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Sunday, September 03, 2023

Bug Battlin' Boucher

Had I unlimited disposable income, I would spend at least some of it to hire a triple-A video game studio to create Bug Battlin' Boucher, in which players take on the identity of Sylvia as she fights increasingly disgusting waves of insects, bugs, arachnids, and other creepy-crawlies. 

Armed only with her little feet to squash, her bug zapper to electrocute, and her swatter to swat, Sylvia must kill as many bugs as possible to restore order, cleanliness, and good feng shui to her beloved home. 

When bugs begin to appear, Sylvia's Sanity bar will start to drop. The more bugs, the more harried she becomes, with her carefully sampled shrieks, screams, and cries of "EARL, HELP ME! HURRY!!" echoing through your PC speakers. If the player, as Sylvia, can't kill the bugs quickly enough, Sylvia will fall into a sobbing puddle, speaking in tongues and kicking her feet until she eventually passes out. GAME OVER! 

But YOU can help Sylvia avoid this fate! The house will occasionally spawn a precious puppy, piglet, or bunny, and if Sylvia can catch and cuddle one of them, she'll regain sanity and bonus points as the creepy-crawlies retreat to botherate another day. Occasionally, Earl may saunter into view, using his own bug zapper to kill a few bugs then wrapping them in tissue and carrying them away to the toilet to flush. 

Every five waves successfully fended off leads to an interstitial mini-game that allows the player, as Sylvia, to spend any points earned during the bug slaughter to upgrade the house with new furniture and art or to spend on repairs, lifting her spirits soaring higher. Hosting social occasions boosts her sanity still further, but beware! Social occasions are special events that bring huge benefits, but also huge risks--bugs may spawn mid-party, and Sylvia must once more leap into action, mortified by their appearance as her guests panic! 

There's no stopping the real-life Sylvia's determination to have a beautiful, bug-free home. Can YOU do as well as a virtual Sylvia? 

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