Thursday, May 04, 2006

Wisteria Hysteria

In an email sent some months ago to a few of my friends, I described the lunacy of "The Negative-Crisis on Earths One-Two!" from JLA #56, September, 1967. Now, thanks to the wonders of the blogosphere, here's an updated missive, with illustrations!

A "Negative Crisis" has infected several superheroes - some from Earth-1, some from Earth-2 - with "negative radiation," causing them to run berzerk. The solution to such an unusual crisis?

Pages of senseless violence, of course.

Here, the Earth-2 Hawkman and the Earth-1 Green Arrow are in a battle with a mind-controlled Earth-1 Flash.


How chu doin', mang?

The mighty Flash, brought down with nothing more than an explosi-arrow (?!) and a few flower petals. And yet, this weakness isn't listed on his DC Heroes RPG character sheet.

Later, Mr. Terrific and Wildcat, both of Earth-2, must battle the possessed Green Lantern of Earth-1. The following exchange occurs just as Green Lantern whaps Wildcat and Mr. Terrific around with some giant tables (!) constructed with his power ring, a super-weapon that creates whatever Green Lantern can imagine out of thin air:

Mr. Terrific's abdominal plate is yellow. Why not use it as a sheild?

Sergio Leone's "A Fistful of Flowers," coming to a theatre near you.

Sour apples indeed

Parents, tired of your kids? Send them to Camp Green Lantern for the summer!

Almost as bad as Batman incapacitating himself by stepping on a pebble, but not quite.

Oh, the humanity. Beating an unconscious man with sticks. Comic books - they're not just for kids!

Livin' in a BOX...livin' in a wooden box...

This is how super-heroes treat their friends - by mercilessly beating them with sticks. Now, imagine how they treat their foes, and you can see why, in the real world, the ACLU would probably disapprove of costumed vigilantes.


Sean Woods said...

I keep coming back to this entry so I can see GL being beaten with sticks.

Good thing those sticks didn't have nails.

Sean Woods said...

Note: The fact that Mr. "Fair Play" Terrific is beating him with a stick makes it even better.

Piotr said...

So, if by "a few months ago" you mean 2002, then yes it was a recent email.

From the perspective of 1967, an admittedly short time.

susan_rn92 said...

Aye-yi yi! This is what we get from a superhero fanatic that has training in horticulture.