A Fantastic Foe in the Palm of His Hand

 

Stretching Abilities

If I had stretching abilities like Mr. Fantastic or the Elongated Man, I'd definitely use them to help Sylvia reach things because she's even shorter than me, but I'd ALSO tease her with silly antics such as inflating my eyeballs or stretching my neck up high so I could look over people taller than us in public. "Stop making a scene," she'd say. Hee hee! 

I'd probably entertain some fantasies about fighting crime, but in the real world I think it would be pretty hard to find a crime in progress, and interfering without any training might do more harm than good. Also, crime can be better addressed by reducing income inequality, providing better social supports, improving public education, and creating affordable housing, among other measures. Sure, I might be able to wrap my body around bank robbers and hold them until the police arrive, but how much does that really benefit society? 

I'd definitely entertain myself by rolling down mountains, though. Or maybe jumping out of airplanes and seeing how high I bounce. Wheeee! 

What a Revoltin' Development

I don't know why, but I take great amusement in switching around action figure heads to different bodies. In reality, Ben would need a bigger suit of armour. 
 

If Not the FF, Then...

As Steve pointed out in yesterday's post, it's unlikely the Fantastic Four will debut as a live-action television series anytime soon. Not only do intellectual property holders have an irrational phobia about allowing characters to appear in competing media at the same time (we viewers are too stupid to understand the differences between a television Batman, for example, and a movie Batman), the Fantastic Four would be an incredibly expensive show, more expensive by far than even Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Steve and Sean suggested some of Marvel's urban crimefighters could headline their own show, which makes sense; heroes like Iron Fist and Power Man have relatively simple powers, though the suggested '70s period setting, while cool, might also make such a show prohibitively expensive.

So. If I had to guess which four shows Marvel might be working on - and leaving out the Incredible Hulk and the proposed Agent Carter show, which have already been suggested - here's what I'd gamble on...

X-23
Hugh Jackman is too expensive to offer more than a cameo from time to time, so why not produce a series about his female clone? It could follow the same general format as the old Incredible Hulk show; hunted by her creators, X-23 wanders North America, running from her own past to try and find a home.

Hail Hydra
This would be the anti-Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.; while the do-goodniks of S.H.I.E.L.D. have their adventures, Hydra plots to take over the world. Lots of potential for crossovers, and ABC could run the shows back to back much as the WB ran Buffy and Angel back to back years ago.

Captain Marvel
They might save her for the Avengers movies, but Carol Danvers is probably Marvel's most bankable heroine, next to She-Hulk or the Invisible Woman. Give her Jessica Drew as a best friend and you have the makings of a new Odd Couple of the superheroine set. Could make a great dramedy.

Hawkeye
Television executives love to ape success, so with Arrow on the air and doing well, Marvel's carbon-copy archer could hit the airwaves despite his involvement in the movies.

Could Fantastic Four be the Next Star Trek?

Deadline reports that Marvel has an ambitious plan to bring more of its characters to television. While this report only specifies one possible show, I hope Marvel is considering a new Fantastic Four series. If done right, such a series could fill the empty space left by the absence of Star Trek.

Consider the fundamentals of each story:

Star Trek features a tightly-knit group of adventurers exploring strange new worlds in time and space.

The Fantastic Four are a tightly-knit family exploring strange new worlds in time and space.

Star Trek's characters can be defined by their logic (Spock), leadership (Kirk), heart (Bones), youthful exuberance (Chekov), grace under pressure (Uhura)...

The Fantastic Four are defined by logic (Mr. Fantastic), leadership (Mr. Fantastic again), heart (the Thing), youthful exuberance (the Human Torch), grace under pressure (the Invisible Woman)...

Star Trek's colour palette consists of the bright primaries of the early colour television era.

The Fantastic Four's colour palette consists of the bright primaries of mid-twentieth century printing technology.

Star Trek's characters face colourful, larger-than-life villains such as Trelane, the Klingons, Khan, V'Ger, the Doomsday Machine...

The Fantastic Four face the Mole Man, Galactus, the Skrulls, Dr. Doom...

Star Trek's strange new worlds include the Guardian of Forever, the shore leave world, Yonada, the great barrier at the edge of the galaxy...

The Fantastic Four has encountered the Microverse, the Negative Zone, the Blue Area of the Moon...

Frame a Fantastic Four series in the Star Trek mold and add the FF's inherent family drama and I think you could have a real winner. I'd certainly watch.

Laws 'n Things

Back in the 70s I was an avid collector of Marvel Two-in-One, the team-up book that paired the Fantastic Four's The Thing with other Marvel superheroes. In this issue Thing teams up with Matt Murdock, blind criminal defence lawyer (and also Daredevil). Jailed for causing tremendous property damage, Thing is at first resigned to his fate, prepared to wait in jail to stand trial despite his ability to break out at any moment...that is, until Matt lets some information slip suggesting Thing was framed. With that all bets are off and Thing uses his super-strength to bust out of prison.

I love Matt's rationalizations. "Technically, Ben is escaping. But he's also innocent - even if it hasn't been proven in a court of law." I imagine failing to alert the authorities about an escape in progress would probably get any lawyer disbarred, even one who represents superheroes.

The Financial Foibles of the Fantastic Four

Given the current recession and the state of most RRSPs these days, I can't help but take comfort from Mr. Fantastic's umbrage. Even a genius like Reed Richards can take a hit from the market, just like the rest of us.

Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, creators of the Fantastic Four, revolutionized comic superheroes by bringing their typically larger-than-life antics down to earth from time to time. On one page, the FF or Spider-Man might be fighting a galactic threat; on the next, worrying about their dysfunctional lives. I wonder how much Reed might have fetched for the Pogo Plane, the Fantasticar or the Ultimate Nullifier if he'd had access to ebay...