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Tuesday, January 30, 2018

The Most Dangerous Earlympic Games

Yesterday, I outlined my vision for an everyman Olympics, one in which everyone has at least a chance of participating, regardless of ability. I am concerned, however, that some sports might be dangerous for the untrained amateur:

Ski Jump: this seems like a recipe for disaster.
Skeleton: could possibly turn people into skeletons.
Bobsleigh: four untrained people caroming down an ice track at hundreds of kilometres an hour.
Luge: one untrained person caroming down an ice track at hundreds of kilometres an hour.
Ice hockey: I imagine there are many opportunities to be bruised and broken by flying pucks and hockey sticks.
Weightlifting: muscle strain, broken spines?
Judo, Karate, Kung Fu, etc.: sprained muscles, broken bones?
Gymnastics: falls, muscle strains
Fencing: pokey thing in the eye?
Archery: accidental arrowing?
Javelin: muscle strain, bad aim, crowd injuries?
Shot put: muscle strain, wayward shots hitting officials?
Equestrian: falls
Football, Rugby: broken ankles, broken teeth
Cycling: crashes
Skiing: crashes
Water polo: drowning
Diving: drowning
Marathon: exhaustion

I'm starting to think this might not be a good idea. Golf, curling, darts, crokinole and baseball should be safe enough, though...

1 comment:

Jeff Shyluk said...

I've seen your family play crokinole. Earlympic crokinole players should carry full eye-conk insurance and have a person who can drive them home from the event on account of loss of vision/substantiation of crokinole puck in where the eyeball should normally be.