Midnight Visitors

 

War of the Worlds: Canadian Front

 

The Bleak House of Blahs 90210

Months ago, I asked Bing Image Generator to craft a portrait of Ron, Allan, Carrie, and me mowing the lawn in front of the Bleak House of Blahs. I tried to describe our younger selves as accurately as possible, but Bing insisted in turning all of us into fitness models. Of course the faces are completely wrong, because I haven't modeled any of us; I need a far better computer for that, and of course even then I wouldn't without consent. 

That genie is probably out of the box, though. I'm sure it won't be long before anyone who's ever posted even a single photo of themselves on the internet will eventually find themselves artificially generated one way or another. Carrie herself, though, should be safe, as she's never had any social media presence. Good foresight! 

Note, too, how primitive these images seem compared to what generative AI is capable of now. The singularity approaches...

The Atari World Series

 

My Dinner with Aquaman

 

Rejecting the Replicator

 

Captain Kirk Deals with a Romulan Spy

Apply directly to the forehead! 
 

Teleportation Roulette

Imagine you're suddenly gifted with the ability to instantly teleport to random coordinates anywhere on Earth's surface. Just think; anytime you experience boredom, flex your will and you find yourself someplace else--faster than you can blink. This ability would be even handier whenever you find yourself in grave danger; with a thought, you could vanish instantly and appear somewhere else, leaving disaster behind. 

The drawback, though, is obvious; statistically, you're likely to wind up in a body of water 70% of the time--and even that might be better than blinking back into existence at the edge of a cliff, at the South Pole, or into the caldera of an active volcano. Of course, if you react quickly enough, you can teleport somewhere else, presumably someplace safer. 

Using this random generator of geographic coordinates, I ran ten trials of this power. Here's where I landed: 

1. Almost 12 km west of Tacuaritas, Argentina; a swamp

2. A little over 297 km west of Gambier, French Polynesia; the Pacific Ocean

3. 400 km south southwest of Ball’s Pyramid, New South Wales, Australia; the Pacific Ocean

4. 685 km south southeast of Christmas Island, Australia; the Indian Ocean

5. 301 km east of Woolgooolga, New South Wales, Australia; the Pacific Ocean

6. 126 km north of Cefalu, Sicily, Italy; the Tyrrhenian Sea

7. 1, 201 km north northwest of Cabo Verde; the Atlantic Ocean

8. 15 km north northwest of Avia Terai, Argentina; farmland

9. 81 km west of Oroek, Russia; tundra

10. 883 km south of St Helena, Ascension, and Tristan da Cunha; the Atlantic Ocean

In just one instance did I find myself anywhere at all pleasant; the farmland in northern Argentina. The Argentinian swamp, I suppose, is the second best result, and the Russian tundra in Siberia, the third. Predictably, I wound up in an ocean or sea seven out of ten times. Which tells me that to make this power at all useful, you should always teleport while wearing the best life jacket and wetsuit you can possibly afford. 

Do you dare wield this power for yourself? Try it on for size a few times and leave a comment to let me know where you end up. 

Some Things to Consider

John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) is one of my favourite films, and one of a select few movies I like to call "perfect." By that I mean I can find no flaws in performance, editing, sound, story, or any of the other qualities that create a masterpiece. 

The Thing needs no sequel. Therefore, I have concocted a list of possible titles for said unnecessary sequel: 

Things 2 Come
That Thing Is You 2
Some Enchanted Eve Thing
Kill the Right Thing
2 Things I H8 About U
Needless Things
People, Places, and Things

Cletus Yokel and the Taser

Here's another of the prompt tests I ran on Bing Image Generator last night. The prompt is the title of this post--I gave no further direction. And yet Bing zaps Cletus three times out of four. Is Bing suggesting yokels shouldn't be given tasers? Or perhaps Bing is saying they shouldn't be in the proximity of tasers. 
 

Cletus Yokel Buys Some Dynamite

Tonight I was testing the limits of Bing Image Creator's censor. "Cletus Yokel Buys Some Dynamite," I prompted, figuring the phrase would get flagged for harmful stereotypes and violence. And yet, this is what it generated. 
 

The 2030 NHL Expansion

Sean (and many others) were quite happy about the latest Edmonton Oilers win in the current NHL Stanley Cup playoffs. During a text discussion, the Florida Panthers were misnamed the Florida Planters. I jumped on the typo, saying that Atlanta should have a team called the Georgia Planters. Sean responded with some AI-generated art, including an adorable mascot (above) and a couple of jersey designs: 

Inspired, I turned to Bing Image Generator and asked it to create some jerseys for hypothetical future teams. Sports fans, please welcome

The Saskatchewan Saskatoons! 

The Halifax Schooners!

The Tijuana Fiesta! 

And the Reykjavík Vikings! 

Canadian Sunset

I can almost hear the loon's song. 
 

Crossing the Rubikon

 

Earl's Nut Preference Ranking

1. Brazil
2. Macadamia
3. Coconut
4. Pecan
5. Walnut
6. Pistachio
7. Cashew
8. Filbert
9. Peanut
10. Almond

Pine nuts not ranked because I don't think I've ever eaten a pine nut. 

Do not store nuts in your refrigerator; they get mushy. 

Hammer Time

I
Want
To be
Sledgehammer hammering home truths
Home before the terrified eyes of helpless bystanders

Percolator Fish

"Once again . . . there's a FISH . . . in the percolator!" 

<spit take>
 

Decline and Vomit

"Emesius! You've missed the bucket!" 
 

Nyah Nyah

 

All the Difference a Day Makes

Craaiyon a couple of years ago . . . 
 

. . . Bing Image Generator today.