Sunday, July 22, 2018

The Suffering of SimEarl

A few days ago, I pointed readers to a story on Jeff Shyluk's Visual Blog that showed how Jeff had made custom skins for The Sims back in the early 2000s. And now, thanks to Allan Sampson, I'm sharing a glimpse of how Jeff's very abstract-looking art looked when overlaid onto the Sims in-game models. Allan shared four screenshots of SimEarl in various stages of content (reading a newspaper, upper left) or distress (lacking nice furniture, playing chess in lonely solitude, and passing out in the street). I'm very grateful to Jeff for creating the Sims skins in the first place, and to Allan for capturing these screenshots. 

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Segregation on Krypton

A few days ago, Jeff Shyluk and I were poring over maps of Krypton as part of a project we've been discussing. I came across this old map of Krypton, and we exchanged some wry, sad commentary about "Vathlo Island--Home of Highly Developed Black Race."

I believe the creators of this map were trying to be inclusive, but instead the text comes off as both condescending and segregationist. But more importantly, the map caused me to look back at my own reading of the various Superman comics over the last five decades. Here's what I wrote to Jeff, in part:

"It makes you wonder what happened to the Kryptonian East Asians, Indigenous peoples, South Asians, etc. You know, over the years I have read nearly every issue of Superman, Action Comics, Justice League of America, World's Finest, Superman Family, Supergirl, Super-Team Family, DC Comics Presents, The Legion of Super-Heroes, Adventure Comics, Super-Sons, Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane, Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen, Superwoman, Superman Confidential, and the various one-shots, miniseries, and novels that make up the Superman canon. And in all those hundreds of comics and stories, I can think of only one non-white Kryptonian, Val-Zod, and he didn't show up until 2011, plus he's from a parallel Krypton, no less (from the universe of Earth-2, which I guess means he's from Krypton-2, though not the same Krypton-2 that birthed the original Golden Age Superman...never mind, comic book continuity is utterly ridiculous).

It's possible that there may have been non-white Kryptonians depicted in background scenes during flashbacks to Krypton pre-cataclysm, or maybe we might have seen a black or Asian Kryptonian in the bottle city of Kandor. But wow, until this email I had honestly never even considered the crazy fact that Krypton, aside from that one map reference and the very recent Val-Zod introduction, has been portrayed as an entirely white culture. WOW. That is bananas."

Naturally I don't remember every single panel of the literally thousands of comic books I've read that feature Superman; it's quite possible that some stories do indeed feature non-white Kryptonians. But aside from the above map reference and latecomer Val-Zod, I can't think of any Kryptonians of colour other than white. I'd love for other Superman and comic art fans to tell me differently... 

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Wrestling Warriors

It's a shoe commercial! It's a music video! But heck if it isn't catchy, with a couple of cool special effects that would look great in a superhero film. I don't know who A-Trak is, but I'm quite fond of the work of Foster the People and Kimbra.

I really need to take a music appreciate course or two so that I can better articulate why certain songs move me. 

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

These Precious Illusions Resonate

Not long before I met Sylvia, I was captivated by this song and its music video. Not only do I love the music itself--and I'm afraid I still lack the vocabulary to describe why--the lyrics, at the time, really gave me a window into how some women, in some situations, approach relationships and romance. I mean, I was and am still pretty clueless about this sort of thing, even after over a decade of marriage, but if nothing else, Alanis Morissette made me think about a woman's perspective in a different way. Too bad I hadn't learned that lesson ten or twelve years earlier - I might have saved myself some embarrassment. 

Monday, July 16, 2018

New Minions, New Paladins

Or maybe this is just a string of words that sound interesting together...

Cantankerous Melancholy
Jupiter Speedbump
Castaway Bypass
Handlebar Eggplant
Gruesome Satisfaction
Perturbed Palindrome
Halfway Meandering
Naughty Juicer
Vicious Poltroon
Habitat Frequency
Champion Underbite
Adidas Furthermore
Precious Soundbite
Addled Greenery
Forthright Menace
Pancake Betrayal
Wholesome Intruder
Profound Cement
Ruckus Catastrophe
Hooligan Nightmare
Parsimonious Adder
Bubble Knife
Radar Path
Stuttering Cavern
Jalapeno Surprise
Startled Ultimatum
Contraption Bingo

Saturday, July 14, 2018

7 Hours of Painting

The Coke machines aren't finished, of course. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage the logo without spilling white paint all over the parts that are supposed to be red...

These are zombie miniatures for Last Night on Earth. I managed to finish 12, probably another two dozen to go. 

Sean came over to paint with me, and made a lot of progress on his Blood Bowl team. We also watched seven episodes of Knight Rider in glorious high definition. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday afternoon. 

Friday, July 13, 2018

Meanwhile, on Jeff Shyluk's Visual Blog: Sim Bleak House

A couple of weeks ago I found an old CD-ROM with some of my friend Jeff's art, specifically, art he'd created to customize characters in popular sandbox computer simulation The Sims. Jeff and I had a brief e-mail exchange about the old files, and I wrote, in part:

"I'm sure you created these skins for either the first iteration of The Sims, or The Sims 2 at the latest - but I'm sure it was The Sims. I, too, recreated the Bleak House of Blahs to run SimEarl, SimCarrie, SimRon and SimAllan through their paces, and I can still feel the bruises from the belly laughs. Most disturbing was the misery the Sims endured, how perfectly it mirrored our early-20s ennui and angst. I loved it most when one or more of us peed our pants with a plaintive 'Poo poo pee dee!' I was happy to see your memories captured in your recent blog post."

To see 1990s me, Allan, Carrie and Ron brought to virtual life, check out Jeff's story on the subject

Thursday, July 12, 2018

White Flagged

Dido's "White Flag" has stayed with me since I first heard it, and it remains a favourite, even though it makes me profoundly sad. I can never be sure of how to read the song properly. On the one hand, it seems a bit pathetic; here's a smart, talented woman pining over a man, vowing that he's the only one she'll ever love, even if it means being alone forever. And yet, if she stays true to that vow, part of me really admires the purity of her passion and her determination. I guess I love the song because it feels authentic, revealing a truth little-remarked upon: there are people out there who spend their entire lives single, either because they never found the right person, they're genuine loners who don't feel any need to mate, or, like the character in this song, they found the right person but the love isn't reciprocated. (The music video, of course, intimates that the object of the singer's affections does indeed return them, but you can't tell that from the lyrics alone.)

In many ways, this song speaks to a very powerful emotion that I endured for much of my 20s. Unrequited love is painful, but there's also something sweet about it, and even, perhaps, noble, as long as you really do manage to keep it to yourself to spare the object of your affections the awkwardness of having to reject you. On the other hand, there's a strong vein of cowardice and passive aggressiveness weaved into that narrative, too.

Something to think about. And a good reminder to myself to reflect on how lucky I've been to have love since meeting Sylvia. 

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Earl's Celebrity Encounters

Circa 1984/85, Con-Version science fiction conventions, Calgary: Peter David (author, various media tie-in novels and popular comic books) secured autograph and exchanged a few words, Bjo Trimble (noted famous Star Trek fan, helped drive letter-writing campaign that forestalled cancellation of the original series), exchanged words in elevator; David Brin (author, Kiln Time, Earth, The Postman, etc.); witness to brief encounter in elevator when friend nearly backed into Brin's child)

1986, Edmonton car show: James Doohan (actor, Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Star Trek); presented him with a t-shirt I designed with Stephen Fitzpatrick; Doohan accepted the gift with great grace, even though the shirt was obviously several sizes too small

September 1987, Ottawa: Brian Mulroney, Prime Minster of Canada

Circa 1988/98, Edmonton science fiction convention: Mark Lenard (actor, Sarek, Star Trek); enjoyed brief 10-15 minute conversation, so starstruck I immediately forgot details

September 2010, Chateau Lacombe, Edmonton: James Cameron (director, The Terminator, Terminator 2, Aliens, Avatar, etc.), had brief chat as part of Official Opposition Leader David Swann's delegation during Cameron's visit to Edmonton and the oil sands

December 2010, University of Alberta: Ed Stelmach, Premier of Alberta

April 2016, Calgary Expo: William Shatner (actor, Star Trek), paid photo opportunity, exchanged a single warm-hearted phrase. 

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Mom Celebrates Another Trip Around the Sun

And we're all so happy to have her. Here's a shot of Mom and Dad during a balmy early 1970s Manitoba winter. Happy Birthday, Mom!

Monday, July 09, 2018

An Atari Oral History

Atari shaped my childhood and teenage years, and there's a brief but tantalizing oral history of the early months of the company over at Medium. I think I would have loved working at a place so informal, though the rampant drug use and treatment of women would have been difficult to stomach.  

Sunday, July 08, 2018

G&G XIII Poster

I finally hung my print of Jeff Shyluk's amazing poster for Gaming & Guinness XIII. To learn how Jeff approached the project, you can visit his blog here, here, and here. Vroom! 

Saturday, July 07, 2018

The Cuban Lunch Crisis

October 9-12, 1972
Saskatchewan-Manitoba border
Trans-Canada Highway

On the Saskatchewan side: 3,000 cargo trucks filled with 50,000 Cuban Lunch treats per truck
On the Manitoba side: 27,000 cargo trucks filled with 35,000 Cuban Lunch treats per truck

Potential casualties in the event all Cuban Lunches were consumed in one gastronomic conflagration: 997,000 spread across Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and North Dakota

Result: tactical victory for Saskatchewan - strategic victory for Manitoba

Friday, July 06, 2018

Leave Yourself Behind

The fading sun
Signals at last the final hour has come
You're the last one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind
And it's time to move on and
Leave yourself behind

Those old childhood dreams now shattered like glass
Hopes and ambitions consigned to the past
Dark angels are coming and the clocks will unwind
Now it's time to move on and
Leave yourself behind
Leave yourself behind

How many warnings did mankind ignore?
All that scheming and striving, what was it all for? 
Did you really all think you would get out alive? 
That one special species destined to survive? 

Your hubris your pride your boundless arrogance
It's all come to this and you haven't a chance
Your heroic feats are just games of the mind
Just surrender now and 
Leave yourself behind
Leave yourself behind

Surrender now and
Leave yourself behind
Leave yourself behind

I see you still plotting, prepared for a fight
Your stubborn and stupid mad quest for the light

Why won't you
Why won't you
Why can't you

Leave yourself behind
Leave yourself behind
Leave yourself behind
Leave yourself behind

Thursday, July 05, 2018

Rod Taylor's Breakfast

Steak: rare, bloody
Eggs: soft and runny
Potatoes: naught
Tea: nice and strong
Covfeve: bad for you

Wednesday, July 04, 2018

At the Oasis

At dusk, the dreadnought's nose
Peeks over the crest of a dune
Surges forward, up and over
Sandwake splashing
A radical with root beer
The mug ice-cold, thick with frost
Offers a draught to the dreadnaught and the drought
The gunports open

Tuesday, July 03, 2018

A Solo without Soul: Solo, Reviewed

I've long maintained that fictional universes, if the worldbuilding is solid enough, can support an almost endless well of good stories, provided those stories are compelling. For that reason, I'm not against the idea of endless Star Wars spinoffs; I ask only that they be good.

Solo: A Star Wars Story isn't good. Neither is it terrible, but considering I was inventing a more interesting film in my head as I screened this one, coupled with the unfortunate fact that I dozed off during the spice mines "action" sequence, it's clear there's plenty of room for improvement.

We meet our titular hero, Han Solo, on the mean streets of Corellia, stealing and scrounging for a means of escaping the hardscrabble life he shares with his girlfriend, Qi'ra. They find the means within the first five minutes of the film, but they're tragically separated during the escape. Han makes it offworld and joins the Imperial Navy, hoping to become a pilot, but winds up as an infantryman on some anonymous muddy world instead. Another five minutes later, he meets Chewbacca and they escape that particular hellhole with a trio of hyperfuel smugglers.

The rest of the film is comprised of a series of capers as various bands of criminals and other interests steal the hyperfuel from each other. Naturally Han and Chewie meet Lando Calrissian along the way, and no prizes for guessing Han winds up in possession of the famous Millennium Falcon by the end of the film.

I will say this for the film: the action is competently staged, the performances are decent-to-good (with a couple of critical exceptions, which I'll note below), and director Ron Howard manages to slightly broaden the scope of the Star Wars universe with a couple of new planets and factions. The brief glimpses we see of the Empire are some of the most interesting in the film--but they come and go far too quickly.

I was also happy with Chewbacca's presentation; he steals most of his scenes, and maybe it's the nostalgia talking, but I found his presence comforting and familiar. I also thought Qi'ra had the film's only truly interesting character arc, and Emilia Clarke brought the character to vivid life. Finally, multi-armed alien Rio provides some necessary warmth and humour in the first act of the film.

That concludes the good parts. Three major flaws prevented me from taking the film seriously, or even really enjoying it as entertainment:

  • Performances. I'm a huge fan of Donald Glover, and I thought he'd be perfect as Lando Calrissian. But to my surprise, Glover's performance is so distant and disinterested that I started to wonder if he found the material beneath him. Frankly, if he felt that way, I wouldn't blame him; the screenplay reveals nothing particularly new about Calrissian, except that he once had feelings for a droid. I was also underwhelmed by Woody Harrelson's turn as smuggler Tobias Beckett, and, sadly, with Alden Ehrenreich as Solo, who's game for the considerable challenge of filling Harrison Ford's boots, but who I simply can't believe as a younger version of the icon Ford created. 
  • Story. Put simply, this is the laziest, easiest possible version of any backstory that could have been conceived for this character. Han starts and finishes the movie as a criminal, growing only in the sense that he trusts people a tiny bit less (but even this growth is undercut by seeding a countervailing appreciation for the nascent Rebellion). At its core, this is a static film. The Empire is ascendant, criminal gangs scrabble for the Empire's leavings, and people everywhere just struggle to survive. Moreover, the basic structure is: chase, escape, chase, escape, card game, chase, betrayal, chase, firefight, betrayal, escape, firefight, betrayal, card game. Each beat is ponderously predictable. 
  • Lack of ambition. This is closely tied to story, but aside from the writers failing to find an interesting backstory for Solo, they also make a point of explaining backstory that would have been better left as personal legend: to wit, the Kessel Run. It's the sort of thing that works better when implied rather than explained; seeing it takes the awe and wonder out of it. Similarly, there's a ham handed attempt to address a longstanding problem with the Star Wars universe: android rights. The droids, as depicted in the films, are clearly supposed to be sapient beings, and yet they're treated as slaves, even by the "heroic" Rebellion. Lando's robot in Solo is an outspoken android rights activist, but her concerns are played for laughs and quickly forgotten--another wasted opportunity, among many. 
I'm no storyteller, but even I can come up with some seeds that might have made for a more compelling film. Why not start off with a Han Solo unlike the one we're familiar with? What if Han was a Corellian child of privilege who idealistically accepted Imperial propaganda, and joined up with the intention of helping bring law and order to the galaxy? What if he did indeed become an elite Imperial pilot, and only gradually, through earned experience, began to question his actions and those of the Empire he grew up idealizing? What if those experiences made him the sarcastic loner we see in the original films? What if the heroic Han Solo we knew from those films had, even with the best intentions, done real evil to innocents and the Rebellion? 

Instead, as presented in Solo, Han seems to have been born a lovable rogue, essentially the same guy we know and love from our childhoods. It's a missed opportunity of galactic proportions. 

For a different take on the film, see my friend Steve's review

Monday, July 02, 2018

Bass-ic Instinct

If I were a musician, I imagine I'd be a bass guitar player, just hanging back, cool and professional, strumming away just out of the spotlight.

It would either be that or the harmonica. But I don't live in that particular universe, so all I can do is imagine. 

Sunday, July 01, 2018

Starlight Exodus

The aughts and teens peeled off,
Hyperdrives spraying rainbow wakes
Slicing through the ether
Stars shimmering across the firmament
While their cities died below

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Video: Guardian of HiQ

If you think about it a little, the Guardian of Forever could show you any television episode ever made, even the lost ones. Would this always be a good thing? Well...

Thursday, June 28, 2018

The Last Best Pictures

As readers may recall, I've been working my way through screening all 549* AMPAS Best Picture nominees. I just noticed that while I still have 82 nominees and winners yet to watch, I have seen nearly all of the winners, barring only seven:

All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Gigi (1958)
My Fair Lady (1964)
The Godfather Part II (1974)
The Last Emperor (1987)
Dances with Wolves (1990)
Braveheart (1995)

I have all of these films on Blu-ray, so checking them off the list is a simple matter of just making the time to sit down and watch. But how shall I tackle them? Chronological order? Reverse chronological? Should I watch the comedies first? Longest to shortest?

Maybe I'll start with those I actually expect to enjoy: All Quiet, Gigi, My Fair Lady, Godfather II.

*I include the three films nominated for Best Unique and Artistic Picture, a category recognized solely at the first Academy Awards ceremony (1927-28) and presented alongside Outstanding Picture (won by Wings), which eventually became the Best Picture category. The three films are Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (winner), Chang: A Drama of the Wilderness, and The Crowd. Of these three, I've seen Sunrise and The Crowd; both are brilliant. Chang has been very difficult to track down. 

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

The Wheel of Knowledge

I'm taking some time off to declutter my home office, and in the process I'm coming across all kinds of oddities. Here's a Wheel of Knowledge from The Zoo (which zoo?). This thing is probably over 40 years old, which means I've carried it around with me from move to move most of my life. Sorry, Wheel of Knowledge; while I appreciate your 1970s charm, I don't have room for you anymore. 

Monday, June 25, 2018

One Mess at a Time

Today I spent several hours straightening out my office, determined, once and for all, to declutter it. As I wind down and take stock, I see that I've managed to fill one recycle bag and one garbage bag full of junk. My nemesis, the closet, remains defiantly untouched. My desk is clear and there's a reasonable path to it, but I've fallen far short of what I'd hoped to accomplish.

All this stubborn debris. But I haven't given up. Back at it tomorrow. 

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Father’s Day 2018

Happy Father's Day, Dad! Thanks for always being there and for setting such a great example.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Catastrophe at Tau Epsilon

For some time, Stephen and I have talked about trying out the campaign rules of A Call to Arms: Starfleet. To that end, we each assembled a 1,500 point fleet last night and had at each other, introducing crew quality and scout rules, since those play a large role in the campaign game. 

It's a good thing this was a test run and not the beginning of our actual campaign, because boy, the Klingons came at my fleet with fangs bared and made short work of us, losing only one small ship while wiping out all eight of my starships. The way I see it, I made three fundamental mistakes: 

1) Though I considered it, I decided not to field a scout ship. Steve fielded two, which gave him a consistent bonus to initiative and the ability to jam my ships, reducing their defensive and offensive firepower. Against this, I had no defence. 
2) I spread my ships out in a not-so-clever attempt to flank the Klingons, while Steve held his ships in a well-disciplined line. This allowed Steve's Klingons to pick off my ships one-by-one. 
3) I recognized one turn too late - and possibly two turns too late - that the battle was lost. Had I attempted to retreat one or two turns earlier than I did, I might have saved three or four of my starships. As it was, I lost all eight. Actually, even worse - given the shape the ships were in at the last turn, you'd probably have to consider the last three ships not destroyed, but captured - including my dreadnought and a Constitution-class heavy cruiser. Admiral Woods will be lucky to keep his job after this..! 

Despite this humbling result, it was great fun managing a task force of this size and experimenting with the various strengths and weaknesses of the different starships. I'll try to keep this experience in mind when Steve and I start the real campaign later this year. 

Thursday, June 14, 2018

A Middling Adventure

Not very highbrow and, sadly, not terribly well-written, Jamie Lendino's Adventure: The Atari 2600 at the Dawn of Console Gaming is a brisk but shallow overview of the seminal video game machine's rise and fall. The work consists mostly of brief reviews of the most popular or influential games released for the 2600, with a smattering of history peppered in...but one really wishes for a more serious, in-depth, academic treatment of the subject. The book is mainly of interest to Atari fans looking for a dose of nostalgia, or retro-gaming enthusiasts looking for key game titles to pursue. 

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Special Guest Star

It's always great to see my old friend Steven Neumann, who I've known since - gasp - 1987. Steve has lived in lotus land for some time now, so his visits are a rare pleasure. Safe journey home, Steve! 

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Star Trek: The Motion Picture Toy Movie

YouTube user dyna74 has created and published a series of adaptations of the first few Star Trek feature films, using action figures to recreate the visuals and those old cheesy record adaptations for the dialogue, music and sound effects. The results are quite charming. 

Monday, June 11, 2018

Space: 1998

A gentleman named Keith Bradbury has used footage from Into Infinity, a Gerry Anderson tv-movie made between the first and second seasons of Space: 1999, to create a fan precursor to that series called Space: 1998. Bradbury uses clever editing, sound effects, music, and voiceover narration to place the unrelated Into Infinity into the universe of Space: 1999. Very well done; I'll have to see if I can find the original. Also nice to see a young Brian Blessed in action, as well as "Alan Carter" and "Victor Bergman" before the moon was blown out of Earth's orbit...

Sunday, June 10, 2018

The Impostrophes

On Friday, I coined a new term: the impostrophe, which I define as any misused apostrophe, such as the infamous "it's" for "its." 

Saturday, June 09, 2018


Art and photography by Sean Woods. Painted miniature by Earl Woods. Epcor Tower map by Jeff Pitts. Saturday night Villains and Vigilantes. 

Wednesday, June 06, 2018

Mego Arena

Mike Totman found this, and I share it gleefully. Utterly charming, and brings back fond memories of playing with Mego Star Trek figures in Leaf Rapids. 

Tuesday, June 05, 2018

Gaming & Guinness XIII: Formal Photos

Steve came up with a great idea for the group photo this year: stage the basement to look like a seedy bar. The guys all displayed tremendous creativity and patience, and Rob in particular saved the shoot with his advice. I haven't yet narrowed down what will become THE official portrait of G&G XIII; the guys will have to vote on that. But here are my favourites, desaturated as requested for that film noir look:
And here are some outtakes: