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Monday, January 16, 2012

Unicorn Klout

About a month ago I started experimenting with Klout, an online tool that purports to measure your online influence. I signed up because social media is growing in importance to communications professionals, and I figured I'd better experiment. Based on my usage of Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, Instagram, YouTube and this blog, Klout seems to think that I'm influential about five topics, as seen below:
Media, sure, video, okay, politics, makes sense, Alberta, of course, and...unicorns???

To the best of my knowledge, I've never blogged, tweeted, facebooked, Instagrammed or youtubed about unicorns. But I wouldn't want Klout to be perceived as inaccurate, so here are some things I know about unicorns off the top of my head, without googling for extra knowledge:

  • Unicorns have been featured as important symbols in at least two of the films of Ridley Scott: Blade Runner and Legend.
  • The Irish Rovers crafted a hit single in the 1970s that explains why we see no unicorns today (they missed boarding Noah's Ark). 
  • For a while Think Geek sold a pretty cool set of plush action figures featuring a unicorn and some gored humans. 
  • If unicorns existed, they would probably make pretty fearsome cavalry mounts, what with the horn and all. I certainly wouldn't mess with one.
  • Despite their fearsome nature, women and girls seem to adore unicorns, if we believe certain gender stereotypes. 
All right, can I legitimately claim to wield influence on the topic of unicorns now? No? All right, how about a movie proposal...



In the time of the Greek gods, demigods, titans and the mortals caught between them, two noble, fearsome beasts lifted the hearts of men with their magnificence:

UNICORN...mighty horned stallion of the deep woods, symbol of purity, wild and free, no terrestrial beast its match!

PEGASUS...astonishing winged steed of the skies, faster than the wind itself, proud and haughty, far removed from the earthbound woes of mortals!

In a time of great darkness, as the rivers and mountains tremble, the gods will pit these glorious beasts against one another!

SEE the UNICORN gore the skeleton army, smashing it to smithereens!

SEE the PEGASUS swoop down and crush the skull of the cyclops with its powerful hooves!

SEE mortals flee in terror as these unstoppable steeds clash in the streets and skies of Athens!


Pegasus versus unicorn!

All right, let's see if that affects my Klout statistics.


Totty said...

The Rovers' song about the unicorn is a pretty good drinking song too, thaough maybe that's all of theirs.

Stephen Fitzpatrick said...

The problem with unicorn cavalry is that the officers are always perceived as sexy or dashing (like all cavalry officers), so keeping them virginal is problematic. Once deflowered, they are then decommissioned. Riderless cavalry is not nearly as effective, and unicorns will not, under any circumstances, pull a chariot. The few surviving unit insignia and regimental colours invariably draw a high price on the collectibles market, and are often referenced in tattoo art and Ed Hardy t-shirts.