Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Earl vs. the Gorn

There I was, gazing out at the stars through a viewport in a lonely corner of Starbase 22, when suddenly a Gorn soldier appeared out of nowhere! I raised my hands in a defensive posture as the reptilian warrior menaced me with a quarterstaff.

"Are you Earl J. Woods?" the Gorn asked, the universal translator turning its sibilant hisses into AI-accented English.

"Why, yes I am," I said, regaining my composure.

"We of the Gorn Confederacy have heard that you work in politics," hissed the Gorn.

"Well, technically I work for the Alberta taxpayers," I explained. "As an employee of the Official Opposition, I provide non-partisan assistance to Members of the Legisla-"

"Perturb me not with your foolish human niceties," said the Gorn. "We of the Gorn Confederacy have heard that you are also a shameless purveyor of puns."

I hesitated. "Some might say that's true, but I don't see what one has to do with the other."

"Bah! See here - this large wooden pole I'm holding in my hand," said the Gorn.

"Yes, I see," I said, uncomprehending.

"This pole is hollow," the Gorn said. "It's an example of the feeding tubes the Excalbians use to slurp lava for sustenance."

"Okay..." I said.

"With your political background, surely you can see where this is heading!" hissed the Gorn.

I thought for a moment, my eyes rolling toward the ceiling in thought.

"It's a straw pole," said the Gorn, shaking the pole. "Get it?"

I shrugged my shoulders and turned toward my blog audience, breaking the fourth wall into smithereens as I offered an apologetic grin.


Was this post:
a) humorous
b) painful
c) evidence that posting once a day for over a month is taking its toll


Andrew said...

D) all the above

Anonymous said...

ditto , D) all of the above


Susan_rn92 said...

B! Ow, it hurts the brain! Although I liked the picture very much.

Totty said...

Here's one of a higher quality.

Totty said...

Whoops, and here it is now:

legion said...

D, all of the above

but the picture's broken :(

I shall therefore imagine intricately CGI'd scene of you facing off against a might Gorn with various space battles and political goings on in the background

Earl J. Woods said...

You can't see the picture, Legion? That's strange - it shows up for me on both IE and Firefox...anyone else having the same issue?