Last Thursday I experienced a moment of something close to despair. I stayed up far too late; I didn't come to bed until midnight, even though I had to get up at six to get ready for work.
When Sylvia asked why I was up, the answer congealed immediately, and I spat it out in surprise:
"I don't want to go to bed because waking up will bring doomsday another step closer."
In the moment, I believed it. Generally I'm pretty good at seeing the abundance of good in the world, but the mounting evidence that we won't act quickly enough to prevent civilization from being destroyed by climate change, the world's democracies sleepwalking into fascism, the unsustainable gap between the rich and poor, mass extinctions, political polarization, and the rejection of science and expertise by so many...well, some nights it feels like the bad's catching up, to put one of my favourite Gowan songs in reverse.
I felt better the next day, and I feel better now, even though nothing has changed. Except I remembered I still believe there's a chance civilization will pull through in the end, and that our better natures will prevail.