Mean-Spirited Pizza

 Ramzi's is a burger and pizza place in Westlock. Watch out for this mean-spirited pizza! 

Frustrated Scavenger

I was in an ill temper today (my present normal), and so this annoying bird received not a scrap. Now I feel guilty. 
 

Fast Food Nostalgia

Every now and then, I think about how much I enjoyed grabbing a chicken fajita at the drive-through for lunch during my time as an auto parts driver in the early 1990s. I drove a white Ford pickup with a red interior; it had a standard transmission, and I learned how to drive standard on that job. 

When things were slow and I could take a true lunch break, I'd sit in the truck and read while eating my bagged lunch. When I was busy, chicken fajita time. It was a simple meal: just a couple of pieces of plain roasted chicken, chopped onions, and slices of red and green bell peppers in a plain flour tortilla. But boy, were they good. Those fajitas and CBC 740 AM got me through that job. (It wasn't a bad job, but some of the customers were pretty mean to me, and I've never had a very thick skin.) 

I liked McDonald's pizzas. They, too, are gone. One day, perhaps in our lifetime, McDonald's itself will be just a memory. Nothing lasts forever, including civilizations. 

First Baron, Last Baron

Readers of this blog will know that the Burger Baron chain holds a special place in the hearts of many Canadians, among them my brother and me. Behold this poster for The Last Baron, a documentary about the strange history of Burger Baron, for Sean gets a special credit on that very poster for being one of the very first to back the film's production. How amazingly cool is that? I hope this gets released on physical media, because I'll definitely pick it up. 
 

Bad Friday

Left Sylvia's food at the drive-through after paying for it, got high-centred and stuck in the snow just before getting home (some folks came to rescue us after about 20 minutes), and then overcome with nausea and other unpleasant symptoms from a new medication. A less-than-ideal start to the weekend. 

A Fishy Culinary Tradition

 

Whose idea was it to add breading or batter to fish? Fish is delicious when fried or seared, rich in flavour and texture. Breading it just masks the flavour and makes the whole dish feel much heavier than it should. 

Maybe I'm spoiled. Mom and Dad used to catch fresh fish from the pristine lakes of northern Manitoba and clean and fry the fillets right at the campground. The pickerel and trout they prepared in those days remains my favourite meal of all time. All fish since has paled in comparison. 

Even so, I can still enjoy fish if it's not wrapped in a casing of fried lard and butter. 

Fish: better without the batter. 

The Slurp That Satisfies

Coke plus Orange Crush=Ultimate Slurpee Combo. 

Beyond Meat?

I just sampled a Beyond Meat burger from A&W. while I don't think it beats a Teen Burger, it's better than I expected. I certainly support efforts to provide meatless alternatives, especially if they can match the taste of meat and meet or improve the nutritional value.

Project Burger Baron: Tofield

Tofield's Burger Baron offers something I haven't seen before: the Baron Brute, a hoagie with cheese, pepperoni, and ham, presumably inspired by the Boston Brute.

Of course, no two Burger Barons feature the same menu--at least not in my investigations thus far. In Tofield, aside from the usual selection of burgers, they also offer a shrimp dinner, fish and chips, and flurries.

The exterior is as dilapidated as one hopes to see when visiting a Burger Baron.

I ordered the Baron Brute, fries, and a small chocolate shake, while Sylvia had the cheeseburger, fries and Pepsi combo from the kids menu. My Brute was quite satisfactory, perhaps better than Boston's, though not as good as the Loaf available at Leduc Diner. Sylvia's cheeseburger was oversized for a child item, and our fries were slightly above average, of the sort that require salt and vinegar. Service was friendly, though prep time was a bit slower than one might expect from a fast food joint. Luckily, we were first in line; the Baron of Tofield was quite busy this Sunday afternoon.

Outdoor decor includes this drill bit situated between two garbage cans.

All told, Tofield's Burger Baron meets the humble standards established by the other establishments that carry the name. 

The Oreo Ice Capp

Why did I
Even attempt to consume
The treacly froth
Brown as sewage
I deserved this

Basile's Peephole

Basile's Pizza in Leduc has the largest door peephole I've ever seen. 

A Pair of Dreams

I'm in Vancouver, and Melissa Benoist, in costume as Supergirl, surprises me downtown by wrapping one arm around my shoulder, holding out her phone, and snapping a photo.

"Super selfie!" she says, grinning. "Hey, you should be on the show. You'd make a great Harvey Bullock."

I have to admit that of all DC's character's, my current rotund physique most closely matches that of Bullock. I'm a little confused, though; in the comics, Harvey Bullock is a detective working for the Gotham City Police Department. But I rationalize this by figuring Supergirl's writers have perhaps had Bullock transfer over to National City. In any event, the pay is $2000 a week and I get to be part of the Arrowverse, so I take the job.

*  *  *

It's 4 AM and Sylvia wakes me up. We're in our old condo. She reminds me that Sean, Mike and Scott are coming over for McDonald's. Sean has already arrived on the balcony on a rented bicycle glider, but I haven't actually picked up the food.

I join Sean on the balcony and we launch the glider, pedalling back offshore to Sean's yacht, picking up our McDonald's order, and cycle-gliding back to the condo. Scott and Mike arrive and we eat in the darkness, four identical orders: Big Mac combos, medium fries, medium Cokes. Mike notes with some disdain that there's a triangle of toast in his Big Mac. I check and see that my Big Mac also includes a slice of toast.

"Well, it's a bonus, I guess," I say, eating the toast.

Everything is so real as to be more convincing than true reality. Not for a second do I question the bicycle-gliders, Sean's yacht, or the fact that Sylvia and I have moved back into our first condo. The only thing I question is why I arranged for a McDonald's dinner at 4:45 AM.

Flying on the cycle-gliders is effortless and exhilarating. After supper, I fly over the beaches of Hawaii, shooting photos for Google Maps as I ride the wind. Turquoise waters lap at white sand, and the sun beams down benignly. All is good, but a voice at the back of my mind questions my sanity, and it is that voice that brings me back to reality, awakening with my alarm. 

Late Night Lunchtime

Conan or Jimmy Kimmel or one of those guys should film a sequence in which they pick up pedestrians and drive them to a McDonald's or Burger King or what-have-you for lunch. The catch is, the diners must collectively consume every single ketchup packet that gets tossed into the bag. If the fast food chains are reasonable, this shouldn't present a problem. But based on the extra-half dozen ketchup packets I routinely receive whenever I go through a drive-through, I'm betting more than one participant will wind up pretty nauseated. 

Pizza in a Glass

Yesterday's post about bad movie nights in the early 1990s reminded me of the time the same group of friends went to Pizza Hut for their incredibly cheap all-you-can-eat pizza night. I don't remember which of us this happened to--was it me?--but while the waitress was making her rounds, the grease-laden pepperoni pizza she was doling out skated across the surface of her platter and landed, point first, in a full glass of Coke, rendering both inedible and messing up someone's shirt. We all got a good laugh out of it, though. 

McHappy Day

Big
Mac
Attack
I want one
I must have one now
Plus a side order of fries please
I will also consume a milkshake and some cookies
McDonald's has programmed me to eat and so I eat with gluttonous fury and wrath.

Rolling the Dice with KFC

Criminal Drive-Through Humour

Yesterday Sylvia wanted tacos, so I stopped at Taco Time on the way home after work. The restaurant was surrounded by police cars with lights flashing, and I made note of it at the pickup window:

"I see you have a lot of police here," I said.

"Yes," the teller said, "I don't know what's going on!"

"I hope it wasn't a..." And here I made the universal finger guns gesture, "...Taco Crime."

She laughed. 

Nice Woodwork, OK Burger

McDonald's Malapropism

Yesterday Sylvia and I, in possession of some cash-saving coupons, braved the McDonald's drive-through for breakfast. Midway through placing our order, Sylvia suggested we make use of a second coupon. I turned to tell her you could only use one at a time, and while I was doing that the young man on the intercom was saying something else. Confused, I turned back to the speaker and said: 

"What was that, baby?" 

...as if I were still speaking to Sylvia. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, broken only by Sylvia's stifled hysteria. 

"I mean...what was that...sir?" I gasped, face flushed with embarrassment. 

"It's all good," he said. 

Our breakfast came out all right despite everything. 

Dinner With a Buddy