Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Choose Your Pain

Freedom was just moments away. Sean careened down the final passage, boots slamming against concrete as sirens wailed and the emergency lights painted the steel walls red. He rounded the last corner and -

 - stopped in his tracks as a barricade slammed shut in front of him, cutting off his escape.

Sean cursed, his internal rage meter pegged at maximum, metaphorical steam ready to boil from his flushed ears. An instant later, a rectangle flipped open at the centre of the barricade, and atop it rested several snacks:

  • A large barrel of pork rinds
  • A 1 kg bag of "Goodies" brand liquorice allsorts
  • A 24-count box of full-size Big Turk candy bars
  • A 12-count box of Cherry Blossom chocolate cherry candies
  • A 24-count box of Bounty candy bars
  • A 48-count box of Nose Candy
  • A 36-count box of black liquorice cigars
  • A 500 g bag of generic Halloween molasses taffy
  • A 500 g bag of Halloween candy corn
  • 5 generous servings of rice pudding with raisins
A disembodied voice boomed from above: 

"NAES! You have foiled my plans yet again, but this time I shall take my revenge. I can't stop you from escaping...but I can make your escape miserable. This barricade will open when, and only when, you have consumed the full amount any three of the snack items before you." 

"You monster!" Sean scowled, his stomach turning already. But he knew he had no choice. He fumed and deliberated, until at last his hands reached out...

*   *   * 

WHICH combination of vile snacks will Sean choose? Leave your answers in the comments! 

2 comments:

Sean Woods said...

What fresh hell is this?!

Jeff Shyluk said...

Can we use the items as ingredients, or does Sean have to eat them "raw"/as-is?

Sean must fabricate a hot roux out of the rice pudding with raisins and the cherry blossom candies. Then he must consume the gravy sauce using frozen licorice cigars as his utensil, like a Fun Dip candy.

"Would you mind if I put my Lik-A-Stix in your cherry?" he must be heard to comment.