Sylvia vs. the Spider

Click to embiggen!

Before Sylvia and I started dating, we were simply friends who enjoyed Scrabble. During those early weeks, we would often meet at one of the picnic tables in the Baywood Park courtyard to duel with letters.

During one such game, I noticed that a very large spider was slowly descending from the trees above, webslinging its way onto Sylvia's shoulder. I'd already learned that Sylvia reacts badly to bugs - very badly. I froze, unsure of what to do. Warn Sylvia, prompting a scream? Or do nothing, and hope that she wouldn't notice?

I opted for the latter. For long seconds, my strategy seemed to be working; the spider perched happily upon her shoulder, Sylvia none the wiser. Soon, I thought, the spider would scamper away and Sylvia would never know. Placidly, Sylvia examined her letters.

But then the spider leapt forward, springing from her shoulder right onto the table. Sylvia's eyes bugged out, then pinched shut as she clenched her fists and released a blood-curdling sonic scream Black Canary herself would have been proud of. The spider scurried away as I desperately plugged my ringing ears. Tree leaves fell from vibrating branches, and car alarms went off for blocks around. Our letters shook themselves off the board. I was certain that a SWAT team would appear at any moment, but eventually Sylvia's defensive wail died off and the world stopped spinning.

I exaggerate only a little.

Q

Don't get stuck with Q
In the final round of a game of Scrabble

Don't get stuck with Q
On a starship if it's run by rabble

Don't get stuck with Q
When he's proud of his gadgets and wants to babble

Don't get stuck with Q
When it's a winged serpent who wants to dabble
In dining on that human rabble
Who while away the hours with babble
And stalemates at games of Scrabble

Victory is Mine

At last, after sixteen arduous games of Scrabble, I've tied Sylvia. We each have eight wins apiece.

I'm back at work and the pace is frenetic...

There's a mosquito in the apartment!!!!! :-O

Happy Canada/Dominion Day!

 136 years old and counting...

The fireworks are scheduled to start at 11 PM, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to see them from my window. Probably not. Still, it was a good day. Sylvia and I continued our Scrabble grudge matches, and I've nearly caught up to her; she leads six games to five. If it hadn't been for one remarkable play ("WHIZ" on a triple word score that's worth 57 points!), we'd be tied up. Curses!

We played our second-to-last game outside, on a picnic table close to my apartment. Sylvia's got a bit of a bug phobia, and she let out a piercing shriek when a spider leapt from her hair onto the table. I felt my heart seize up for a second, and when I recovered, I expected to hear police sirens. It was that loud.

I discovered today that people I don't even know are reading this blog, so thanks and salutations to Frank Lucas and Alex Zukowsky; I hope this little project remains entertaining.

FAME! I want to live forever...

I'm going to steal a page out of my friend Leslie's blog...

Today I like: thunderstorms.

Today I dislike: rude, crazy waitresses who don't even bother to hide their disdain. Hey, I know you're not making nearly enough money to put up with me, but oy! It'd be nice to order my lasagna without fear. (On a side note, that guy with the very distinctive voice who plays the incredibly annoying poltroon on a million commercials - you know who I mean, he used to be on Popcorn Playhouse - was seated just a few feet away from us.)

Movies That Need to Be on DVD so I Can Buy Them Right Away:
The Green Slime
Robot Monster (Criterion Collection)
The Six Million Dollar Man Season One Box Set
Gilligan's Island - The Complete Series
King Kong


That's all for now...

Bulb Enlightenment

Well, it's finally here - Lois Hole's Favorite Bulbs. The first copies of the book came off the presses today, and everyone at Hole's jumped about gleefully as the quality of the finished product set in. It really turned out well; I'm glad I played a role in its creation. The photography is absolutely spectacular; the colours just blew me away.

But, there's no rest for the weary - there's always another book on the horizon, and I started work today on one of our next big projects.

In other news, I had a chance to redeem myself at Sylvia's with another round of Scrabble. But just as I was building up an impressive lead, our pizza arrived, and my plans for sweet revenge were cruelly foiled. By the Gods! Is there no justice? :-O

Ha ha ha...I'm watching another episode of UFO as I write this, and Sky One was just launched to intercept a possible "you-foe..." and it turned out to be a weather baloon. Whoops. Another hundred million pounds down the drain.

Ouch! And a sexy reporter just whacked Straker over the head with an ash tray. Excellent! Except he should have said, "Ow! No one makes an ash out of me!"

Why aren't I writing TV scripts?

Scrambled Ego

I visited my new friend Sylvia last night for a no-holds-barred Scrabble session. But the unthinkable happened - I was soundly defeated, not once, but TWICE in a row! INCONCEIVABLE!

Well, not really that inconceivable. Still, I must plot my revenge. I can only shake my fists over my head screaming "INCONCEIVABLE!" so many times before I need a new schtick.