Thursday, April 10, 2014

My Plan to Win the Stanley Cup

While I'm barely conscious of hockey, my brother and many of my friends are fans so I can't help but absorb some hockey knowledge through cultural osmosis. According to my brother, Edmonton has had a terrible hockey team for years. So a few weeks back I asked him if I would make a better general manager than the person doing the job now.

Sean eventually said no, but he had to take a long pause to consider it.

Were I to become the Oilers' leader, I would enact my simple plan to win all games: I would hire the hugest, fattest goalie ever, a person so gigantic that their entire body would cover the whole net. This way opposing teams could never score.

I have no idea why this idea hasn't been tried by some team in the past, but I'm certain if the Oilers hired me and allowed me free reign I could bring home the championship. 

1 comment:

"Jeffright, Part II" said...

You owe it to yourself to read "The Truth" by W.P. Kinsella. Featured character: Mad Etta, the 400-pound goalie for the Hobbema Wagon-Burners hockey team.

There must be something in Edmonton's water that makes people figure a massively obese goalie wouldn't get killed in the NHL.