Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Earl and Sean vs. the Flying Saucers, Part II
Click here to read part one!
As the sleek sedan containing EARL, SEAN and SYLVIA approaches the X-74 installation, smoke rises from the ruins of the ravaged base. Aliens brandishing weapons can be seen mercilessly gunning down the hapless survivors. Inside the car, our heroes debate their options:
SEAN: The butchers are ray gunning down those men!
SYLVIA guns the engine and the car lurches forward, bearing down on the alien invaders.
EARL: Are you crazy? You're heading right into their line of fire!
SYLVIA: Welcome to Earth, space bastards!
The sedan crashes into a group of surprised aliens, sending them flying like tenpins. But crafty MOONTOR, taking cover behind some rubble, blasts a ray-beam into the car's rear tire, making it spin out of control and roll onto its top!
Inside the sedan, EARL, SEAN and SYLVIA hang upside-down, stunned but alive.
EARL: That was some maneuver, lady. Now we're sitting ducks!
SEAN: Upside-down sitting ducks at that!
SYLVIA: Unfasten your seat belts, boys - it's going to be a bumpy night!
The three heroes unfasten their seat belts and tumble to the roof of the car. They scramble out just in time to stand face-to-face with MOONTOR, VOLUPTUA and the other aliens, ray pistols, ray rifles and ray bazookas steadily trained upon them.
VOLUPTUA: Uh-oh indeed, foolish Earthling! Now you'll pay the price for using your primitive Earth conveyance to kill my valiant soldiers!
MOONTOR: Blast them to atoms, my faithful Moon men!
VOLUPTUA slaps MOONTOR across the face.
VOLUPTUA: Fool! Do not presume to anticipate my orders! Take them into custody and place them in the restraining room!
MOONTOR, face burning, begins to say something, but instead nods to his men, who use glowing handcuffs to ensnare the earth people. EARL, SEAN and SYLVIA are marched up the loading ramp of the nearest flying saucer, the ruins of the base still smoking.
EARL (sotto voce): They can't have found the X-74. Otherwise, they'd just vaporize us. They must think that we can lead them to it.
SEAN (sotto voce): How? It has to be back there in that smouldering wreck somewhere. They'd be better off asking a Venusian bloodhound or whatever beast passes for a good hunting dog on their crazy world.
SYLVIA: He's right. It doesn't make sense.
A moon guard jabs SYLVIA in the back with her rifle.
MOON GUARD: Silence! No talking!
EARL (sotto voce): Shh. I have a feeling that Queen Personality back there might know who I work for. She must figure that since she can't find the X-74, it must be in a different location. Unfortunately, I'm afraid it's simply been destroyed in the wreckage - she just can't bring herself to admit failure.
The heroes are led into the depths of the ship and placed in a spartan cell - seemingly without bars. But then, one of the moon guards flips a switch on the wall and beams of light, much like prison bars, crisscross the front of the cell.
SEAN: Holy space prison!
The moon guards walk away, leaving the Earth people alone.
EARL: As I was saying, it's almost certain that the X-74 went up in smoke with that base and all the people in it.
SEAN: Looks like it's down to plain old fisticuffs and cunning. But first, we've gotta get out of this cell.
SYLVIA: I have an idea about that. Look, they didn't confiscate my purse...or my compact.
EARL: Your makeup looks fine.
SYLVIA shoots EARL a withering look.
SYLVIA: The mirror, dummy. Watch.
Carefully, Sylvia opens her compact and slides it into the path of one of the ghostly force-beams. The mirror reflects the beam and sparks erupt from the walls, the light-gate system shorting out. Our heroes cough, sputter and wave the smoke out of their faces as they leap from the cell.
SEAN: It worked! And now it's time to bust out the NAES.
SEAN puts four large, heavy rings on his left fist, each ring emblazoned with a backwards letter of his name: N-A-E-S. He holds them right up to the camera so that they fill the movie screen.
SYLVIA: What the...?
EARL: Don't ask. But he could be right - as much as I hate violence, this situation seems to call for it.
Suddenly, a gaggle of MOON GUARDS appear from around the corner of the curving corridor.
MOON GUARD: The prisoners! They've escaped! Seize them!
SEAN: Seize THIS!
SEAN punches the lead guard in the forehead with his ringed fist, leaving the word "SEAN" in all caps imprinted on the moon man's bloodied forehead. The moon man collapses, eyelids fluttering closed as he loses consciousness.
SECOND MOON GUARD: He's branded Bluthwap! Use your ray beams!
SYLVIA karate-chops the ray pistol from the second moon guard, while EARL three-stooges the eyes of a third. SEAN belts the remaining guard in the mouth with his NAES fist.
SEAN: Looks like it's lunchtime for you, pal! A knuckle sandwich - with extra ketchup!
EARL points to the hatch of the flying saucer - a hatch that is quickly closing, as if the ship is preparing for liftoff.
EARL: The hatch! It's closing!
SYLVIA: We'll be in for an out-of-this world vacation if we don't get out of here!
They run for the hatch, but it closes just as they reach it, trapping them inside.
A low-pitched hum begins and quickly transforms into a high-pitched whine as the deck starts to vibrate.
SEAN: We're lifting off!
An exterior special effects shot shows the flying saucer rapidly lifting away from the demolished base. Several alien foot soldiers wave goodbye, including VOLUPTUA and MOONTOR.
MOONTOR: Do you think they took the bait?
VOLUPTUA: Of course. By now, they'll have escaped their cell and are probably planning to take over the saucer. A couple of carefully arranged obstacles will convince them that they've seized a highly advanced space weapon for their military. But once they fly it to their capital...
MOONTOR and VOLUPTUA look at each other knowingly.
FADE TO BLACK...
Click here to read part one!