Total Pageviews

Monday, June 27, 2011

Return to the Edge of Nowhere, Part III

Part I
Part II

As Mom explains above, we travelled to Virden for the dedication ceremony thanking Mom's parents for donating Salt Lake to the local community. Salt Lake isn't huge, but it is quite nice, tucked away in the gentle rolling valleys of southwestern Manitoba. Saskatoon bushes surround the lake, offering delicious berries for fresh eating, preserves or pies. We'll get a better look at Salt Lake in another chapter, but in the meantime, here's a shot of Sean and I playing in the lake back in the 80s:


While Mom and Dad attended the annual service at Breadalbane Church, Sean and I visited the old Etsell homestead. Despite my initial words above, I do have a few strong memories of the place: my initial fear of the sunflowers in the yard, the day my cousin Darwin caught his finger in the drive chain of the exercise bike while I was riding it (quite a dramatic spectacle), and most of all, the "secret tunnel" that connected two upstairs bedrooms. It was actually just a storage space with two entrances, but at the time it was just big enough for me to walk through as if it were a pitch-black corridor. I do regret that Sean and I were too chicken to enter the house so I could see it one last time; alas, arsonists burned the house down a year later, so I've lost that chance forever. Take your opportunities when you can, because you never know when they'll vanish for all time.
View through the decaying roof of the chicken coop
Fortunately Sean did not fall down the well.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Return to the Edge of Nowhere, Part II

Read Part I first!
Ah, Fuddruckers. During my university years my friends and I used to eat at the location on Edmonton's south side and provide silly names to the servers calling out orders: "Cardinal Fang, your order is ready," and so on. Perhaps such juvenile antics prompted the chain to switch to numbers, as seen in the video above.

Speaking of the video, at one point I'm standing on a sidewalk babbling about wind powers. Here's the context; seconds earlier, a pretty impressive dust devil was swirling debris into a dramatic mini-cyclone. I thought I'd stand in the middle and pretend to have mutant powers. Unfortunately, by the time we set up the camera, the dust devil petered out.

Oak Lake is a popular summer destination for Manitobans. Until this trip I hadn't visited the place for decades, and my memories of it are seen through the haze of too many intervening years. But emotional impressions can often be even more powerful than concrete memories, and when Sean and I pulled in to the park I certainly felt warm pangs of nostalgia, despite my professed ambivalence to camping.

Sean, on the other hand, enjoys camping and has often gone out to camp alone or with friends. Naturally I deferred to his greater experience when it came to cooking outdoors and setting up the tent. Cruel fate, mischievous as ever, annoyed Sean by consistently deflating his air mattress during the night. On the morning of our brief stay at Oak Lake, I asked Sean if he'd had a good rest:

"Not bad, considering I slept on a pile of rocks."

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Return to the Edge of Nowhere, Part I

When last we left the edge of nowhere, I'd failed to find the hidden valley of my youth, but promised a return. Here at last is the opening chapter of what may very well be my last journey to Leaf Rapids, Manitoba.

When Sylvia and I returned home from our trip to Leaf Rapids back in 2006, I was thrilled to have seen my old stomping grounds again, but unfulfilled because of my failure to find the sinkhole that had such an impact on my youthful imagination. So when Mom informed us that she and Dad were heading to southern Manitoba for a dedication ceremony thanking Mom's family for a lake they'd donated, I immediately envisioned a road trip to Virden for the occasion followed by one last sortie north. I asked Sean if he'd be interested in seeing the old Etsell farm and his birthplace, and he readily agreed. Early on the morning of July 18, 2009, we headed East. Not, as you'll see below, without a few complications...


(Note: there are a few shots in the video above and in those to follow that were clearly taken as I was driving - not a smart move, and not one I recommend. I'm not sure why I was so foolish - clearly I was excited about the trip, focusing more on documenting the journey than on safety. Before I do this again, I'll set up a mount for the camera so that I can drive and shoot at the same time without dangerous distractions.)

Friday, June 24, 2011

Lay Down Your Horns, Edmonton Drivers

While waiting to make a safe left turn from Groat Road to 111th Avenue the day before yesterday, the fellow in the truck behind me laid on his horn, urging me forward.

Truck driver, I understand your impatience, I really do. Your huge vehicle gives you better sightlines across the intersection; to you, who can see past the behemoth SUV in the opposite left turn lane, it appears as though I have plenty of time to make the turn.

But in my little Toyota Corolla, I can't see over the SUV in the opposite turning lane. I can't tell if there are other vehicles just about to leap into the intersection. So I wait for the SUV to clear the intersection so that I can see if it's safe to turn. Sometimes that means I'm stuck there until the light turns yellow, and even then I'm going to wait until I'm certain that someone on the opposite side doesn't speed through the yellow at the last second. And one final point: why should I trust your judgement that it's safe to proceed? You can't communicate traffic conditions through your horn; stop trying.

Last night on the Anthony Henday, I committed the unforgiveable sins of not only following the posted speed limit, but slowing down a little more for a few moments to allow a signalling driver to enter my lane. An angry driver behind me sounded off with his horn, three rapid, staccato toots of impotent rage. He was probably even more upset that construction barricades prevented him from passing me on the right shoulder, which he was clearly attempting.

The driver behind me couldn't tell why I was slowing down. For all he knew, I was slowing to avoid a collision with a vehicle or a pedestrian. Did he really expect me to speed up just because he was honking his horn? If anything, the distraction could have thrown off my attempt to avoid a crash.

No driver is perfect, and many drivers overestimate their competence. It's possible I drive too conservatively. But my intentions are good: I want to make it through my commute without endangering myself or others. A little more caution, courtesy and patience among Alberta drivers would create safer roads for everyone.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Out of Africa

Tonight Sean and I met up with Mom and Dad in Leduc to see my Mom's sister Jean and her husband, John. Aunt Jean and Uncle John recently returned from a trip to Uganda, where their younger son, my cousin Kevin, is studying primates. You can see some of their adventures at this blog, maintained by Kevin's friend Jim.
Aunt Jean is a painter, and I asked her to pose next to her Charlie Chaplin painting - one of my favourites, since Chaplin is one of my favourite directors.I wonder she'd paint Chaplin as The Great Dictator for me - it's probably the Chaplin film I admire most.
Aunt Jean and Uncle John had some pretty fascinating stories to tell about their time in Africa; Aunt Jean spent some time painting landscapes and willing Ugandans, while Uncle John accompanied Kevin tracking chimpanzees. One of their guides could recognize over 60 chimps by their voices - a pretty amazing feat!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Library Progress

Sylvia and I moved last August because I have too many books, and needed a library for them.

I've finally built all the bookshelves I can (15 in all) and crammed them into the available space in our new home. One bookshelf is in the closet, to which I will consign the media tie-in literature - my secret shame! Not every book will fit in this room, but if I store the reference materials in my office and the film and television books in the theatre room, just about everything should fit.Well, I'm not sure what to do with the graphic novels...

I hope to finish the room sometime in the next couple of weeks. Putting up artwork will be the final task. Sadly, there is no room for a comfy reading chair. Maybe in the next home...

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Alberta Liberal Edmonton-Meadowlark AGM

Welcoming Alberta Liberal Leader David Swann to Edmonton-Meadowlark.
Over forty people turned out for the Alberta Liberal Edmonton-Meadowlark Constituency Association tonight to hear motivational remarks from Leader David Swann and Edmonton-Meadowlark MLA Raj Sherman. As the executive's secretary - at least for one more night - I was on hand to take the minutes. And while I'm not going to bore my regular readers with something as dry as meeting minutes, I will say that I was thrilled by the turnout, the largest Edmonton-Meadowlark has seen for years, thanks in great part to Raj Sherman's organizational skills and personal charisma. Sometime later this summer we'll hold our nomination meeting, and I'm sure Raj will be elected as the constituency's candidate for the general election to be held (more than likely) in the spring of 2012.
Alberta Liberal Party Executive Director Corey Hogan chaired the meeting; it's traditional for someone outside the constituency to chair AGMs. I dutifully took notes in my own inimitable illegible scrawl.
In his brief remarks, David noted that party supporters have doubled in the last three weeks, thanks in great part to our new registered supporter initiative, which I blogged about last month. Paid memberships alone are up an encouraging 20 percent, and the Alberta Liberal leadership race has barely begun. These are encouraging signs - not just for the ALP, but for democracy in general.

I'm further encouraged by the fact that we acclaimed or elected a brand new slate of executive board members that includes old veterans and fresh young blood. The wider board has also been considerably beefed up; it now includes sixteen at-large members, including Sylvia and me, meaning that of all the people that showed up, about half have decided to take an active role in the constituency's business. Edmonton-Meadowlark hasn't been this energized since before the last election, and I'm pumped by the enthusiasm shown tonight. Now comes the real job: convincing the people of the community that Raj and the Alberta Liberals are the best choice for Edmonton-Meadowlark. Whatever they ultimately choose, I'm gratified to see such an enthusiastic crowd taking part in direct democracy tonight.

EDITED TO ADD:

Here's the new executive: President Ed Butler, Vice-President Nicholas Monfries, Secretary Sharon MacLean, Treasurer Priya Swamy.

Monday, June 20, 2011

STI Surprise

While helping Mom and Dad clean out the garage yesterday, Sean and I came across these chilling pamphlets warning teens against venereal diseases (VD), or as they're known now, Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). I don't remember receiving these, but they must have been handed out during the agonizingly embarrassing sex ed classes every student endures. Why did I keep them? Just hedging my bets, I suppose.

I wasn't brave enough to open up the pamphlets to read about vaginitis or NGU - who knows what horrors await? Can men even get vaginitis? It sounds awful. NGU is similarly foreboding. What does that stand for? Necrotic Genital Ulcers? Yeesh.
It's funny that there wasn't a syphilis brochure in the batch, considering Alberta's above-average syphilis rate. Perhaps they thought the disease had been eradicated back in the Victorian era, and that's why we're enduring a resurgence now.

In any event, I wasn't exactly popular with the ladies back in grade school (or university, for that matter), so my interest in herpes has been mercifully academic.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Images of Dad

As I noted on Mother's Day, I don't have sufficient poetry in my soul to properly express my love and gratitude to my parents. So this Father's Day, I present some of my favourite photos of Dad, who worked for decades - and to this day - to take care of Sean and I and to ensure that everything turned out all right for us. As these photos will show, Dad is a real Renaissance man - pilot, Mountie, sportsman, salesman, but most of all, the best Dad one could hope for.


Saturday, June 18, 2011

Pearl Panorama

For our first anniversary, Sylvia and I went to Hawaii. Here's a panorama I shot of Pearl Harbor, with the memorial visible way in the distance. Click to embiggen!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Fembots!

 I just finished watching "Kill Oscar!", a three-part crossover story comprised of two episodes of The Bionic Woman and one episode of The Six Million Dollar Man. These are the infamous "fembot" episodes that so terrorized children of the 1970s, myself included. When Steve Austin or Jamie Sommers ripped the face off one of these robot women, the ghastly electronic visage and creepy, soulless computer sound effects were the stuff of guaranteed nightmare fuel.

Now that I'm all grown up (after a fashion), I'm not scared of the fembots anymore, though I do find them somewhat unsettling even now. It's the eyes, I think, and that horrible speaker grille that acts as an ersatz mouth.

Of course this story's central appeal is pretty simple: Steve and Jamie team up to fight robots. In the 1970s, what could be cooler than that? And yet the show toys with some pretty adult themes; for one, the fembot creator, Dr. Franklin (John Houseman) displays unapologetic misogyny (and a rather kinky sexual subtext) as he introduces a shady financial backer (and the audience) to his creations:

"I call them my fembots. The perfect women...programmable, obedient, and as beautiful or as deadly as I choose to make them."

Franklin, a former OSI scientist, plots revenge on his former employers and arranges to replace OSI secretaries (there apparently being no women in any positions other than secretarial - this is the 70s, after all!) with his fembots. The fembots infiltrate OSI and kidnap its head, Oscar Goldman. Franklin hopes that he can convince Goldman to give up the secret of the OSI's new weather control technology (!), but of course Goldman would never do that.

In fact, in what I thought was a rather cool twist, Oscar has left behind videotaped orders to be played for Steve, Jamie and the assorted OSI head honchos: in the event of his capture, all OSI resources are to be devoted to his assassination so that he can't give away any secrets. So the "Kill Oscar!" title is clever misdirection; viewers must have assumed that the titular directive comes from the bad guys, but in fact it comes from Oscar himself, and Steve and Jamie may very well be the agents assigned to the job.

Of course it doesn't turn out that way - these shows never got quite that dark, however creepy the fembots may have been. The first one and a half episodes are full of juicy paranoia as the leads attempt to figure out which of their friends has or has not been replaced; the latter half of the story is a daring action-adventure rescue plot, with plenty of bionics-vs.-robotics action.

In many stories of this nature, the villain would die at the end, a victim of his own madness or hubris. And in fact Houseman's Dr. Franklin attempts to go down with his metaphorical ship in the final minutes, but Jamie (Lindsay Wagner, who played Houseman's daughter in The Paper Chase) refuses to let him die, risking her own life to save the villain and bring him to justice - and perhaps even mercy.

And this, to me, is why these shows remain important - not for their cheesy SF trappings, but for the very real goodness and empathy expressed by not only the leads, but their OSI colleagues. Steve, Jaime, Oscar, Dr. Rudy Wells - these are all clearly the Good Guys, and over the course of dozens of episodes their altruism and decency is utterly unfailing. These days, that kind of storytelling might seem simplistic or naive, and perhaps there's some truth in that. But even for a show rooted in sci-fi action, the show producers, writers and actors clearly wanted to send positive messages about honesty, tolerance and solving problems with as little violence as possible - even when they're using their bionics, Steve or Jamie almost always use their powers to immobilize, stun, or just embarrass their foes.

The short-lived Bionic Woman revival of a few years back failed, I believe, because the producers tried to make Jaime a typical darkly ironic, self-loathing, "complex" character thrust into a shady world of betrayal and double-dealing. It seems that these days we can't have heroes who are simply heroes - Steve the astronaut, Jamie the schoolteacher, Goldman the dedicated public servant/bureaucrat (can you even imagine a hero bureaucrat on television in today's government-is-inherently-bad zeitgeist?). And yet I would argue that good-hearted, idealistic folk like Steve, Jamie and Oscar are more realistic than the angst-ridden protagonists of today's drama, if only because I've known a lot more people like Steve and Jamie than I have the new bionic woman or, say, any of the characters on The Shield or Dexter (and don't get me wrong; I do love those shows).

I believe there's still room for old-fashioned altruism in television and film, if for no other reason than people still need role models. Real people - parents, scientists, artists, philanthropists and so on - can fill some of that need. But for unambiguous displays of essential human values in narrative form, stories about genuine good guys can't be beat. I wouldn't be the person I am today had I not seen Jamie rescue Dr. Franklin, or Superman forgive Lex Luthor, or Tarzan dish out justice against slavers. In a complex world, we need to be reminded of the simple universal human values that have the power to help us face our most daunting challenges: cooperation, trust, compassion, critical thinking, honesty and love.

Against all that, fembots don't stand a chance.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Fiendish Fates of Sean E. Woods



Picasa, Google's photo management/manipulation software, allows you to easily craft montages of all your favourite photos. I (ab)used this fun function to create the video you see above.

I can always count on Sean to be a good sport about my silly projects. Perhaps one day all this experimentation will produce something worthwhile.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Ship of Fools Map

If you flip through a high fantasy novel - that is, one that features sword, sorcery, barbarians, dragons, knights and princesses - there's a good chance that you'll discover a special treat: a map of the imaginary fantasy kingdoms described in the novel.

Though such maps rarely make any geographic or topological sense, they still perform an important function: they draw the reader deeper into the story. With such a map, one can follow along with the characters on their quest. Anticipation builds as you see journey's end grow closer, just as you would when consulting a map on any mundane vacation.

I'm no artist, but I do enjoy doodling from time to time. I drew the map above twenty years ago or more while planning an ambitious genre novel. Of course the project stalled once the map was drawn, probably for good reason; the original idea was pretty silly, as I recall - the story combined alternate history (hence the appearance of analogues of Germany, America, Italy, Japan etc. on the map) with high fantasy and movie westerns. It would have been a hot mess, I'm sure.

Of course I didn't draw the map in chalk; I used Photoshop's invert feature to create the white-on-black effect, mainly because I find it pleasing to the eye and it reminds me of two things: typing away on my old Atari 130XE, and Simon in the Land of Chalk Drawings, a show that mesmerized me as a child.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Art Gallery of Alberta: Ode to Screen Tests


My friend and ex-colleague Andrew Fisher is featured in this video from the Art Gallery of Alberta. Lindsey Bond recreates Andy Warhol's early Screen Test films with amusing, if somewhat oblique, results. Andrew is the young fellow sipping on a drink while heroically managing not to laugh, although it appears he comes close at a couple of points. I can see a Hollywood career for all three gentlemen after this - they play their parts with convincing realism!

You can check out the Art Gallery of Alberta's fledgling YouTube channel here.

Monday, June 13, 2011

La Nuit de Faux

In film, cinematographers will sometimes shoot "day for night." That is, they'll film a scene during daylight hours, even though the action in the scene is supposed to occur at night within the context of the story. With the right lighting, lenses, filters and post-production techniques, sometimes you can get away with it without the audience noticing. (If you're Ed Wood, you're less likely to successfully master the illusion.)

The photo above might seem as though it were shot on a starry Paris night, but in reality I shot it on a sunny afternoon in Las Vegas. (It's the half-scale replica of the Eiffel Tower at the Paris casino.) The "stars" are actually dust grains that were captured when I scanned the film; rather than cleaning them up with Photoshop, I decided I liked the odd day-for-night effect and left them alone.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Twilight of the Planet of the Apes

This fake movie frame arose from my failed attempt to colour-correct another of the slides I've been scanning for the past year or so. The original image is of the Chapel of the Holy Cross at Oak Creek Canyon, at least according to the printed legend on the slide itself. The slide turned a bright pink over time, and my attempts to fix the problem resulted in a rather post-apocalyptic sheen. Having failed in my original purpose, it struck me that the lonely chapel seemed to be bathed in radioactive haze. Inspired, I added some graffiti to the side of the chapel and an on-screen title. Now that I've made this, perhaps a new parallel universe has sprung into being, one in which the original series of Planet of the Apes films ended not with Battle for the Planet of the Apes, but with this sixth film, 1974's Twilight of the Planet of the Apes, in which Caesar's attempt to build a harmonious human/ape culture is threatened by a new extraterrestrial force.

Can man and ape work together at last to save their home and their civilization? SEE...TWILIGHT OF THE PLANET OF THE APES!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Cinematic Symphony

Last night Sylvia and I went downtown to enjoy the tremendous musical talent of the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra as they rolled out a selection of Oscar-winning or -nominated film scores. Our seats were right in the front row, so we had an excellent view of the strings section as they strummed and plucked their way through themes from Casablanca, Doctor Zhivago, The Godfather, The Natural, Out of Africa and others. The ESO even brought in a real-live Hollywood musician to conduct: Emmy-nominated Richard Kaufman, a good-humoured showman who was clearly enjoying himself, at one point mouthing a few of the "ba-ba-bums" just as I do when listening to film scores. In between sets, Kaufman shared Hollywood stories with the audience, and I was a little awestruck to learn that the man knew Elmer Bernstein and played violin during the scoring sessions for Jaws.

The music, of course, was sublime, and as always I was mesmerized by the talent of each performer. As I watched their hands flutter across their instruments, as I watched their eyes scan the scores, I was deeply, deeply impressed by the years of practice they must have endured to fully hone their talent. My respect for musicians borders on a kind of fetish, a deep-seated admiration that leaves me feeling, frankly, unworthy. What I would give for the combination of talent and drive that culminates in such astounding capability!

The artists themselves fascinated me. One thickly-mustachioed cello player looked as though he would be more at home on a construction site. Another looked like a younger, thinner Stephen King. One violinist looked like a kindergarten teacher; another like a physics professor. And yet they were all, in reality, musicians, defying all stereotypes.It was both thrilling and humbling to sit only a couple of metres away from such a collection of raw talent.

I have only one small quibble: during the performance of Jerry Goldsmith's theme for Star Trek: The Motion Picture, the video display showed an image of the Next Generation Enterprise, Captain Picard's ship, rather than the original (though refitted) Enterprise of the film. A minor quibble to be sure, but hey, Winspear folks, next time you want to play Star Trek, give me a call when it comes to the trivia!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Queue Jumpers

This week Albertans were told that government MLAs and similarly connected folks used their power to help family and friends jump to the head of the line to receive faster medical treatment.

To state the obvious, this is wrong. Canadians crafted a public health care system because we believe that everyone, rich or poor, deserves to be treated equally when it comes to access to medical treatment. In a system free of corruption (in the broadest sense of the term), patients with the most serious and time-sensitive ailments or injuries will be seen first, in order that they might be saved. The primary goal should always be to reduce the greatest amount of human suffering.

Queue-jumping makes achievement of the ideal impossible, and turns those of us without connections to the ruling elite into second-class citizens. Any MLA who helps a friend, colleague or even a family member leap to the head of the line should be ashamed.

Some might argue that politicians can't be blamed if they help a loved one get special treatment. Politicians are human, after all, and as vulnerable to temptation as the rest of us.

But politicians are supposed to represent the very best human qualities. These are the men and women we entrust to defend the public good. These are the people we expect to uphold universal human values such as fairness, the key to the success of a public health system. If the guardians of these values cannot in fact defend them under personally difficult circumstances, then we must ask if they deserve to remain in office. The privileges of office are great, and should be tempered with equally great sacrifices. One has to wonder: how many Albertans have suffered longer than they might have, or even died, because someone jumped the queue? How can these MLAs live with themselves?

If it's too much to ask that our elected public servants resist the temptations of power, then we must refurbish provincial legislation and enforcement to be ensure that such temptations cannot be indulged. Doctors and hospital administrators should have the power to refuse and report any attempts to foster queue-jumping, even if they come from the Premier herself (or himself).

Canada is supposed to be an egalitarian society, a place where anyone will receive medical treatment according to his or her need, not his or her ability to pay or wield influence. This latest scandal tarnishes Alberta's reputation, and more importantly, it's harmed real people - people who didn't have the good fortune to have the right political connections. That's not democracy and that's not Canadian.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Mobile Blog Test

My blog should now look much better on mobile devices. But have I set up mobile blogging correctly?
Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Zounds, Autocorrect!

Today I attempted to tell Sylvia that I had arranged a trip to IKEA with Sean. The text above is supposed to read "I need two small bookcases so Sean and I are going to go Sunday morning." Somehow my iPhone decided I should attend church with Brother Aeam.

This garbled text message is mild compared to some of those seen on one of my favourite websites, Damn You Autocorrect! Hours of fun.

Monday, June 06, 2011

First Class Entertainment

X-Men: First Class
Directed by Matthew Vaughn
20th Century Fox

(Mild spoilers below.)

The creative bankruptcy of Star Wars Episodes I-III has made many people reasonably leery of prequels. Fortunately, 2009's energetic and fun reboot of Star Trek helped redeem the concept; X-Men: First Class completes that rehabilitation. It's a smart, stylish, high-concept action thriller with something to say.

Set primarily during the events of the Cuban Missle Crisis, X-Men: First Class reintroduces us to younger, more swinging versions of characters we've come to know and love in Bryan Singer's original X-films: Professor X, Magneto, Mystique, Beast and others. Though engaging, these characters were somewhat staid in the first X-Men films, their attitudes set, their actions comfortably predictable. But here, the aftermath of the holocaust and fears of nuclear war, along with the freewheeling sexuality and social unrest that were the backdrop of the 1960s, each player reveals new depths; familiar motivations and character traits are just beginning to take shape.

The story is simple but well-crafted: holocaust survivor Erik Lensherr (Michael Fassbender) wants revenge against the man that killed his mother, while an idealistic young professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) wants to find others of his kind and help them integrate with the wider culture. In the background, a cabal of - not racist, but rather "species-ist" mutants led by Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon!) plot the downfall of humanity and their own ascension to the heights of power.

An engaging series of setpieces illustrates the growing friendship and ideological tension between Xavier and Lensherr, one man motivated by love and idealism, the other by rage and bitter cynicism. Along the way, they seek out other mutants, assembing an army of sorts to meet the threat of Shaw and his supporters. while all this is going on, each mutant character faces one central conflict: is it better to hide ones differences and therefore escape the prejudice and fear of the prevailing culture, or should one stand "mutant and proud" and celebrate his or her differences? Furthermore, how should the new species - Homo Superior - relate to Homo Sapiens? Is there room for both?

These questions lead the characters inexorably to the final showdown off the coast of Cuba, with Russian and American fleets facing off in the ultimate nuclear showdown - a perfect metaphor, of course, for mutants, the "children of the atom," their evolutionary change accelerated by the radiation of the nuclear age, a clever throwback to a concept that drove the plot of many 1950s and 60s B-movies.

Here the film lurches, quite like Quentin Tarantiono's Inglourious Basterds, into rather audacious alternate history. Both squads of mutants do battle before the stunned eyes of thousands of witnesses - the crews of the Soviet and American fleets. A freighter carrying Soviet nuclear warheads is destroyed. In other words, history is turned on its head, and the crisis plays out completely differently than it did in real life, flipping audience expectations upside-down. When the human fleet fearfully turns on all of the mutants, including those who saved the world from nuclear war, Xavier's idealism is wounded but unbowed, while Lensherr's rage and hate are, in his mind, utterly justified, setting the stage for the mutant schism seen in the later films.

The cast is uniformly excellent, with McAvoy and Fassbender particularly engaging and believable. The dialogue is snappy and the plot sensible (high praise in this day and age), supported by a thrilling score and excellent special effects from old master John Dykstra. And perhaps most importantly, it has a positive but far fromi naive message about the importance of diversity and acceptance. For a summer blockbuster, X-Men: First Class is ambitious and smart, and well worth a trip to the multiplex.

Sunday, June 05, 2011

With This Ring I Thee Web

Generally speaking, comic book covers should never be taken literally; the action they depict is often far removed from what actually happens during the story within. But aside from the minister's truly deplorable pun, which he sadly does not utter during the story proper, this cover hews fairly closely to the story: Aunt May is indeed happy about marrying Doctor Octopus, and yes, the wedding guests are mostly gun-toting hoodlums. Poor innocent Aunt May, always determined to see only the best in everyone...except, of course, "that dreadful Spider-Man!" - her own nephew! Ah, dramatic irony.

Saturday, June 04, 2011

Earl's Pulp Mill

I'm a big fan of pulp fiction, especially genre fiction set in the 1930s, 40s and 50s - stories of Fu Manchu, the Spider, the Shadow, Doc Savage and others. A relatively new subgenre of science fiction, steampunk, often uses that era to imagine alternate histories of widespread airship travel, steam-powered weaponry, retro super-science and larger-than-life heroes and villains. 

So when my friend Colin asked me if I'd be willing to help prepare some background material for a steampunk-themed roleplaying game he was organizing back in 2003, I happily complied. I scribbled out a couple of character sketches, some political elements of the world, some ideas for villains and a few ancient artifacts of great power - all the elements needed for pulp adventure in the Indiana Jones/Republic serials vein. Perhaps I'll use some of this material to bang out a couple of short stories...


Heroes
Cain Hood
Taciturn, ruthless, violent, fiercely loyal to the Commonwealth, dedicated to protecting the innocent…and perhaps just a little insane. That’s Cain Hood, born on Jarvis Island (a usually uninhabited British possession in the south Pacific) to a Welsh father and an Indian mother, both adventurers, both dead, murdered by agents of the Divine Claw (see below).  

Cain is a tall man, over six feet, heavily muscled, but agile. He has a short shock of jet-black hair, dark eyes, and pale skin. He is thirty-six.

Cain is a master martial artist, expert torturer, and merciless foe. His chief weapons are his fists (often complemented by brass knuckles), his trusty Tommy gun (nicknamed, for reasons known only to Cain, “Jenny”), liberally thrown sticks of dynamite, and a sap.

Cain is, at heart, a decent man, not without a sense of humour (if a somewhat macabre one). He has a weakness for children, beautiful women, and marine life, particularly dolphins.

Tom Zephyr
Found abandoned on the doorstep of simple Manitoban farmers, Tom Zephyr grew up to become one of the Uncommoners’ top agents. With a  love for excitement and especially raw speed, Tom, a tall, wiry, brown-haired “boy next door” is a qualified pilot, race car driver, steamboat captain, climber, swimmer, gunslinger, pole vaulter, and harmonica player. Tom is twenty-four, and probably a genius, if an undisciplined one.

Tom’s favourite weapons are his bolos, boomerang, and Tesla pistol (see below).

Commonwealth Organizations
The Uncommoners
The Uncommoners come from all over the Commonwealth: men, women, children, and even some very special animals, each with a unique set of talents, each equally dedicated to the British Empire. All seven hundred seventy-seven Uncommoners gather every May 23rd (the day before Empire Day; see below) at the House of Uncommoners, on the island of Zanzibar.

Each Uncommoner is equipped with the best equipment the Empire has to offer, from the most modern pistols to the finest, fastest vehicles.

The Uncommoners are led by a man or woman known as the First Among Equals. The First is chosen by popular vote of the Uncommoners at each annual gathering, and is elected for a one-year term. A First may serve as long as he keeps winning the annual vote.

The chief weapons of the Uncommoner are the Tesla Foil, an electric sword that can be used to kill or stun opponents, and the Tesla Pistol, a sidearm with the same ability. Larger Tesla Guns are mounted on many Uncommoner vehicles.

The Uncommoners have a number of spectacular vehicles, but chief among them is the Sentinel, a triple-hulled airship bristling with weapons, including the most powerful Tesla cannon yet constructed, capable of leveling a mountaintop. The three hulls are arranged in an inverted triangle, with a landing strip, control tower, and service hangars for supplementary craft (4 scout biplanes, 2 cargo planes, 2 passenger aircraft) and its complement of two fighter squadrons (24 planes).

Unquestionably one of the mightiest ships at sea, the Thunderchild is a massive battleship, bristling with Tesla cannons, capable of reaching speeds of ninety knots. And with the flip of a switch (actually, the turning of a very large and heavy wheel), the Thunderchild can seal itself up and submerge for underwater operations.

The Uncommoners report directly to the Prime Minister.

The Imperial Rocket Society
The sun never sets on the British Empire, and the scientists of the Imperial Rocket Society intend to maintain that happy status quo. The Society intends to launch a seven-man crew to Mars, to claim the planet for the Empire. If all goes well, the Queen Victoria will land on the red planet within five years…unless someone else gets there first.

Artifacts
O’Malley’s Rapier
According to legend, the famous Irish pirate queen Grace O’Malley, a woman of incredible beauty and noble heart, used this rapier to slay an unnamed beast that threatened to swallow the Isle of Man whole. The sword is supposed to be unbreakable, with the ability to cut clean through any material. At last report – some fifty years past – a group of Cypriot mercenaries, on a secret mission for the Crown, lost the sword deep within the jungles of Brazil…

The Maltese Falcon
The true story of the Maltese Falcon – an unassuming stone bird, approximately life-sized – has been distorted time and again. Dozens of men have died to possess it, and many died uselessly, pursuing the wrong dream. Is the Maltese Falcon a source of great wealth – a mere bauble, as many assume? Or is it something more...?

The Skull Diamond
Hewn from one of the largest diamonds ever discovered, an anonymous genius hand-carved the raw stone into the shape of a human skull, to scale. The diamond is one of the most beautiful works of art ever created, a priceless jewel that has caused untold awe…and endless misery.

The Skull Diamond’s true power is to harness the sun’s energy and focus it into lethal beams of destructive light. Don’t take this outside on a sunny day without a blanket…

Mr. Bigby’s Pistol
This revolver, created by the mad scientist/sorcerer Elias Bigby, is like any other revolver…except it never runs out of bullets.

The Spear of Destiny
Fervently sought after by the agents of Adolf Hitler (see below), the Spear of Destiny (used by a Roman soldier to wound Christ on the cross) is rumoured to give ultimate power to whoever wields it. What form this power takes is uncertain…

Villains & Secret Societies
The Doomsday Railway
The Doomsday Railway is both literal, stretching across the globe through the thickest jungles, over the greatest rivers, and under the oceans themselves, and metaphorical, with lines laid down in dozens of nations.

The deposed Persian warlord Viper Khan rules the Doomsday Railway with an iron fist, with the beautiful but deadly Dagger Wasp at his side.

Railway personnel each sport a tattoo, a band of railway tracks with a snake writhing on the ties and devouring its own tail encircling the left wrist. Railway operatives may come from anywhere in the world, and hold the full range of occupations: labourers, clerks, thugs, assassins, prostitutes, spies, informants, entrepreneurs…and, disturbingly, elected officials and members of the Royal family.

Railway workers are armed according to their temperament, but often with the society’s trademark sidearm, the Kali Ray, an incredibly destructive beam weapon developed by captured Commonwealth scientist Dr. Benazir Kardalla. Rescuing Dr. Kardalla is one of the Uncommoners’ most important missions, but she is among the most heavily guarded assets of the Railway.

Doomsday Railway trains are not merely means of transport: they are heavily armed juggernauts, capable of leaving their tracks and switching to tracked mode. Each Tesla-powered locomotive is loaded with surface-to-surface, surface-to-sea, and surface-to-air missiles. The bow of the locomotive serves as a terrifyingly effective battering ram. Other cars feature Tesla cannons, ack-ack guns, net guns, and Chakra launchers.

Doomsday trains, while the chief vehicle of the Doomsday Railway, are not the only vehicular assets of this dreaded secret society. They also field a respectable fleet of airships and a sizeable wet navy – all covert, of course.

The Nazis
Bent on world domination, Adolf Hitler’s National Socialist Party rose to power in the 1930s. Ready to go to war to reclaim Germany’s lost honour and, not incidentally, to create a new empire, a Fourth Reich that would topple the British Commonwealth, the Soviet Union, and the upstart United States. Hitler isn’t ready to beat the drums of war just yet, but his dreaded SS already works their mischief all over the world, undermining governments and seeking out the legendary artifacts – especially the fabled Spear of Destiny – that will guarantee Germany’s victory.

The Divine Claw
Deep within old Mongolia beats the evil heart of the Divine Claw…super-secret organization of deadly saboteurs, assassins, and architects of mischief. The Divine Claw is led by the reasonable but ruthless Chen Sing Nin, rumoured to be six thousand years old. Nin wishes to bring order to a chaotic world – and since he is the oldest and wisest of us all, naturally Nin should be in charge…forever. Nin has many children, all daughters, all beautiful, all brilliant, all deadly…but not all are loyal.

The Divine Claw already secretly rules Mongolia, and is rumoured to pull the strings in a number of Asian nations. The chaos in China may in fact be due to the Claw’s malevolent influence…

Miscellaneous Interesting Facts
During the times of Empire, British citizens celebrated Empire Day each May 24th.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Bad Fan Fiction Friday! The Spell of the Moment, Part One: The Federation Chalk Circle

Many fans of science fiction succumb to the temptation to write fan fiction.  As a wannabe but unsuccessful writer of fiction, I too have plumbed the depths of the phenomenon, even taking the embarrassing step of writing myself (or at least an idealized version of myself) into the story as the main character, as you'll see below. I know this is the worst sort of solipsistic wish fulfillment, but what fan of any genre fiction hasn't imagined himself or herself as the protagonist of such escapist adventures?

90 percent of fan fiction is crap, but as Sturgeon said, 90 percent of everything is crap, including the story you'll read below. But a handful of more gifted writers have produced fan fiction that garnered them enough respect to make the leap to professional status. So I think it's safe to say that if nothing else, fan fiction gives writers practice in crafting plot, dialogue and style while they develop their own original fictional worlds.

I wrote "The Federation Chalk Circle" sometime back in the early to mid 90s, just after graduating from university, back in the days when I was just beginning to make a living as a professional writer (of nonfiction, sadly). It takes place just before the events depicted in the eighth Star Trek film, First Contact.

Here's a fun game that I hope will take some of the sting out of the purple prose: see if you can spot the pop culture and literary references embedded in the text. And if you're a friend of mine from the 80s or 90s, see if you can spot yourself as one of the thinly-disguised supporting characters!

Star Trek: Ambassador
Spell of the Moment, Part One: The Federation Chalk Circle

Stardate 50890.1
Old Earth Calendar: November 2373
At the edge of the Otranto sector

Silence, but for the sound of his own steady breathing. Darkness, but for the unwinking stars that surrounded him. Admiral E.J. Woods hung in infinite emptiness, protected from vacuum only by the thin skin of his spacesuit, alone…

…or so it seemed. With a slight movement of his wrist, Woods activated the suit’s reaction-control thrusters and spun about his vertical axis. He was faced with the stark, graceful beauty of his ship, the Ambassador. She was at relative rest; only the regular flicker of her running lights and the dull blue glow of her engines gave any indication of activity. The admiral let his eyes play over the ship’s smooth lines, the clean, graceful form that could only be truly appreciated from this perspective. He hung there like a nervous supplicant, wondering - not for the first time - of the two of them, who was master and who was servant?

He thought about that for a moment, then realized that the question was a fallacy. Ideally, he thought, it’s a partnership. Starships might not be allowed sentience, but that doesn’t mean we have to treat them like slaves. And if we don’t treat them that way…then we can’t, ourselves, be treated in like manner. He smiled, a little smugly, pleased by his observation. All right, you’re anthropomorphizing, just like you used to do back in school. But could there be a connection between-

He was interrupted by a gentle whistle that reverberated inside his helmet.

“Ambassador to Admiral Woods,” Mr. Bridge, his comm officer, said.
   
“Woods here. I didn’t forget to top up my air supply, did I? Urk…gak…” He made a few choking noises and flailed his arms and legs about, no doubt provoking a few rolled eyes on the bridge.

“Um, Admiral, we’re getting a Priority One signal from Starfleet Command. Commander Il-Kaur requests you return to the ship immediately.”

Woods’ expression turned serious. “All right, I’m on my way.”

The admiral activated the suit’s main thruster and sped towards the ship, heading for the dorsal airlock. A few minutes later, he was in the locker room, removing his helmet. Just as he about to take off his chest plate, Commander Il-Kaur, his first officer, entered. A worried expression marred her beautiful features only slightly.

“So what is it?” he asked.

She looked him straight in the eyes.

“The Borg.”

Il-Kaur’s mouth was pressed into a thin line, and she fidgeted as Woods finished extricating himself from his spacesuit. Woods noted absently that she was wearing one of the new grey and black uniforms, the latest Starfleet fashion.

“What’s happening, Number One?” he asked as they walked briskly to the nearest turbolift. 

“Long range sensors on Deep Space Five have picked up indications of a transwarp conduit opening about 15 light years from Ivor Prime.”

Transwarp conduits were the Borg’s preferred method of travel over interstellar distances. As they entered the lift, Woods felt his palms start to sweat.

“Bridge,” Il-Kaur told the elevator.

“Don’t we have a colony on Ivor Prime?” Woods asked.

“Half a million people, mostly humans and Andorians, with minimal defences.”

“Let me guess. We’re the only ship between the Borg and Ivor Prime.”

Il-Kaur nodded with a wry, humourless grin as the lift doors opened, revealing the bridge. Ensign Echo was sitting in the center seat; she stood up immediately, making way for the Admiral. “Captain Noor on Deep Space Five said the station would be at our disposal,” Il-Kaur continued.

“That’s a little help, anyway,” Woods said as Echo returned to her traditional place at the Ops station. “What else?”

“Admiral Hayes has ordered us to intercept any Borg vessels we encounter. The Greystoke, the Bozeman, and the Sojourner Truth are on the way, but they won’t catch up to us until about an hour after we engage the Borg.”

“Great.” Woods took a deep breath. He’d been through a lot in just eight years of service to Starfleet…but the thought of facing the Borg terrified him. And he was taking over 800 people into the fray, in an 80-year-old starship, against the deadliest foe the Federation had ever faced. 800 lives. More than that - as the highest ranking officer in the sector, he was ultimately responsible for the lives on Ivor Prime, Deep Space Five, and the three starships racing to help.

That may have been why Il-Kaur had to prompt him.

“Sir…your orders?”

Even then, it took a moment for Woods to address Ensign Thuvia, the conn officer.

“Lay in a course to the coordinates of the transwarp conduit and engage, Ensign,” he said.

Thuvia, unperturbed, pressed a few buttons and the ship went superluminal, a ghostly streak against the stars, racing Armageddon.

` ` `

Cair Paravel, Ivor Prime

Cair Paravel was the only city on Ivor Prime. A modest metropolis of nanotech-constructed towers, Cair Paravel rested on the shores of the planet’s largest ocean, the Homeric. To the west was Ivor Prime’s great rain forest. The people of Ivor Prime enjoyed the same rich standard of living as other Federation citizens; their days were spent mostly in education or creative expression or sports contests. Only a minimal amount of labour was required to keep the colony thriving; robot satellites took care of Ivor Prime’s main industry, harvesting spare energy from the planet’s sun. So far, the young colony’s main contribution to the Federation had been their excellent Go tournament, which drew visitors from all over, especially Vulcan tourists.

The Federation’s current Go champion was also the mayor of Cair Paravel and de facto governor of Ivor Prime. Her name was Dinarzad Jones. She was the youngest daughter of a Persian poet and an American archeologist, both of some repute. Her older sister had gained fame as a storyteller, and it was partly that which had driven Dinarzad to Ivor Prime some fifteen years ago. Here, she could build something completely removed from her family’s well-meaning but sometimes stifling influence.

At the moment, Dinarzad was sitting on a park bench on Echo Beach, enjoying the breeze and the afternoon sun. Her head was tilted back, her eyes closed, the universe something abstract, far away.

Someone was tugging on her dress. She sighed and looked down, discovering little black-haired Enod and his group of friends. Dinarzad leaned forward and rested her chin on her hands, regarding Enod with a bemused expression.

“Tell us a story!” Enod demanded. The other children were already sitting down in the sand.

“A story,” Dinarzad echoed, her calm tone hiding the terror she felt whenever the children asked her to do this. Her sister was the great storyteller, not her.

But then Dinarzad remembered where she was, and remembered that these innocents had never heard of her sister. She smiled.

“Very well, then. Now…listen. Once upon a time, a young woman in China bore a son, who she loved with all her heart...”

“What’s China?” one of the children asked.

“It’s on Earth,” another answered before Dinarzad could reply.

“That’s right,” she said, “And she had a friend, a very lonely and jealous friend, who couldn’t have children. And the friend grew more and more envious, until finally she decided to claim the child as her own.”

“Of course, the real mother was very sad. Her friend was trying to steal her child. There was nothing to do but to take the case before an old, wise judge. It should have been an easy case to judge, but along the way the facts had become confused, and so in the end it was the word of the real mother against that of the false.”

“What did the judge do?” Enod asked.

“The judge came down from his high wooden chair, and in his hand was a piece of white chalk. He stooped over and used the chalk to draw a large circle on the courtroom floor. And then he told the boy to stand in the centre of the circle. And the boy obeyed.”

“Then the judge said to the two women, ‘Now the two of you shall each take one arm of the boy. You shall each try to pull the boy from the circle. Whichever succeeds in pulling the boy to her side will naturally be revealed as the true mother, since the strength of her love overcame the pretender’s.”

“And so the judge held his hand high, and each of the women gripped the boy tightly by one arm. The judge dropped his hand, signaling the women to begin. For a moment, the two women struggled, and the boy cried out as his poor arms were pulled upon. But only a moment did the contest last, for the true mother suddenly released her son, who flew into the arms of the pretender.”

There was a shocked gasp from the children.

“The pretender cried out triumphantly. “See!” she said, “I told you I was the true mother all along!”

“But the judge then commanded her to release the boy. Her eyes grew round and her lips were twisted with rage. ‘But I won the contest!’ she protested, ‘My love was stronger than hers!’”

“The judge shook his head. ‘Only a fool could believe that you were the true mother of this helpless boy,’ he pronounced. ‘For in the instant that her child was threatened, this woman’ – and here the judge pointed at the boy’s true mother – ‘this woman let her son fall into the arms of a pretender rather than participate in his destruction. That is the true test of the chalk circle.’”

“And so the boy ran back into the arms of his joyfully sobbing mother, and they lived happily ever after.”

“That story sucks,” a little boy snorted.

Dinarzad suppressed a burst of anger. “Well, next time I’ll tell a story about a dragon,” she promised, her voice sharper than she’d intended.

The children ran off into the surf, though Enod lagged behind. After a moment, he returned. “Ms. Mayor, what was that story about?”

“Well, Enod, better thinkers than I have answered that question a lot of different ways. I guess it’s about the price of violence, and how sometimes fighting for something can do more damage than simply letting it go.”

“But, wouldn’t the little boy have been unhappy, being away from his mom?”

“Perhaps, but I think the point is that he would have still been alive to be unhappy.”

“Oh.”

Enod ran off to join his friends then. After a moment, Dinarzad stood, kicked off her sandals, and made her way towards the water, intending to stroll along the beach before returning home.

That was when a great shadow passed over the face of the sun, dropping the city into sudden darkness. Dinarzad paused, looking up…

A shaft of swirling, pulsating light pierced the darkness, stabbing into the heart of the city. Dinarzad watched in horror as the city began to shake, its towers buckling, its citizens screaming as the entire community began to rise, ripped from the planet, torn from its foundations. Dinarzad stumbled back in shock, tripping and landing on her rear end in the shallows, instantly soaked to the skin. The children were screaming, she was screaming, and she felt the tide take her out to sea, away from the great catastrophe unfolding before her…

The last thing she saw before she was pulled beneath the waves was the surreal vision of her city, her friends, rising into the sky on a pillar of ugly green light.

` ` `

Ambassador dropped out of warp space just in time to see the ugly grey bulk of a Borg cube focus its tractor beam on Ivor Prime. The ship raced forward on impulse power, aimed straight at the cube and the blue-green planet it was assaulting.

“My God, we’re too late,” Bridge groaned, his eyes locked on the horrific vision on the viewscreen.

“Sound general quarters,” Woods said.

“Answering general quarters,” Ensign Thuvia said at Conn, “Going to Red Alert…”

Red light filled the bridge. Woods gripped the arms of his chair tightly, his hands sweating more than ever. Please don’t let me get them all killed, he thought.

“Raise shields, arm phasers and photon torpedoes,” Il-Kaur ordered.

“Flank speed. On my command, fire all weapons,” Woods heard himself say in a voice that was shaking just a little. The Ambassador was among the oldest ships in the fleet. Even with her recent refit, she was no match for a Borg vessel.

The ship was coming straight “down” on the cube. Woods could see the shattered remains of a city held prisoner in the shimmering tractor beam. The cube grew larger as they bore down on it.

“Transmission coming in from the cube,” Bridge said. A booming, hideous voice filled the room:

“We are the Borg. Do not attempt to interfere. Your culture will adapt to service us. Lower your shields and prepare for assimilation. We seek only to improve quality of life.”

Drea McLood, standing at the tactical station at the rear of the bridge, murmured to herself with her signature German accent. “There’s nothing like an earnest Borg, nein?”

Echo and Thuvia, their stations positioned side by side at the fore of the bridge, took a moment to look at each other. Woods watched as they extended and linked their hands, holding tightly to one another.

They expect to die, he realized. And so do I. He licked his lips and formed the words that would seal their fate:

“Fire!”
            
*   *   *

That's as far as I got, though I do have a vague outline of a plot stored away in my brain. The mayor's tale of the chalk circle was meant to serve as foreshadowing to the struggle Admiral Woods and the Ambassador would soon face as they attempt to save Ivor Prime - and by extension the Federation - from the Borg. Can you save something by surrendering? That's what the characters would have found out....