Basebrownbeating

My tin cup runneth over
The brown baseball
Saving the base runner
From a cleat gouging
At the hands (feet) of a first baseman
With an irrational grudge
No rhyme, no reason, no meter, no bathos
Or is there? 
 

Gong Soldier, or: I Heard the Gongman Call My Name

Having consistently failed to apply Cauciasian skin tones with any sense of artistry, I've turned my hand to other varieties. This gong-ringer turned out darker than I had hoped, so perhaps he's South Asian rather than East Asian. 
 

Bang This Gong

I appreciate gongs, and now I have one at 28mm scale. I created a little garden setting for it after painting it with metallics. 
 

Second Comes Right after First

Somehow I wound up with an extra moon buggy pilot, but I have nothing for him to drive. He's decided to visit The Village for  a spell. 

I tried to add a moon dust grime effect here, and it seems to have worked reasonably well. 
 

No One Expects a 28mm Inquisitor

Here's another miniature I painted using the same mix of techniques as yesterday's knight. In this case, I think it's fair to say the skin textures turned out better, perhaps simply thanks to practice. 
 

Sir Someone of Somewhere

Here's the first of two models I painted using a somewhat haphazard approach, attempting to put into practice several techniques suggested by Jeff, Sean, and others. I'm pretty happy with everything save the face, which looks a bit gloopy to me even now despite thinning the paint to near invisibility (or at least so it seemed on the brush). 

I didn't even realize the figure had a lion on its chest until I shot a photograph and zoomed in. I knew I was taking a chance, but I was compelled to apply my drybrush. Lo and behold, it worked. 
 

Abandoned Trailer

I found a cheap 3D-printed trailer a while ago and finally painted it today. I used my new metallic paints for the trailer body and stripe, followed tips from Jeff and Sean for the white parts, then drybrushed light brown grime over the whole thing. It'll make decent scatter terrain for Fallout: Wasteland Warfare. 
 

Big Ruby

Here's another artifact that was included in the set I purchased from Crooked Dice. I'm not sure what this one is supposed to represent. Maybe the Hope Diamond? I couldn't think of a way to create something that looked like a clear crystal, so I went with red in the hopes it might look something like a ruby. No such luck, really. I think maybe I should have tried to drybrush the jewel's edges to show the facets. 
 

Hi-Yo Silver

I painted a horsie. White continues to baffle. 
 

Bug Battlin' Boucher

Had I unlimited disposable income, I would spend at least some of it to hire a triple-A video game studio to create Bug Battlin' Boucher, in which players take on the identity of Sylvia as she fights increasingly disgusting waves of insects, bugs, arachnids, and other creepy-crawlies. 

Armed only with her little feet to squash, her bug zapper to electrocute, and her swatter to swat, Sylvia must kill as many bugs as possible to restore order, cleanliness, and good feng shui to her beloved home. 

When bugs begin to appear, Sylvia's Sanity bar will start to drop. The more bugs, the more harried she becomes, with her carefully sampled shrieks, screams, and cries of "EARL, HELP ME! HURRY!!" echoing through your PC speakers. If the player, as Sylvia, can't kill the bugs quickly enough, Sylvia will fall into a sobbing puddle, speaking in tongues and kicking her feet until she eventually passes out. GAME OVER! 

But YOU can help Sylvia avoid this fate! The house will occasionally spawn a precious puppy, piglet, or bunny, and if Sylvia can catch and cuddle one of them, she'll regain sanity and bonus points as the creepy-crawlies retreat to botherate another day. Occasionally, Earl may saunter into view, using his own bug zapper to kill a few bugs then wrapping them in tissue and carrying them away to the toilet to flush. 

Every five waves successfully fended off leads to an interstitial mini-game that allows the player, as Sylvia, to spend any points earned during the bug slaughter to upgrade the house with new furniture and art or to spend on repairs, lifting her spirits soaring higher. Hosting social occasions boosts her sanity still further, but beware! Social occasions are special events that bring huge benefits, but also huge risks--bugs may spawn mid-party, and Sylvia must once more leap into action, mortified by their appearance as her guests panic! 

There's no stopping the real-life Sylvia's determination to have a beautiful, bug-free home. Can YOU do as well as a virtual Sylvia? 

Mythic Treasures

Today I painted some very tiny representations of the Ark of the Covenant, A Cthulhu idol, the Holy Grail, and the Maltese Falcon. These efforts represent a combination of basecoating, dry brushing, and ink washing. 
 

The Dirty Denim Half Dozen

Blue jeans
I just painted six small blue jeans
Blue jeans
They come in three shades of blue and they're all right
Oh, blue jeans
I painted miniature blue jeans

I got a dry brush out
I kept my hands steady

Sometimes I squint when
(Oh, when I just can't see)
Painting these blue jeans
(Oh, I'll paint the shirts blue too)
Blue jeans frustrate me
(Oh, they can frustrate me)
Somebody save me
(Oh, somebody save me)

One day
I'm gonna paint a figure that's just splendid
One day
Everyone will love how it's rendered
Remember everybody has to practice hard
Oh, look out Earl, you know you've got time

 

A Place for the New Number Two

Ever since first watching The Prisoner, I've wanted a globe chair. Now I finally have one, along with a couple of Tulip chairs, albeit in 28mm scale. This is a Prisoner-themed mini-diorama for use with the 7TV skirmish game system, and I've done my best to paint the chairs, floor, and telephones to match the TV series. (The desk came as a pre-painted MDF.)

A real globe chair, alas, typically costs north of $2,000, though I saw one for sale online last night for a mere $1,700, limited time only . . . but no. 
 

Beefhead Bystander

Here is the last of my Star Schlock miniatures, which means I have finished painting the set! I must say, overall I'm pretty pleased with this one, aside from just now noticing that I should have attempted to drybrush the boot buckles. I may fix that later. 
 

Cantina Celebrant

Imagine this fellow with green skin and an orange outfit, and you'll likely see why the people behind Star Schlock call him the "cantina celebrant." Same technique as previous. 
 

Captain Notagorn

Here's another Star Schlock miniature, although to me it looks more like...well, you know, I'm sure. 

I used the same techniques here as yesterday, but with some drybrushing to create some highlights on the good captain's skin. 
 

Subtle Star Raider

Here's one of the Star Raiders from the initial Star Schlock skirmish game Kickstarter. For this model, I tried Jeff's "fat over lean" technique for the first time. The Star Raider was already primed with Leadbelcher, so I couldn't change that, but I did begin with a Nuln Oil ink wash. After that, I drybrushed very, very light coats of acrylic silver paint over the knee pads and parts of the rifle. Next, I used the same drybrush technique to coat parts of the armour in a pale metallic blue. Finally, I used brown contrast paint for the bandolier. As a result there's no lumpy paint, but on the other hand, there are no bold colours. Perhaps that's fine for this model? 
 

Bernadette with a Blade

There's a fellow in Spain who creates very nice miniatures, but who for some bizarre reason takes as his inspiration characters from The Big Bang Theory. I believe this one is based on Dr. Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz, portrayed on the show by Melissa Rauch. 

I started painting this figure before Jeff left his notes about painting fat over lean, so once again the results here look pretty clumpy. Jeff also notes that I should really use a pallet; I used to, but I've gotten lazy and I'm often painting out of the pots. So, time to return to that good habit. 

Still, I can scarce believe I managed to paint Bernadette's glasses, and the drybrushing of her dress, while imperfect, is better than I'd hoped for. 
 

Vintage TV Magnifying Lens

Earlier tonight I watched the boxing noir The Square Jungle (Jerry Hopper, 1955). Early in the film, as we're introduced to protagonist Eddie Quade (Tony Curtis) and his ne'er-do-well father, Pat (Jim Backus), we see a small television in the scene's background. The camera doesn't call any attention whatsoever to the television, but I couldn't help but notice the large magnifying lens mounted in front of the screen, presumably as a cheap means of creating a bigger picture. That's just speculation on my part; this is the first I've ever heard of such a device. 

A quick search reveals that such devices were indeed a thing during the early television era; here's an example. Fascinating! 
 

Star Schlock Space Cadet

I really did my level best to thin the white paint that makes up most of this space cadet's uniform, but it still looks lumpy in extreme closeup. Ay, me! 

Still, I got ambitious and decided to dry painting in eyes, eyebrows, lips, and a shoulder patch. I used my tiniest brush, barely any paint, and my telescopic lenses for the attempt. My hands shook a little, even stabilized, so it took several attempts to get the result you see here, which I characterize as "not bad for Earl." 
 

Podophobia Portrait

I had originally thought to post my Astroguard platoon today, but they need some touching up. In lieu, here is a photo I shot to annoy Sylvia, who hates horror movies and feet. 
 

Astroguards

Tonight I spent several hours painting my Star Schlock astroguards, miniatures inspired by the pulpy SF movies and TV shows of the 1970s and 80s. The set came with one professionally painted astroguard, seen here at left; I painted the one on the right, doing my level best to duplicate the professional's efforts. And while my results aren't as good as those of the pro, I'm still pretty happy with myself for taking the time to try to get it right. My guy doesn't look bad in the photo, and on the table he looks even better. 

It was interesting trying to guess the professional's approach. For my part, I primed all the astroguards with Leadbelcher, a silvery metallic paint. Then, I pained the white parts, the black parts, the red parts, the blue parts, and then the brown holsters and harnesses. After that, I used a blue ink wash for the blue parts, a red ink wash for the red parts, and Nuln Oil to ink wash the rest. Oh, I guess I did the skin in there somewhere too; near the beginning, I think. 

Tomorrow night I'll create a little setpiece with the entire platoon and share that. 
 

Whorl Without End

Beyond the source wall at the terminator between the inner mind and the outer limits 
Awaits a twilight zone reflected in a black mirror, a night gallery of amazing stories
It's a short trek--
We'll see you on the other side

 

Liminal Gaze

If the hallway would simply pitch 90 perfect degrees forward
I could spread my arms and fly through the infinite
Forever falling, forever free, forever forgiven
But I cannot oblige these liminal spaces
These haunted places with invisible faces
Who lure me inside to hope
And to die
And to nope
That's no lie
 

Liminal Impact

Nostalgia drew me here
To this place of dust and rot
Where once echoes laughed
And chimes interjected
The smell of a wheat field after soft rains
Seems out of place here, where nothing living remains
Just mirages in a mirror
Left behind to reflect 
On the nothings and nowheres