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Showing posts with label Bitter Litter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bitter Litter. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

National Aboriginal Day

Today is National Aboriginal Day in Canada, but despite growing up in northern Manitoba I feel woefully unqualified to speak to the complex issues surrounding the relationship between Canada's indigenous peoples and the European settlers from which I descend. My limited experience comes almost exclusively from my mostly long-distance relationship with my paternal grandmother's decades-long partnership with Val Head, seen here a few years ago at their home in Cranberry Portage, Manitoba.

I only saw Val every few years after we moved to Alberta in 1979, but during the 1970s Val was involved in several memorable family adventures, including the time we wound up trapped on an island during a thunderstorm while on a fishing trip; we put baby Sean under the boat. Val was very good at catching, cleaning and cooking fish over a campstove (Mom and Dad were no slouches either); to this day my favourite meal remains fresh pickerel fried exactly that way, even though I haven't tasted it in probably 30 years.

Val also taught me how to utter a moose call, a party trick that I've used to amuse select friends and colleagues over the years, much to their collective amusement.

In recounting these memories I worry that I'm stereotyping Val in the "Indian guide" role; he was much more complex than that. He took care of Grandma, he played guitar, he had a huge collection of old Westerns on VHS, and he loved gadgets; for many years, Grandma and Val were early adopters of a bunch of cool technology, and in fact they passed along a very nice (for the time) video camera that I used through high school and university to make most of the silly movies Paranoid Productions is famous (?) for, including Bitter Litter and Generous Nature.

I'm glad Val was in our lives. I wish I'd asked him how he felt about aboriginal issues; he never mentioned the subject in my presence. He struck me as the type of person who just wanted to get along with others, but I'll never know what his true feelings were. If you fail to take advantage of your opportunities to understand people, you'll lose them. Maybe that's what National Aboriginal Day should be about. 

Friday, May 06, 2016

Bitter Litter II: Basil's Revenge

Bitter Litter II: Basil's Revenge

Screenplay.....Earl J. Woods
Directed.....Earl J. Woods

Starring
Steven Neumann.....The Robot
Ron Briscoe.....Corpse
Jeff Shyluk.....Basil
Earl J. Woods...Voice of the Artificial Intelligence

1. INT. An apartment and adjoining hallway. A body lies prone with a cord wrapped around its neck. Another body is sprawled across the first. A humanoid ROBOT stands over them, a hammer in hand.

ROBOT: I have littered. I must take out the trash.

The ROBOT drags the two men - BASIL and VENGEFUL MAN - out the door and down the hall.

CLOSE SHOT of BASIL's eyes, fluttering open. He appears to have only been stunned by the blow delivered in the first BITTER LITTER film!

BASIL: My head...what...what happened...the brain machine...my mother told me...never to be a quitter...Doc...Doc...he shot her...that punk with the ray gun shot her...earrrgghhh!!!!

BASIL wrenches himself from the ROBOT's grasp. The ROBOT drops the CORPSE of the man with the cord around his neck.

ROBOT: Stop. You are trash. You are no longer bitter.

BASIL: No longer bitter? No longer bitter? I'll show you how bitter I am! I still have the brain machine!

BASIL starts turning and twisting dials. The ROBOT stutters and spasms.

ROBOT: Stop! My circuits - you are scrambling them - making my eyes - glitter - flitter -

BASIL: Yeah!? Why don't you tweet about it on Twitter???

ROBOT: Danger! Anachron particles detected! Continuity crisis made possible by mutant machine!

CUT TO

2. INT. OFFICE. A 1990s-era IBM PC sits on a desk. A happy face glows on the green CRT monitor.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE: I am the world's first and only artificial life form, Doctor! Well, except for your Robot, and it doesn't count because it's just a rhyming murder machine! Aren't humans proved so respectful?

3. INT. HALLWAY. ROBOT and BASIL battle. ROBOT knocks BASIL's glasses off with his hammer.

BASIL: My glasses! I can't see a thing without them! I'm blind as a ba-aaa-aaa--aaaattt!

ROBOT: Now you can change careers and be a pipe fitter. You no longer need to be the witter of us anymore.

BASIL: You're not making seee-eeennn---ssseeee!!!

BASIL, in desperation, throws the brain machine at the ROBOT. The ROBOT's face is smashed and its head explodes.

BASIL: I did it! I killed the Robot! Now who's the quitter, Ma? Now who's the quitter!? Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

4. INT. the INSTITUTE. The DIRECTOR appears, carrying the brain machine. He scurries down a dark hallway as he delivers the film's coda:

DIRECTOR: This has been another...Paranoid...Production. 

Sunday, March 27, 2016

I Have a Mouth and I Must Scream

My friend Jeff hates a couple of things with a passion: the Paranoid Productions film Bitter Litter, in which he stars, and Photoshop's lens flare filter. For my own amusement, and because I know this will make Jeff cry "Argh!", I combined Jeff's two antipassions in this image. 

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Glimpses of Bitter Litter

A couple of posts ago I mentioned my short film Bitter Litter in passing. I'm certain that the parties involved (Ron, Jeff, Susan and Steven) would punish me should I ever lose my wits and post it on YouTube, but I thought it might be fun to share a few screencaps to give discerning filmgoers an idea of the picture's quality (or lack thereof):
As the mad scientist (Susan) looks on, Basil (Jeff) examines the robot (Steven) with his "brain machine." Shot on location in Susan's apartment!
An angry bystander (Ron) confronts Basil after the robot kills "his brother"/"that man!" (We weren't big on continuity.)
But Basil turns the tables: "I'll strangle you, you fiend! Strangle you!"
But the robot runs amok, killing Basil.
Of all the films we made while members of the University of Alberta Star Trek Club, this was probably the worst - our "Plan 9," if you will. And yet I still look upon it with fondness to match the disgust and repulsion of my cast.