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Thursday, February 18, 2016

Brittle 10th Innings

I just finished Michael Bishop's 1994 Hugo-nominated novel Brittle Innings, the story of a teenager's experiences as a minor league ballplayer during World War II. Oh, and one of his teammates happens to be Frankenstein's monster.

It's a beautiful book, full of bittersweet pathos, pain and occasional moments of joy. So I hope I'm not inadvertently downplaying its many virtues by wondering what other sports famous monsters might play.

The Creature from the Black Lagoon seems limited to aquatic sports such as water polo, but I imagine he'd be the top player of all time.

The Wolf Man probably wouldn't have much luck in sports, for he's at his fastest and strongest only on a full moon. I don't know much about sports, but I know they're not often played by nightfall, and probably not only on full moons.

Dracula shares this weakness; he can't play in the daytime, lest he burn up. He might be limited to indoor volleyball matches, where his supernatural strength and speed would give him a considerable edge. Wrestling would also be a viable career for Dracula; he could sink his fangs into his opponents and bleed them dry, or turn himself into mist to escape choke holds.

The Invisible Man would have to play naked for his ability to confer any advantage. Hockey is out, for his stick and skates would betray him. Football is also out, for running with the ball would reveal his position, and in any case how would the quarterback know where to throw?

The Phantom of the Opera has no special skills other than murder and being hideous; perhaps he could be an MMA fighter? 

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