Bush League

In Villains and Vigilantes, you create characters by assigning a certain number of character points to your primary attributes (strength, endurance, agility, and so on) and by rolling on a series of tables to randomly determine your age, background, species (!), sex, super powers, and weaknesses. Then you're given some flexibility to change the results around a bit to create a hero that fits a certain theme. 

For the next V&V campaign I'll be participating in, I've created Bush League. Fresh out of high school, Preston Spender is a tall, strong, good-hearted kid; he's a natural athlete and enjoys spending time as a volunteer for  local search and rescue services. But then, one day, everything changed...(I don't know how Preston got super-powers; that will be revealed by the game master). 

Preston rolled the following powers and weaknesses: 

Experience levels (gives him an edge in succeeding at certain tasks) 
Heightened endurance
Armor
Willpower: pain resistance (difficult to knock unconscious) 
Physical ability: inertia (can't be knocked backward, so I made him a catcher on his high school team) 
Special weapon: baseball bat
Prejudice (many of his peers think he's a dumb jock)
Poverty 

The combination of my random dice rolls have resulted, I think, in a potentially interesting and capable hero. Maybe he's bush league for now, but he's just getting started; the big leagues might not be far off. 

 

Sisko's Pitch

The Atari World Series

 

A Palpable Hit

Good enough to get to first base! From 2010, when I was playing baseball with the Alberta Liberal Caucus. 

Hand in Glove

Even given the evidence of my ABA card, I can understand if some people find it hard to believe I ever participated in sports. Well, I may not be playing, but here is 11 year old me in my baseball uniform. I think I played somewhere in the outfield, where I could do the least damage. 

ABA Card

I can scarce believe that once upon a time I was involved in organized sports, but here's the proof - a scan of my Alberta Baseball Association membership card. I find the automatic use of the male pronoun interesting; maybe there was a separate card for girls and women?

I was a pretty terrible baseball player. During the two or three years I was involved, I think I may have managed one single, one double, a few walks and I may have scored as many as three runs. I was pretty good at losing with grace, though.

Oddly enough, Scott and Mike were having a discussion about children in sports last night, and at one point I said "But in gym class, they taught us that winning didn't matter, that what was important was that we had fun."

Mike delivered a pretty sick burn: "I think, Earl, your teachers meant to say that you didn't need to worry about winning."

Oof. But I laughed!

Double Header's Double Header

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Legion Subs that day:
The score stood four to none, with but one inning more to play
And then when Bannin died at first, and Wentim did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the patrons of the game

A straggling few beamed right back home in deep despair. The rest
Clung to the hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought "If only Frenk and Dyvud could get a whack at that -
We'd put up even credits now, with Double Header at the bat."

But Jath let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
And Bez, then much despised, tore the cover off the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and men saw what had occured,
There was Lydda safe at second and Chee a-hugging third.

Then from nine thousand throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through Metropolis and rattled in the dell;
It pounded on League Mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
For Header, Double Header, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Dyvud's manner as they stepped into their place;
There was pride in Frenk's blue eyes and a smile lit each pale face.
And when, responding to the cheers, they lightly doffed their hats,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt two champions shared one bat.

Ten million eyes were on them as they rubbed their hands with dirt
Five billion tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt;
Then while the Durlan pitcher ground the ball into his mass,
Defiance flashed in four blue eyes, two arms waiting for the cast.

And now the hard Inertron sphere came hurtling through that space,
But Double Header only watched in snooty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy Substitute the ball unheeded sped -
"That ain't my style," said Dyvud. "Strike one!" the umpire said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a mighty hiss,
Like the beating of great Darkseid on poor Apokolips;
"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted someone on the stand;
And it's likely they'd have killed him had not Frenk raised up his hand.

With a smile of Kolkerite charity great Header's visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the dun steel flew;
But distracted he ignored it, and the umpire called "Strike two!"

"Fraud!" cried the maddened millions, and echo answered, "Fraud!"
But one scornful look from Frenk and Dyvud and the audience was awed.
They saw his faces turn to look each other in the eyes,
For once there was no bickering, for once no cracking wise.

The sneers are gone from their taut lips, their teeth all clenched in hate,
They pound with cruel violence their bat upon the plate;
And now the Durlan holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Header's blow.

Along the cosmoturf the ball drills deep to center field
Jath and Bez both round the plate, shiny boots on Super shield
But Header scores a double, stranded there at second base
And up comes Stone Boy to the bat, and freezes there in place.

Three strikes whiz by the boy of stone as the fans file out the gates;
The third out done, the Legion subs surrender to the fates.
The Double Header did his best, the fans must give their due
But there's no joy at the home plate; the final score, four to two. 

The Woods Boys of Summer

A long time ago I played baseball. I don't remember much about it. Sean played too, though we were never on the same team. And I'm almost certain he was much better than me. 

Catcher in the Sand

I think Lisa Bowers or Tanara McLean shot this photo of my short-lived amateur career as a catcher for the Alberta Liberal caucus ball team back in - gasp - 2010. I was a terrible player, though not as bad as I'd feared. I caught the ball most of the time and even scored a couple of base hits over the summer.

I wonder if I still have those sneakers. 

2P or Not 2P With TV

Tonight Sylvia and I accompanied her father, cousin and a friend to the Cactus Club restaurant attached to West Edmonton Mall. The company and the meal were fine, but when I retired to the bathroom to wash the juices from my very messy lettuce-wrapped Thai chicken from I hands, I was stunned to see how well-appointed it was. A luxurious leather easy chair occupied one corner of the loo, but while unusual that's not what really caught my eye. No, the bulk of my attention was drawn to the television monitors place above each urinal, a baseball game unfolding on each screen.

Have we come so far, I wondered, that even during the few seconds it takes to urinate we need to be entertained by the idiot box? I'm a fan of popular culture and television, but honestly - what a waste of resources. It struck me as decadent in the worst sense of the word.

Strange Sports Stories Starring Sean

The Pitcher Plant

One fine, sunny afternoon in the summer of 1991 Sean Woods came home in search of refreshment and instead drank deep the sour draught of betrayal.

His teenage frame slick with sweat, muscles aching from the exertions of a hard-fought game of sandlot baseball, Sean anticipated with relish the sweet, cold iced tea that awaited him in its simple but comforting old pitcher of green plastic, the one with the ounces marked off in neat embossed type along the side of the container. As the youth hopped up the back stairs, flinging open a screen door whose mosquito netting bore the gashes of his cat's playful assaults, Sean imagined how the cold, wet chill of delicious lemony sugar water would erupt upon his tongue, sending a shivery rush of invigorating flavour through his weary bones.

Metaphorically licking his lips, Sean bounded into the kitchen and flung wide the refrigerator door. The green pitcher sat there like a silent emerald siren, beckoning him, and the lad could do naught but claim his prize. Triumphantly he grasped the pitcher, lifting it high and tilting it backward, the dark liquid within flowing into his waiting mouth.

So parched was the young shortstop that he greedily chugged down his repast, every cell starving for the expected burst of refreshment. But that burst never came. Instead, Sean recoiled in horror, his esophagus rebelling, gagging, spewing up dark brown froth over lips twisted in sudden, shocked disgust.

"MALLGGHHH!" yelled Sean, slamming the pitcher down on the counter, coughing and spitting - for the innocent-looking yet duplicitous pitcher contained not delicious iced tea, but plain water befouled with dish soap! Sean eyed the rank concoction with disbelief. Who would do such a thing - and why?

Enraged, Sean confronted his older brother, who having heard the commotion while reading in the basement rushed upstairs to see what was going on.

"Why would you put a pitcher full of water and dish soap in the fridge?" Sean demanded. "I drank it - I nearly puked!"

But Earl couldn't answer, doubled over with laughter, trying to protest his innocence between guffaws, tears pouring down his pink cheeks.

"I - ha ha - what? D-dish soap? Ha ha - oh dear - I swear I didn't - oh no - hee hee -" And so on.

Fuming, Sean later asked his mother if she had, for some reason, laid the trap, but she seemed entirely puzzled:

"Why would I do that?"

Father, too, professed ignorance. And so, to this day, the Mystery of the Tainted Tea remains among the greatest unsolved enigmas of the Woods family lore.

Today, in his mid-30s, Sean remembers the incident well. When asked how he washed the taste out of his mouth, Sean answers:

"I didn't. It lingers to this day. No one confessed."

The case remains unsolved.

Battered by Baseballs

Even though Sean is doing his best to give me a good push on the swing, I don't seem terribly impressed in this photo. Perhaps it's because of the painful memories associated with the Leaf Rapids Blue Jays shirt I'm wearing. 

In one game, I stepped up to the plate thrice and earned a walk each time. Not because I had a good eye, but because the pitcher nailed me in the genitals with fastball pitches not once, but twice. I took my base doubled over each time, trying not to vomit. Third time up I tried to dodge the final wild pitch by thrusting my hips forward, but the ball wound up smacking me in the left buttock, which at that speed was almost (though not quite) as painful as the groin hits. It was only then that our coach had mercy on me and allowed me to sit out the rest of the game.

To the opposing pitcher's credit, I don't believe he deliberately aimed at my delicate bits; I still remember his tear-streaked features as he watched me stagger to first base. But as much as I appreciated his empathy, I would have appreciated better aim even more.

The Same Old Orange and Blue

"Together! A New Alberta Team." Even back in 1986, when Alberta's ruling PCs had been in power for a mere fifteen years (!), the provincial Tories understood the importance of brand renewal. This was new PC Leader Don Getty's first election as Premier, and the election slogan seen here was part of that renewal strategy.

The 1986 election was held on May 8; the folder containing the negative for this photo is stamped May 1986. Other photos on the same roll of film imply that this was Leduc's Black Gold parade, which is normally held in early June these days, but perhaps back then it occurred earlier. The party livery on the car hints that this is a pre-election shot, and yet Don Sparrow is identified as Minister of Forestry, a title he shouldn't have been using during an election, since cabinet is dissolved during the writ period. Of course it's also possible that this shot was taken after the election, but the orange and gold branding certainly makes it look like a campaign car.

I volunteered for Mr. Sparrow during the 1986 election, back before I realized that my values and those of the PCs didn't really align very well. That being said, I thought Sparrow himself was a pretty good guy (I have vague memories of playing on the youth baseball team his company sponsored), and I was saddened when I heard of the fatal car accident that took his life not long after he lost his seat to Alberta Liberal Terry Kirkland in the 1993 election. Progressive Albertans may be frustrated by the PC ability to constantly rebrand itself as somehow new, but parties are composed of people, and from my limited interaction with Don Sparrow he seemed like a man who simply wanted to serve the public to the best of his ability. Whatever party colours we fly, we all belong to the same civilization, and I'm sure Sparrow had much more to contribute during his post-government career.

A Capital Effort

Regarding the Edmonton Capitals game from a couple of posts ago, I think my colleague John Santos deserves a shout-out for some truly excellent sports photography, especially since he's never been to a baseball game before. He captured two of the most exciting events of the game - a shattered bat that spun across the field, and the near-brawl that erupted between the Scorpions' Tony Philips and the umpire over a disputed call. I don't like conflict, but the crowd's heckling was pretty entertaining. After Philips was ejected, another Scorpion scored a home run, to which one wag responded sarcastically: "This one's for Tony!"

I want to thank Rick Miller again for organizing this. Sylvia and I really had a wonderful time. Oh, and the Capitals won!

Take a gander at John's excellent photos.

Capitals vs. Scorpions

Once in a while it's nice to socialize with your colleagues outside the workplace, so tonight Official Opposition staff members are enjoying a gorgeous evening of baseball, with patio seating right behind home plate. Thanks to Rick Miller for organizing a great outing! We even saw Jose Canseco take his batting practice!

Currently Scorpions lead 3-2.

Call Me Out at the Ball Game - The Playoffs

Liberators 19 - Ticket to Slide 23

Liberators 15 - Meatitarians 9

Much to my regret, the Liberators finished the slo-pitch season without me; I missed our two playoff games thanks to meetings with our realtor and a trip to Vancouver (more on that later). The team split its two playoff games, with a close-fought loss against Ticket to Slide and a twilight victory over the Meatitarians, leaving us somewhere in the middle of the pack in the final standings. I'm particularly sorry I missed the Liberators/Ticket to Slide match, since our party leader Dr. David Swann came out to play. By all accounts he's still quite an athlete, and I wish I'd been there to snap some photos!

Despite my mediocre performance throughout this experiment, I'm very glad that Tanara organized our team and gave me the opportunity to get some much-needed exercise. I had a great time, using muscles long-dormant and recalling the ghost of the child inside.

Call Me Out at the Ball Game - Game 6 Redux & Game 7

Fatz With Batz 21, Liberators 1

Sons of Pitches 22, Liberators 13

Last Monday's rain-soaked double header resulted in double defeat for the Liberators! Team Captain Tanara scored our only run against second-ranked Fatz With Batz, and while our effort against Sons of Pitches bore more fruit - including Carmen's first trip across home plate - we still wound up nine runs behind. As a result, we finish the regular season in eighth place (out of ten). Tonight is our first playoff game, being played even as I type - I'm waiting for our realtor to arrive to get some paperwork done on a new home purchase.

Here are a few highlights from the game:

Tanara and Rick prepare for battle on the ball field.

I knew we were in trouble when I saw the intimidating headgear and professionally printed t-shirts of Fatz With Batz.

Andy makes a daring slide into third base.

Carmen smacked a solid single right through the hole between the shortstop and third base to take first.

Speaking of double headers, it's a shame that the folks at DC comics never thought to have the Legion of Substitute Heroes' Double Header play a baseball game. For those unfamiliar with the character, Double Header was rejected by the Legion of Super-Heroes proper because his super power - having two heads - wasn't deemed useful enough for the team. (The two heads also had a tendency to argue.) But the Substitute Heroes readily accepted him.

I wonder how our team would have fared if Double Header had joined us? Somewhere in a parallel universe, it happened...

Call Me Out at the Ball Game - Game 6

This week's Liberators game was rained out! Instead of a report on a nonexistent game, here are a couple of photos of the Earl of the past preparing for a ball game in Leduc, Alberta, circa April 1981. My brother Sean seems to be wishing me luck. I don't remember if we won the game or not, though.

Call Me Out at the Ball Game - Game 5

Liberators 16, Meatitarians 9

Victory at last! This was the Liberators' second win of the season, and the first I was present for. At first I was a bit disappointed with my performance, striking out once (with bases loaded, no less!) and getting tagged out at first twice during my initial at-bats, but late in the game I earned my first RBI by slamming a weak drive into a convenient hole in coverage. I even crossed the home plate myself shortly thereafter, something I haven't accomplished since junior high school.

Here are a few shots from the game:

Keeping my eye on the ball.

Should I swing at this or not? Wait, whoops...d'oh!

Zounds! I actually managed to hit the ball...time to run!

Earl races the ball the ball to first. The ball won this time.

A dramatic play at first - our runner Jamie is safe!

As usual, Steve had a terrific game.

Lisa slammed the ball with considerable might on more than one occasion...

...as did her fiancee, Matt.

As usual, team captain Tanara motivated the team with encouraging words and peerless performance.

She even brought along her boyfriend AJ to help us out with a home run or two.

At first I wasn't terribly enthusiastic about playing at the tail end of a long weekend, but I'm glad that I showed up. Not only did I get another good workout, for the first time I was able to contribute to a team victory. Hopefully this win gets us out of the standings cellar!

EDITED TO ADD: Having checked the standings, I find that we're not in the cellar at all, but in the middle of the pack. Go Liberators!

I also forgot to mention that during my run from second to third, I collided with the opposing team's third basewoman. I felt terrible, but she was unhurt - and I was safe. Slo-pitch isn't for the faint of heart...