Tuesday, April 19, 2022

Earl's Pizza Commandments

Just minutes ago I was involved in a group text discussion with Sean, Jeff, and Stephen, and there was some disagreement on acceptable pizza toppings. For the record, here's my comprehensive list of toppings I would and would not eat willingly: 

My Favourite Toppings
Cheese (mozzarella, cheddar, feta) 
Tomato sauce
Bolognese sauce
Pepperoni
Ham (including prosciutto)
Salami
Ground beef
Red pepper
Green pepper
Yellow pepper
Onion
Green onion
Shrimp
Pineapple
Fresh tomato
Bacon
Jalapenos 
Various savory herbs and spices


Toppings Good in Certain Combinations
Potato slices
Sour cream
Marinara sauce
Chili peppers
Sundried tomatoes
Spinach
Taco shells

Toppings I'll Choke Down to Be Polite or if I'm Really Starving
Mushrooms (though I will pick them out on the sly if I can do so unseen) 
Chicken
Sausage
Donair meat
Steak (too chewy, plus risk of fat and gristle, eewwww)
Carrot slices (raw only) 

Uncivilized Toppings Fit Only for the Demented
Beets
Yams
Sweet potatoes
Liver
Fish
Black olives
Pickles
Ketchup
Mayo
Relish
Kale
Kimchi
Turnip
Cauliflower
Broccoli
Brussels sprouts
Green olives


These choices seem reasonable to me, but when it comes to the human palate, tastes may, of course, vary. 

1 comment:

Jeff Shyluk said...

One of the greatest pies - almost all of those toppings I would not call pizza except in terms of convenience - is the favourite of the King himself, Elvis Presley. Among whatever other toppings... pulled pork. Honestly, that's a slice of heaven right there, a pulled pork pie, and if you're going to be into North American pizza with all of its sundry toppings and too much cheese (nothing wrong with that), I say you can't claim commandment status until you savour for yourself the hunka hunka burnin pulled pork pizza pie.

If you're going to be definitive about pizza, though, I'm a bit surprised you did not consider DOP pizza: Denominazione d'Origine Protetta (pizza from designated protected origins). The Neapolitans have your list beat by about a three hundred years, and I don't think any of your ingredients would make their roster. A true DOP pizza is a little difficult to come by in Canada, but not impossible. It's harder to find places that will make them, but not too difficult to make one yourself from DOC ingredients (authentic and imported from Italy).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neapolitan_pizza

One dirty secret of the Neapolitans is that our Canadian flour, especially crops grown in Manitoba, is superior in quality to the Italian DOC flour, and that if they can get it many pizza shops will prefer to use that. Good old Rogers or Robin Hood is more than sufficient.