Sunday, August 12, 2012

Act Three, Scene Two: The Dinner Party

(fragment of a future screenplay by Earl J. Woods, posted accidentally to his past and our present)

and that's why Karapleedees took the -

KLAUT: I'm going to give you a knuckle sandwich - with extra ketchup!

True to his word, KLAUT punches OBSEEQ in the mouth, bloodying his teeth. A brawl immediately breaks out in the dining hall. Guests throw punches, kicks and food.

MANDRE is the only diner who attempts to stay out of the fray, completely focussed on devouring his turkey stuffing. But SHEEZ grabs MANDRE by the hair, lifts him painfully to his feet, and punches him in the stomach.

SHEEZ: I'll beat the stuffing out of you!

SHEEZ does so - literally. MANDRE is unable to hold the contents of his stomach in place, regurgitating the stuffing.

SHEEZ: So! Not such a stuffed shirt anymore, eh Mandre? Ha ha ha!

MANDRE slumps into unconsciousness. KLAUT appears and takes a defensive position back-to-back with SHEEZ.

KLAUT: This only happens because we're too lazy to cook at home!

At that moment, KITCHEN ROBOT DISHWASHER CHEF bursts into the dining room, firing cutlery from its torso-mounted washer. Several guests are shot with forks, plates, teacups, butter knives, spoons etc.

SHEEZ: Time to get the fork out of here!

KLAUT: Sorry to dine and dash!

SHEEZ and KLAUT dive through the dining room window and into the street as the restaurant explodes behind them. SHEEZ and KLAUT surf the shock wave in glorious slow motion, propelled into the back of a passing garbage truck. FADE TO BLACK as they ride to safety.


YURO SHIFTYGRIPPO is plunking quarters int


"Jeffs Of Gray" said...

If I forget, sometime in the future please remind me to run tuxedoed up and down the theatre aisle, arms a-flapping, yelling at the top of my lungs:


Earl J. Woods said...

I'll have to work that into the screenplay.