Monday, October 31, 2005
How to Carve a Wild Pumpkin
First harvest and wash a fine, round, orange pumpkin.
Then, draw a face or other pattern upon the hapless gourd.
Then, give your crazed girlfriend a sharp knife.
Next, remove the pumpkin's fleshy skull and expose its gooey brains.
Stab the pumpkin in the eye, YAAAAAAAAH!
If thine pumpkin's eye offend thee, PLUCK IT OUT! (If you're a fan of Roger Corman urban legends, then cry, "I CAN STILL SEE!")
If thine pumpkin's other eye and its nose should offend thee, THEN PLUCK THEM OUT TOO!
Do thou the same for thy pumpkin's mocking mouth!
Carve thee thine symbol of Star Trek upon the pumpin's rear, for 'tis the season.
Light thee thine pumpkin alight, and let its fearsome visage carve a path of horror through the night.