak to a live audience.

Maybe I'll get another chance to see him in the future. In the meantime, Shatner's new music video will serve to express my angst.

Shatneriffic

Thanks to Mike's prescient taping (or DVDing, I guess), I have now witnessed my first celebrity roast, that of William Shatner. Boy, comedians these days sure use a lot of swear words, but I have to admit - I laughed all the way through. I watched it a second time with Sylvia, and she really enjoyed it too. There's a certain kind of humour that just makes you shake your head and say, "Oh my gosh, did he just actually say that?"

Poor Farrah Fawcett looked hooped up on goofballs, poor woman. But what really made the show for me was the montage of Shatner's singing career, including some footage of a music video he made for his version of Mr. Tambourine Man. I hadn't realized that there was a video to go along with the song, and it's awesome, in the full sense of the word: as the song swells to its inevitable crescendo, Shatner is huddled in a dark corner, eyes darting about wildly. "Mr. Tambourine Man?" he whispers plaintively, once, twice, a third time, and then, grimacing like a madman, he shrieks "MISTER TAMBOURINE MAN!" at the top of his lungs.

Astounding. I used to think that Shatner's ironic deconstruction of his own celebrity was a recent phenomenon, but clearly he was putting the pieces together back in the early 70s. If only to scatter them later on...

William Shatner's Next Project

I think William Shatner, the 21st century's King of Irony, should consider this. Bill, for your next project, I'd like you to cover Right Said Fred's hit single, "I'm Too Sexy."

I've heard you sing it many times in my head since I came up with idea last week, and I can't wait to hear if your interpretation is as spellbinding as it sounds within the echoing depths of my fevered brain.

Please, Bill - do it for me, and for the people of our bewildered Earth.

I'm too sexy for the Shat - how sexy is that?

Mister Tambourine Man

By the way, I do not, in fact, own a copy of William Shatner's masterpiece "The Transformed Man," but one day I will indeed have a copy...MISTER TAMBOURINE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!