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Friday, January 19, 2007

C.H.A.O.S. Agent Profile: Insipid Butterchurn

Alias: Insipid Butterchurn
Affiliation: Minion of CHAOS
Real Name: Insipid Butterchurn
Height: 60 cm
Weight: 6 kg
Hair: none
Eyes: black
Distinguishing features: butterchurn with malevolent expression
Costume: none
Birthplace: Nose Hill, Canada
Birthdate: July 17, 1840
Powers: churns butter, but it always tastes bad
Skills: none
Vulnerabilities: cannot move unassisted
Equipment: none
Secret Origin: ancient prophecy
What Insipid Butterchurn lacks in raw power, he makes up for in sheer malevolence. Originally recruited by Dr. Verlucci (deceased) on a salvage mission to an abandoned Silly Putty mine, Butterchurn's scathing wit and peerless loyalty to the cause of C.H.A.O.S. made the immobile appliance a favoured son among the Minion crowd. No one has yet discovered what a sentient butterchurn was doing in a Silly Putty mine, but a text made of that pliable material was found next to the sputtering future Minion. The codex claimed that the churn's existence fulfilled an arcane prophecy, but the exact words are lost to us because Minion agent Carpet Stainer formed the malleable bible into a ball for his own selfish amusement.

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