A Fantastic Foe in the Palm of His Hand

 

Stretching Abilities

If I had stretching abilities like Mr. Fantastic or the Elongated Man, I'd definitely use them to help Sylvia reach things because she's even shorter than me, but I'd ALSO tease her with silly antics such as inflating my eyeballs or stretching my neck up high so I could look over people taller than us in public. "Stop making a scene," she'd say. Hee hee! 

I'd probably entertain some fantasies about fighting crime, but in the real world I think it would be pretty hard to find a crime in progress, and interfering without any training might do more harm than good. Also, crime can be better addressed by reducing income inequality, providing better social supports, improving public education, and creating affordable housing, among other measures. Sure, I might be able to wrap my body around bank robbers and hold them until the police arrive, but how much does that really benefit society? 

I'd definitely entertain myself by rolling down mountains, though. Or maybe jumping out of airplanes and seeing how high I bounce. Wheeee! 

The Financial Foibles of the Fantastic Four

Given the current recession and the state of most RRSPs these days, I can't help but take comfort from Mr. Fantastic's umbrage. Even a genius like Reed Richards can take a hit from the market, just like the rest of us.

Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, creators of the Fantastic Four, revolutionized comic superheroes by bringing their typically larger-than-life antics down to earth from time to time. On one page, the FF or Spider-Man might be fighting a galactic threat; on the next, worrying about their dysfunctional lives. I wonder how much Reed might have fetched for the Pogo Plane, the Fantasticar or the Ultimate Nullifier if he'd had access to ebay...

More Four-Colour Follies

One of the things that has always amazed me about superheroes is their ability to yell lengthy expository dialogue in record time. Batman, seen here, can think quickly enough to recognize his predicament and finish talking about it before his head hits the murky brine - and he's not even supposed to have any super-powers. Pretty astounding, when you think of it.

Mr. Fantastic has always been good at this. He's a scientist, and often explains the nature of whatever's knocking him around even as it's happening. It's not unusual to hear him say something like,

"Doctor Doom's energy suit - BOOBY TRAPPED! It's radiating a concentrated burst of gamma rays, rendering me unconscious! I'm - I'm passing out! Unnnnhhh!"

Etc.

How I love comic books.