Earl's Nut Preference Ranking

1. Brazil
2. Macadamia
3. Coconut
4. Pecan
5. Walnut
6. Pistachio
7. Cashew
8. Filbert
9. Peanut
10. Almond

Pine nuts not ranked because I don't think I've ever eaten a pine nut. 

Do not store nuts in your refrigerator; they get mushy. 

Mr. Peanut Delivers

 Over a decade ago, I complained about the lack of Brazil nuts in a foil bag of Planters mixed nuts. Recently I acquired three 250g tins of Planters mixed nuts; they were on sale for less than three dollars each. The first tin contained a paltry pair of Brazils, which was annoying but not catastrophic. The second tin had exactly zero Brazil nuts. In high dudgeon, I prepared to rant again on this blog about the paucity of the finest nut, despite having the benefit of Jeff Shyluk's scientific explanation of the Brazil-less phenomenon. 

But today I opened the third tin, and  I saw this: 

Yes, resting atop the pile of mixed nuts, in accordance with granular convection (AKA the Brazil nut effect), were two-and-a-half Brazils. Astonished, I poked around with my finger and found a fourth Brazil struggling to reach the surface of the pile. I am almost afraid to explore further, but I don't want to look a gift nut in the ear, so I'll enjoy the three-and-a-half in my possession and celebrate if more turn up. 

Mr. Peanuts

My paternal grandmother left behind these intriguing Mr. Peanut salt and pepper shakers, presumably a collectible giveaway from some decade long past. One Mr. Peanut is missing a hat, making him useless as a spice dispenser, but he still cuts a dashing figure. 

Dear Mr. Peanut

Dear Mr. Peanut,

Having just finished a 300 g bag of Planters Mixed Nuts (60% Peanuts), I note with some consternation that not a single Brazil nut was included in the package. For days I consumed filberts, peanuts, almonds and cashews, thinking how odd it was that my fingers had yet to brush against a noble Brazil. And now, gazing into the bottom of an empty foil bag, peering at the sad remains - a few peanut skins and some crumbs - the awful truth remains: no Brazils, despite their prominent appearance on the packaging.

It's true that Brazils are the last nut mentioned on the list of ingredients, but surely that implies that at least one such nut (or arguably two, since the plural is used) will be found in the bag. Why, then, did I fail to encounter a single Brazil - or even a fraction of one?

I can only assume that each bag of Planters Mixed Nuts (60% Peanuts) is assembled mechanically, with nut chutes pouring the appropriate proportion of goobers, filberts, etc. into each bag. Was the Brazil nut hopper not loaded for this bag? Or - horrors - did the hopper remain empty for hours? Days? There could be hundreds of bags missing the essential Brazil.

Please address this grievous error, lest the competition get a legume up on you.

Yours,

Earl J. Woods
Concerned Nutty Fan