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Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Quick Takes: Hercules in New York

Hercules in New York (Arthur Allan Seidelman, 1970) is a painfully unfunny fish-out-of-water tale, cheaply told, embarrassing in almost all respects. Even poor "Arnold Strong" (that is, Arnold Schwarzenegger) gets dubbed, robbing audiences of the pleasures of the man's outrageous accent.

This gives me an idea. I should write a film called Hercules Inn: New York. Hercules comes down from Mount Olympus to start a charming hotel in Athens. His goal is to reinvigorate the Greek economy through demigodlike hospitality, boosting tourism. The inn is a mild success, and Hercules is disappointed until an American tourist and venture capitalists suggests Hercules open a second inn in New York to promote Greek culture and serve as a "live commercial" for the authentic inn in Athens. The gods, displeased by Hercules' mercantile ways, rain down all kinds of hijinks, and to make matters worse, Hercules runs afoul of the Russian mafia. Can Hercules clean up New York, appease the gods, and save the Greek economy? Find out in Hercules Inn: New York

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