Cloudbusted

Personalized junk mail! Nice try, Kia West Edmonton, but no, I'm not trading in my car for the sake of having a newer model. I will drive it until it wears out. 

Cherry ZigZag Gum Ad Rough Sketch

This afternoon, it occurred to me that the gum mentioned in Twin Peaks a quarter-century ago hasn't yet been identified. I thought perhaps the universe of Twin Peaks might contain a very special brand of gum: Cherry ZigZag, the gum that makes kids say, "Wow, Bob, Wow!" The gum itself would be white with dark red cherry zigzags, much like the floor of the Red Room in the Black Lodge.

I quickly sketched a rough draft of what an ad for the gum might look like. Sometime in the next few days, I'll work up a real design in Photoshop. 

Neon Sign Museum

Tonight Sean and I went to my first NHL hockey game, which I'll post about tomorrow. But in the meantime, how cool is Edmonton's neon sign museum? This is the first time I've seen it. I'll have to come back with a better camera and a tripod sometime. 

Ear Shadow

It finally happened.

Yesterday I came up with a plan to make myself rich.

Every day, millions of people around the world apply eye shadow to their eyelids to enhance their beauty.

And yet the ears, save perhaps the addition of jewelry, are neglected.

But the ears, with their many folds and crenelations, seem designed for the application of makeup in a multitude of hues and shades to accentuate those ear-otic passages.

Imagine the delicate fossa painted an elegant mauve, which fades into a darker purple along the scapha, then transitions to a vibrant cobalt blue twisting into the antihelical fold, the antihelix, antitragus and into the ear canal itself. Perhaps the concha could be set apart in amber or emerald green.

Whatever shades best suit your aural fixation, there will be an ear shadow palette to match your look. I'll market it under the trade name Earl Shadow, or perhaps Shadow d'Earl. Of course I'll have to come up with an ad campaign to make people feel insecure about their looks first, but I have decades of Madison Avenue techniques to draw upon for that...

Ares 3 Mission Guide

I have to hand it to the marketing department tasked with promoting The Martian - they're doing a bang-up job of getting me excited about this movie. Of course, I decided to see it the moment I heard Ridley Scott was adapting Andy Weir's wonderful novel, but for more casual moviegoers, there have been in-universe chats with the crew, a fake episode of Neil DeGrasse Tyson's Star Talk, and now a PDF Ares 3 Mission Guide, which you can download here. It's very slick. 

Nice Woodwork, OK Burger

Keep an Ear Out

Photoshop's pen tool is the scariest of all Photoshop tools, so I gritted my teeth and experimented with it to create the curvy tagline worming its way into this eerie ear canal. 

Inaction Figures

INT. SUBURBAN KITCHEN. BOBBY RUNS INTO KITCHEN AND TELLS MOM:

BOBBY: "Mom, I'm bored!"

MOM: "Why don't you and Timmy play with your action figures?"

BOB: "We're sick of action figures!"

INT. PAN ACROSS DISCARDED CONVENTIONAL ACTION FIGURES, TOSSED ASIDE CARELESSLY.

NARRATOR: Tired of action figures that have exciting adventures all day? Tired of soldiers, astronauts, superheroines, cowboys, Amazons, cyborgs, SCUBA divers, tennis pros and Navy SEALS?

Try INACTION FIGURES! New from WoodsWorld!

SPFX: PAN ACROSS INACTION FIGURE LINE

NARRATOR: Inaction Figures are the ultimate in toy realism, because they could be YOU! There's the garbage man, with trash can. The accountant, with pocket calculator. The politician, with briefcase stuffed with bribe money. The office worker. The stay-at-home dad. The travelling salesman. The out-of-work actor/waiter. The sherpa. The Bollywood director. The obnoxious audiophile, with real vinyl record player. The ageing hippie. The refugee. The dock worker. The auto mechanic. The poet with inkwell, feather pen and scroll. The teen with pickup truck. The research scientist, with stack of grant applications.

FULLY COMPATIBLE with your child's existing action figure line! Does your child's supervillain need someone to torment? Bring in the Innocent Bystander Inaction Figure! Does your Captain Kirk need to put together an away team? Bring in the exclusive Inaction Figure Redshirt Squad!

SPFX: Swirly lights across INACTION FIGURES logo.

NARRATOR: INACTION FIGURES from WoodsWorld! Don't let these figures go missing in inaction - collect them all - before they continue with their mundane lives! 

Watch This

I'm not sure if I'll ever buy the 21st century version of Dick Tracy's two-way wrist radio, but this commercial is pretty darn cool.

Anti-Portraits

If I ever find myself with more money than I know what to do with, I'm going to hire a photographer for an anti-portrait session.

What, you may ask, is an anti-portrait session? The concept leaped to mind when I spotted a portraiture ad this afternoon in the Save-On parking lot. In the ad, the models looked gorgeous; their hair and makeup was perfect, the lighting and soft focus flattered every feature and hid every deficiency.

My anti-portrait will take the opposite approach. I immediately shared my plan with Sylvia: I'd show up in a stained t-shirt, sweat pants and old sneakers. I won't shower, shave or brush my teeth that morning. Nor will I comb my hair. For her part, Sylvia will wear her rattiest old pajamas, eschew makeup and hairstyling and skip the shower just like me. I'll insist upon the worst possible lighting - the harsher, the better. And whatever lens is least flattering to the human visage and feature? That's the one I'll make the photographer use.

My plan should result in a portrait train wreck not even our parents could love. I will then sell the portrait to the Guggenheim as a commentary on body image/crass commercialism and recoup my investment with interest.

Sylvia thinks my plan is brilliant, but noted she's unwilling to serve as one of the models for this endeavor. Surely one of my readers will take her place for the sake of art and riches?

Emotional Manipulation

Storytellers manipulate audiences; that's their job. Mom or Dad or one of my aunts or uncles shot this photo of me and an unknown dog back in the 1970s. I don't remember the encounter, nor do I recall my emotional state at the time. But with the addition of a couple of captions, I can frame this image as a small tragedy. Do we know what this dog might have been feeling at this moment? Of course not. Did I know I was allergic back then? Sure, but was I really sad I couldn't pet the dog? It's just as likely I was scared of it, or I was distracted and wishing I had a book instead of posing for photos. Or maybe this was shot before I developed my nervousness around dogs, and I really did want to pet the beast.

You and I will never know. The text has its own agenda. 

Thoughts on Man of Steel Trailer #2

I've been fooled by more-sizzle-than-steak director Zack Snyder before, but nonetheless I'm very excited by this new trailer for his upcoming Superman movie, Man of Steel. It looks as though Snyder will at least attempt to capture some of the more important elements of the mythos: why Superman does what he does, what it means to be a good person, the pain of balancing two sides of a dual nature, the enduring love of two sets of parents, the importance of supporting the rule of law when it's the right thing to do.

Judging by the trailer this film will probably overplay the angst-ridden elements of the Superman story while underplaying the joy and wonder so important to the character. If it manages to tell a compelling story I can live with that choice in the hopes that sequels will show a Superman who's grown into the role and a public that's more supportive of a guy who's trying to give them a helping hand. In fact, that sort of development would nicely parallel the evolution of the character in the comics: he started as a rather anarchist rogue, feared by criminals and the public as much as Batman was. Only later did he become the "big blue boy scout" most fans are familiar with today.

There's one pretty awe-inspiring moment in this trailer: when Superman launches himself into space. The short sequence really captures the otherworldly majesty of Superman's ability to fly.

My expectations are still tempered by Snyder's track record, but now my opinion is one of hopeful, guarded optimism.

Cut-Rate Cutout

Many years ago, I shot this photo of my bicycle leaning against Mom and Dad's old Fargo in their garage. There's nothing particularly distinguished about the image; I was probably trying to finish off a roll of film.

Just look what thirty seconds' worth of playing with the Photoshop cutout filter will do: I now have a faux art piece a lazy graphic designer might use to finish an ad for a small business with no budget.

A Shout-Out to Poplar Bay

I've mentioned my friend Neil's new blog before, but I feel his more recent posts deserve another plug. If you want to learn more about advertising, politics or both, Neil's blog is quickly becoming a must-read.

Unlike my Frankenstein-like hodgepodge of a blog, Neil sticks to a consistent theme; he reviews political ads from around the world. It's refreshing to see Neil bring his thoughtful analysis to bear on attack ads and positive messages alike.

His latest entry is my favourite so far. Just when you thought Republican tactics couldn't get any creepier (or funnier), along come the demon sheep..!

As citizens grow more saturated with advertising, it's becoming increasingly important to learn the tricks and tactics the experts use to shape public opinion. I'm glad Neil has started to provide his insights and I look forward to seeing more posts.

Neil Mackie Deconstructs Political Ads

My friend Neil has started a new blog, one that analyzes political ads. His latest post reviews a Newt Gingrich attack ad on Mitt Romney, with abortion as its thorny centrepiece. As a communications professional, Neil offers some pretty interesting and insightful commentary, and I hope he expands the scope of his analysis beyond the USA. The website is called Greetings from Poplar Bay, and I encourage anyone interested in politics or marketing to check it out.

With Eyebrows Arched

The first time Sylvia and I went to Las Vegas, this distinctive McDonald's sign captured my attention - a difficult task on the Strip, with thousands of businesses and services clamouring for every eye and ear. With ironic whimsy, I arched an eyebrow, Spock-like, and shot this photograph. I wish the lower half of the frame weren't so cluttered - I should have moved closer to the arch for a better angle of the sky - but I still love the way the red, blue and yellow - primary colours! - work together. The designers of this McDonald's knew that even their universally known brand faced stiff competition from all the other attractions, and they certainly came up with a way to arrest pedestrians. (But if truth be known, we did not stop for lunch.)

Ad Attack

This kind of political ad - seen a couple of weeks back at the corner of 109th street and Jasper - drives me crazy.

No, it's not the attack on the Tories I object to, nor the acid-laced "humour."

It's the misplaced apostrophes! (Or should I say "apostrophe's?") As used on this billboard, the two instances of the word "MLAs" are clearly meant to be plural, not possessive. The apostrophes shouldn't be there at all! The Edmonton Stickmen have enough money to buy expensive ad space, but apparently they can't afford a proofreader. Just because Microsoft Word  puts a red squiggle under something doesn't mean it's wrong, people.