A Slice of Humour

What do you call a pizza large enough to feed a rebellion? 

The pizza de la resistance. 

Today's Yuk

Q: What's left when your container of paint runs dry? 
A: Nothing but a pigment of the imagination. 

-Today's joke inspired by a quip I made recently after my friend Scott spilled paint all over his leg. 

A Heavenly Jest

One day, Saint Peter admitted an audiophile to heaven. The blissful audiophile spent much of their time enjoying the majestic harmonies of angelic choirs, but noted that all the chosen pieces seemed to favour bass tones. Puzzled, the audiophile approached Jesus and asked: 

"Jesus, why do the angels sing so low?" 

"Well, my friend," Jesus said with a teasing smile, "There's no treble in paradise." 

"I'm Allergic to Peanuts!" Said the Prankster

One day in the future, when it's safe to gather in restaurants again, I'd love to try the following gag: 

Before we enter the restaurant, I stuff a few peanuts up my nose. I think I could fit at least one peanut in each nostril; perhaps even two or three per nostril. 

Then, I order something with peanuts in it. 

I enjoy the dish normally. But as soon as the server comes around, I start to look a bit ill and frightentened. "Oh gosh," I ask, "Does this dish have peanuts in it?" 

When the server says "Yes," or even "I don't know," I yell "I'm allergic to peanuts!" And then I sneeze the peanuts out my nose and onto the dish. 

Of course I would leave a generous tip for the server.

An Out of the Running Joke

We all know the definition of a running joke; it's a gag that becomes funnier through repetition, or at least one that people continue to enjoy over time.

But what would an "out of the running joke" be? Perhaps a joke or reference that's finally worn out its welcome, and is now despised? Or a gag that a person or persons tries to turn into a running joke, but audiences resisted, finding it forced?

The Milk Gag

There's a communal fridge at work that contains several cartons of milk, presumably so my colleagues can use it to lighten their coffee. I thought it would be amusing if I bought my own container of milk and then lurked in the coffee room, waiting for someone to appear. Then I would take a hearty swig from the carton, and when they react in horror - "How can you drink from the carton, uggghh!" I'll say "What? I've been doing this since I started here." 

The Second Last Question

"Why do you insist on drinking milk from the carton?"

Red-Nosed with Laughter

Earlier today I noticed an orange sticker on the ceiling above my cubicle.

"What's this orange sticker?" I asked, pointing to it even though no one was watching or listening. If I squinted, I thought I could make out the old Edmonton Telephones logo.

I stood in the doorway of my cubicle for a better look. At that moment, one of my colleagues passed by.

"Can you read that?" I asked.

"Property of Edmonton Telephones," she answered.

Vindication! Then I noticed that my co-worker seemed to be heading home a little early.

"Are you leaving us?" I asked.

"Doctor's appointment," she said. "I've been waiting two months to see this person."

"Have fun," I said, returning to my cubicle. Then, after she left, I reconsidered my statement.

"I suppose you're not likely to have fun at the doctor," I said, beginning to chuckle, "Unless she's a Doctor of Clown Studies!"

I barely managed to squeak out the punchline over my hysterical laughter, though my remaining co-workers did not seem amused. 

The Chilling Joke

What do you call it when someone insults your refrigerator?

FREEZER BURN.