The Three Stooges vs Bruce Lee, According to Craiyon

Middle left and middle right come closest to my anarchic vision, but AI still has a long, long way to go...
 

Harold Lloyd vs. the Three Stooges

 

The Words Behind the Pictures

I don't know exactly how Letterboxd defines a writing credit for the purposes of their database, but I suspect it's broader than just screenplays, judging by some of the names on my list of most-seen films written by these people. 

Having seen all the films that Charlie Chaplin has directed, I suppose it's no surprise that he's also my most-seen writer, too, given the amount of control and involvement Chaplin had in his films. 

The next three names in the list--Maltese, Foster, and Pierce--all wrote a bunch of Looney Tunes shorts. 

Ben Hecht, next on the list, has a fascinating filmography, writing superb films like Notorious, Spellbound, Scarface, Design for Living, Stagecoach, The Thing, and Strangers on a Train, but also z-grade stuff like Queen of Outer Space, the 1967 version of Casino Royale, and Switching Channels. 

Felix Adler wrote Three Stooges shorts. 

Ian Fleming makes the list thanks to James Bond and Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang. 

David Lynch, of course, writes or co-writes most of the material he directs.

Clyde Bruckman is another writer of Three Stooges shorts, but also features from comedy greats such as Buster Keaton and Harold Lloyd. 

Woody Allen, like Chaplin and Lynch, writes much of his own material. 

Stephen King makes the list, I suspect, because of "story by..." credits for the many adaptations of his novels and short stories. 

Laurent Bouzereau produces short documentary "making-of" subjects that appear as special features on many of my discs. 

Orson Welles, again, is another film polymath. 

George Lucas makes the list thanks to Star Wars, Indiana Jones, American Graffiti, etc. 

Sylvester Stallone, I suspect, is here thanks to the Rocky and Rambo franchises. 

Elwood Ullman is another Three Stooges writer. What a fun job that would have been...

Richard Matheson is a well-regarded prose fantasist, SF author, and contributor of teleplays to The Twilight Zone, among other shows. Here for adaptations, much like King, I suspect. 

Ethan Coen is of course one-half of the famous Coen Brothers writing-directing team.

And finally, David Cronenberg is another director who writes much of his own material. 

 

The 3D Stooges

On Saturday night I screened The Mad Magician, a fun 1954 horror tragedy starring Vincent Price as a nice guy magician who gets wronged one too many times and, well, goes mad, turning to murder. The Blu-Ray is another fine disc with work from the 3D Archive; they do a really superb job of restoring vintage 3D films for current 3D television systems, and for my money the results on my home TV are more satisfying than the 3D theatre experience. (Sadly, though, 3D TVs aren't being manufactured anymore, or at least the number of models is disappearing fast, so I have to rush through my 3D collection before this TV goes bust.)

As a nice little bonus, the disc includes two remastered Three Stooges shorts, also in high definition 3D: "Spooks" and "Pardon My Backfire." Let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've seen Moe, Larry, and Shemp do their patented eyeball-stooging right at YOUR EYES in 3D. And of course other implements of pain (along with some pies) get thrown at the audience throughout each short. I'm not sure what possessed the disc producers to include two Stooges shorts in this package, but bless them! 

The Seventh Stooge

Someone should make a 3 Stooges short from the perspective of a medical professional who witnesses, with incredulity, the Stooges' antics. "He should have a concussion!" "Why aren't all of his bones broken?"

I think it would be a riot.

Stooge Defence Pattern Alpha

Here is a photo of Jeff and Susan from the mid-1990s. In this dramatic image, Jeff uses the only known maneuver that foils the dreaded Stooge form eyeball assault. I'm still amazed that I had the reflexes to get this shot. 

Story Treatment: Bruce Lee vs. The Three Stooges

A couple of days ago Jeff e-mailed me about Bruce Lee Game, restless because he couldn't get the classic out of his head. Hoping to soothe Jeff somewhat, I responded by sharing my concept for the ultimate film:

Bruce Lee vs. The Three Stooges
Many years ago I imagined a movie called Bruce Lee vs. the Three Stooges. In the film, the Stooges have set up their own dojo as a get-rich-quick scheme. They develop a style called Prat Fu (in the screenplay only, the name isn't actually used in dialogue). Due to a misunderstanding, Bruce Lee comes to believe that an assault on his own dojo was orchestrated by the Stooges (it was actually executed by Evil Ninjas in Stooge costumes and carried out in Bruce's absence; it's Bruce's students who suffer the assault and name the fake Stooges as the assailants). Bruce Lee gets into a karate kung fu battle with the Stooges, with predictable results - in fact, the Stooges do more damage to themselves than Bruce does. Realizing the Stooges are too stupid and incompetent to have carried out the attack on his dojo, Bruce apologizes and enlists the Stooges in a plan to draw out the real culprits, using them as bait to lure the perpetrators out into the open. Bruce expects to have to rescue the hapless Stooges from the Evil Ninjas, but to Bruce's amazement the Stooges manage to overcome the Ninjas through completely accidental slapstick, plus a little sly behind-the-scenes help from Bruce - you can imagine the sort of thing I mean. After the fight, Bruce congratulates the bruised, dazed, but victorious Stooges on their prowess (with a knowing wink to the audience).

I like to think that as computers evolve, eventually I'll be able to plunk that paragraph into Make-My-Movie (TM) software and it'll spit out the finished film in a few minutes. 

The Blob

A couple of weeks ago I was fooling around with one of those innumerable iPhone photography apps and accidentally shot this. I don't know what I was actually trying to photograph, but this result is sort of cool. The Blob is due for another remake, isn't it?

Come to think of it, the Blob should fight Godzilla. And the Three Stooges, but then the Three Stooges should fight everyone: Bruce Lee, Tarzan, Zorro, Hannibal Lecter, Dirty Harry, the Man with No Name, the Three Musketeers, the Mummy, etc. I'd go see each and every "Three Stooges vs." movie. In fact, I'd buy them all on Blu-Ray. Get with it, Hollywood!