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Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Knight Watch

One could argue that this is the golden age of television, that we are living through an era of high-quality dramas and comedies unmatched in the medium's young history. Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Damages, the revamped Battlestar's an embarrassment of riches out in what was once called a vast wasteland.

But what have we sacrificed to reach this pinnacle of programming? Simple: 80s and 90s cheese, and only one man can save us:

David Hasselhoff. 

Hasselhoff ruled the airwaves for years in decades past with two signature hits: Knight Rider and Baywatch. Imagine if Hasselhoff could be persuaded to reprise the roles of not just one, but two of his most iconic characters: crusading agent of F.L.A.G. Michael Knight and heroic lifeguard Mitch Buchannon. Together with a rebuilt KITT, the now-amphibious artificially intelligent supercar, they form the...


Picture if you will the pilot episode, in which Michael Knight, grizzled and cynical, tries to retire quietly to the golden beaches of southern California - only to meet his double. And imagine Mitch Buchannon's mirrored alarm. Neither man has a twin - as far as they know.

But remember, Michael Knight wears another man's face, as described in the original pilot of Knight Rider. Michael Knight was once police detective Michael Long, until he was shot in the face, only to be rescued by an eccentric billionaire and given a new face and identity through plastic surgery. He became Michael Knight, "...a man who does not exist." It turns out that eccentric billionaire modelled Michael Long's new features after his long lost son, Garth Knight...who shows up in the distance, watching Mitch and Michael...waiting.

KITT, of course, joins the Baywatch rescue team, using his turbo boost to leap from the beach into the waves whenever someone gets into trouble. Together, once they've resolved the mystery of Garth Knight and their identical faces, they fight crime and solve problems twenty-six episodes a year as the KNIGHT WATCH!


Colin said...

And this is why, thankfully, Earl will never program TV shows.

Earl J. Woods said...

Ohhhh! I thought maybe you'd watch...:(

Colin said...

Earl, I love you like a brother, but your taste in entertainment is so wildly-variable that I sometimes wonder if you've got a whole passel of personalities wandering around in there somewhere.