Joey the Trainer

"Ya gotta hit him from the left, ya lousy bum! Are you throwing this fight on purpose? You better be, because if this performance is really the best you can do I'll make you start sparring with my gramma! She'll teach you a thing or two, you lazy louse!" 
 

The Ref

"Okay boys, remember: I want a dirty fight. No hitting above the belt, no one goes to their corner until one of you is unconscious." 
 

Buddy Flynn

Boxing manager. Tough, but a good soul. Relatively speaking. 
 

Vintage TV Magnifying Lens

Earlier tonight I watched the boxing noir The Square Jungle (Jerry Hopper, 1955). Early in the film, as we're introduced to protagonist Eddie Quade (Tony Curtis) and his ne'er-do-well father, Pat (Jim Backus), we see a small television in the scene's background. The camera doesn't call any attention whatsoever to the television, but I couldn't help but notice the large magnifying lens mounted in front of the screen, presumably as a cheap means of creating a bigger picture. That's just speculation on my part; this is the first I've ever heard of such a device. 

A quick search reveals that such devices were indeed a thing during the early television era; here's an example. Fascinating! 
 

Muhammad Ali as an Action Figure with Ten Points of Articulation

Now The Greatest is The Greatest Action Figure of All Time! Marvel at these dynamic poses, including the incredible moment when the Poet Laureate of Boxing floated like a butterfly to avoid a nefarious low blow! 
 

Superman vs. Muhammad Ali: The Movie

Rao knows I love Richard Donner's Superman (1978), the film that cemented my love for the characters and stories that made up the world of Clark Kent and his heroic alter ego. Donner's adaptation captured almost the full gestalt of what makes the character great: his goodness, his vulnerability, the tragedy of his birth, the irony of being two-thirds of an impossible to reconcile love triangle, the weight of his self-imposed responsibilities. And Donner captured these elements in a film that avoided campiness (save perhaps when it comes to the villains) and treated the mythos with respect. 

But another great Superman story emerged in 1978: Superman vs. Muhammad Ali, a gorgeous oversized tabloid comic book crafted by two legendary figures in comics: writer Denny O'Neil and artist Neal Adams. While the concept sounds like a gimmick of questionable taste, O'Neil and Adams put the two icons, one real, one imagined, on equal footing through good storytelling and clever use of the mythologies of both men. 

The plot is really quite simple: an alien armada arrives in Earth orbit. It's the Scrubb, a renowned warrior species who've heard that Earth, too, is a planet renowned for its martial prowess. An emissary of the Scrubb demands that Muhammad Ali, who they dub Earth's greatest warrior, must fight the Scrubb champion in gladiatorial combat. Refuse, and Earth dies under a hail of nuclear missiles. 

Of course, the alien emissary finds Ali just as he's being interviewed by Clark Kent, Lois Lane, and Jimmy Olsen, Clark slips away to change into Superman and argues he should be the one to fight the Scrubb champion, acknowledging that while Ali is the world's greatest human fighter, he, Superman, is superhuman...to which Ali responds if anyone's going to fight for Earth, it should be someone born on Earth. 

The alien emissary doesn't care who fights as long as someone does, so he sets up a primary bout that will take place in an arena that nullifies Superman's powers, guaranteeing a fair fight. Well, "fair" in the sense that now you have a guy that's still pretty strong but who's never needed any training to win fights going up against, well, Muhammad Ali. 

While this setup sounds like silly kid stuff, the storytelling abilities on hand really sell the idea, and the narrative gives both Ali and Superman plenty of moments to shine, with three great boxing sequences, some Mission:Impossible style covert ops, and a spectacular space battle. In the end it turns into a legitimately exciting space opera that, if filmed with care and an admittedly huge budget to capture Neal Adams' incredible visuals, could have rivalled the Star Wars films for escapist entertainment back in the day. 

Naturally you'd use the cast from Donner's Superman, and Ali would, of course, play himself. Somewhere out there in the multiverse, you can see this movie...

A Rocky Weekend

This weekend, I screened the Rocky films from Rocky to Rocky Balboa. My quick impressions:

Rocky: Just as good as I remember.
Rocky II: Better than I expected.
Rocky III: Better than I remember.
Rocky IV: As bad as I remember.
Rocky V: Not quite as disappointing as I expected.
Rocky Balboa: Far better than I expected.

Were I to rank these, I'd say Rocky, Rocky Balboa, Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky V, Rocky IV (which is to Rocky movies as Rambo III is to Rambo movies; hilarious but embarrassing Cold War propaganda).

Having watched these pretty much back-to-back, I find it amazing how Stallone and his co-creators managed to milk a very specific formula to create four good-to-great films out of six. I look forward to Creed and Creed 2. 

Fight of the Century

Earl vs. Boxing Day

Of all holy days Boxing is the leet-est
The only holy day where you can't be defeatist
As Canadians we pummel the shadows of fe-ar
And we offer knuckle sandwiches as the only appe-teaser
Oh, Christmas is real fine but -

Hmmm? Sorry? It's not about the sport of boxing, but putting stuff in boxes?

But now my poem doesn't work. It's turned into free verse. And when Sylvia sees it she'll scream "My brain hurts!"

The Chump

Once a year, it's my job to lead the creation of an Official Opposition video to entertain guests at the Alberta Legislature's annual press gallery Christmas party. Each caucus - as well as the press gallery itself - brings a short, ideally funny, self-deprecating video that summarizes the year in provincial politics. It's a task I anticipate with a mix of delight and aversion; it's a fun job, but also a stressful one simply because it's a busy time of year.

I cannot, of course, divulge the plot of this year's Alberta Liberal video, but the picture above provides a clue to its general theme. It's certainly the most ambitious of the videos I've worked on for caucus. On Thursday night, I'll find out if people think it's funny.