Remembrances of Friends Past

Earlier today, I met with four old friends to honour the passing of a fifth. 

Behind me are Jeff Pitts, Kevin Kelly, Vern Ryan, and Ray Brown, old schoolmates and friends. In the 1980s, we regularly met with our other friend, Paul Ravensdale, to play Dungeons & Dragons, Supremacy, Villains & Vigilantes, console or computer games on various Atari machines--and we even raced around outside too, back in those days before cell phones and the Internet. 

Paul was a tall, strong guy, the kind of person that would have made a terrifying bully for smaller kids. But while Paul had a temper that could be set off under certain circumstances, he was absolutely not a bully, but a stalwart friend with a sadistic sense of humour that really resonated with me. Paul took sinister delight in making things very difficult for our characters when we played roleplaying games in modern settings such as Recon or Top Secret. If we made stupid decisions in Paul's games, we paid dearly. Harsh, but fair, and we always had a blast. 

As often happens, I fell out of touch with Paul (and everyone else in this photo but Jeff), though I did have coffee a couple of times with Paul in the early 2000s. Paul joined the Canadian Armed Forced before his wedding back in 1989 (an event those above attended), and served most of his time in Manitoba. But he worked in Edmonton for a short interim, and that's when we briefly reconnected. 

Paul retained his friendly demeanor, but his experiences overseas had affected him deeply. He didn't speak in specifics, but it was clear he was traumatized by his experiences in the former Yugoslavia during its breakup in the 1990s. 

One of those lunches with Paul in 2002 or 2003 was the last time I saw him. It's a truism that any time we see someone could be the last time, but realizing the reality of it still hits hard. I learned later that Paul experienced further trauma during his military career, and I regret not reaching out again immediately. You never know when it will be too late. 

Ray and Vern were able to travel to Brandon, Manitoba, for Paul's funeral, and organized today's gathering for us to celebrate what would have been Paul's 55th (I believe) birthday. We caught up with each other's lives, shared some laughs, and exchanged some thoughts and memories about Paul. We all remember him fondly; he was a big (literally) part of our lives during some of our most important formative years. 

Miss you, pal. I hope you're at peace. 

 

Through a Lens, Darkly

I've always loved Halloween. My first Halloween - at least, the first I remember - happened in Leaf Rapids. It was an unseasonably warm October that year - "unseasonably warm" for northern Manitoba meaning that it was merely freezing, with wet snow chilling me to the bone. I only remember that wet snow and the ghost costume my mother hand-made for me sticking to my skin, soaking. I think I had fun anyway.

The next Halloween I remember happened in Leduc, grade five or six. I made my own costume this time; I was a robot. I stapled cardboard boxes together with a staple gun and covered everything in tin foil. There was a dance, and the costume was so hot that I felt faint...plus the staples were jabbing into my body. It was extremely uncomfortable.

Here's a photo of Jeff Pitts and Kevin Kelly and me, ready to head out for some Halloween event or another in 1987. I don't remember anything about what we might have done that night; without this photo, I wouldn't have been able to tell you that I did anything for Halloween in 1987 at all. It's odd that this picture was taken at Mom and Dad's place in Leduc, since I would have been living at Lister Hall at the U of A at the time, in my first year of post-secondary education.

I do remember Halloween 1990, though; a bunch of friends gathered at Earl's on the university campus and then headed over to Lister Hall for the Halloween dance. I think Ron Briscoe's defrocked priest was the best costume, although Jeff and Susan as Prince and Princess Charming were pretty awesome too. Then again, so was Tony's genie...and so was Carrie's harem girl. I'm not sure who Steven Neumann was supposed to be...I think Michael Snyder was a pirate.

The next Halloween I remember was back in 1996, when Leslie, who was my boss at the time, took me to a GLBT-friendly Halloween party. She was a vampire, I was "Ensign Woods on shore leave." (That is, I wore my old grade nine home-made gold Star Trek tunic, beach shorts and carried around a frisbee.) No pictures of that event, unfortunately, but as you might expect because of gay stereotypes, the costumes were really terrific. The people were really nice, too, especially considering I was still pretty naive about gay and lesbian culture at the time.

Sylvia's birthday falls just a few days before Halloween. I don't recall what we did for the holiday that year, but it was Sylvia's 35th birthday - the first I'd experienced as her boyfriend - and we celebrated the milestone by throwing a huge party.

By 2006 we had our own home and were carving pumpkins together.

Only a few of the intrepid folks at the Official Opposition dressed up for Halloween in 2007, but our boss Judy was one of them, in an amazing Three Stooges mask.

In 2008, Sylvia borrowed my phaser and my old Star Trek command tunic (originally made in grade nine!) to gently mock my pop culture obsessions.

I wish I had more photos to prop up my Halloween memories, but these will have to do. Until next year...happy haunting.