Chicken Surprise

We ordered a chicken and wing meal last night. Tonight I opened up the box again, anticipating leftovers...and discovered that one of the chicken wings had a bonus: a breaded, lemon-spiced chicken foot attached and ready to eat.

Suddenly vegetarianism doesn't look so bad.

Ridley Scott's Board Runner

Ridley Scott will direct a feature film adaptation of Monopoly, the board game.

I suppose there's a chance that the famed director of Blade Runner and Alien could pull this off, but frankly, it sounds idiotic.

I envision a Cannonball Run-style chase movie, with the lead characters (dog, iron, thimble, top hat, Mountie, etc.) in pursuit of Mr. Moneybags.

I suppose Johnny Depp will relish the challenge of playing the thimble, or perhaps the top hat. Is Benji still alive? He/she can play the dog. Jeremy Irons would play the iron, of course. Benton Fraser would play the Mountie, who would at some point quip, "Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200." Delivered with wry irony and a wink.

Characters will bankrupt themselves in an attempt to buy up all the property in the city, searching for Mr. Moneybags' buried treasure, which will, of course, wind up buried under Boardwalk. Or perhaps Baltic Ave. for irony.

In the end, the characters will realize that they're all playing pieces in some twisted game of fate, and will eschew their capitalistic fever.

Admiral Adama will cameo at the end with a cryptic, "It's a shame she won't pass go and collect $200. But then again...who does?"

Tagline: On Park Place, no one can hear you scream.

Kevin Taft's Farewell Tribute

I'm a little late posting this, but several weeks ago I had the honour of assembling a tribute video for Kevin Taft, outgoing Leader of the Official Opposition, and his wife, Jeanette Boman. You can see the video here. It's at the centre bottom of the front page.

Emotional Fallout

Preppie 2 was the first computer game to evoke an emotional response from me. I played it at my cousin Darwin's place, on his Atari 800. The game was a variation of Pac-Man, only instead of eating dots in a maze and avoiding ghosts, you painted the floors of a sorority house and avoided giant frogs.

The game's music, graphics and sense of humour gave it a whimsical, innocent charm that I adored. At the time I thought to myself, "This is what's wonderful about human culture."

That was more than twenty years ago. Today, I'm about halfway through Fallout 3, the much-ballyhooed post-nuclear roleplaying game, the third, as you may have guessed, in a series.

Fallout 3 is a bleak game, played out on the ruined, atomic-scarred landscape of an apocalyptic Washington DC. Ruined junk and debris are scattered across the landscape, and feral dogs and mutated insects hunger for your flesh. People are uniformly impoverished; bottlecaps serve as cash, and old vacuum cleaners, tools and even tin cans are valuable. Everyone is armed, frightened, and pessimistic.

And yet there's a melancholy beauty to be had in this game. The 50s aesthetic, however rusted-out and radiation-soaked, has an irresistable appeal. Rocketship-themed gas stations and Nuka-Cola vending machines dot the landscape. Faded propaganda posters brighten up crumbling walls. Old computer records, books and notes paint a picture of a happier time. Surviving radio broadcasts play popular hits of the 40s and 50s - particularly "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire," by the Inkspots, an ironic counterpoint to this world's fate.

It's a violent game. In my search for my father, I've had to kill over 60 people so far, and hundreds of mutated monsters (the game keeps track). And even though my victims are pixels, not people, I feel deeply saddened. For in a world like this, every life is precious.

More than anything else, Fallout 3 reminds me exactly how much we have to lose. The Washington of our world is home to incredible architecture, priceless archives, great works of art - and of course, millions of human beings. Now multiply that by all the thousands of cities across the globe, each with equal value.

I grew up living with the fear that a nuclear holocaust would destroy all that. In the 1990s, that fear faded away. We seem to be facing a more gradual catastrophe these days.

But Fallout 3 reminds me that all manner of self-inflicted horrors could yet be unleashed on humanity. I hope we're wise enough to play out our violent impulses in the virtual world, rather than the real one. The world of Fallout is a fun place to visit - and every second I play, it shows me how lucky I am to live in a world still brimming with life.

Super Troopers

Michael Spears came to work as a stormtrooper this morning, and I came in my Superman t-shirt. Put them together and you have...Super Trooper.



Sylvia's costume was far cooler.

Full Fathom Forty

Sylvia turned 40 today!


Welcome to her mid-life crisis. Actually, I love blue hair. I can pretend she's an exotic Star Trek alien!

With a Twinkle in My I

Earl's last experience on the stage, circa December 1984.

Kevin had an extra ticket to see Ronnie Burkett's Billy Twinkle, Requiem for a Golden Boy and graciously invited me along. It's been too long since I headed out to the Citadel to see a play, and I'm very glad I did.

Believe it or not, I remember Ronnie Burkett from Harriet's Magic Hats, an educational show that used to play on Access Network in the 80s. He's come a long way since then. Twinkle is a funny, sad, pathetic, brilliant, subversive, multilayered one-man/many-marionettes show that isn't afraid to make its audience uncomfortable in the pursuit of emotional truth. Well worth seeing.

I'm very glad Kevin invited me, because it's been way too long since I set work and home life aside to take just a small slice of time to appreciate art. Driving home at night on a warm fall evening with the window rolled down, I reflected on my old adolescent dreams of becoming an actor, shot down at that one audition at CBC, where it was decided I'd make a far better host than dramatic player.

And so it goes. Since tonight's show drew heavily on Shakespeare, I feel no irony whatsoever in recalling that life's but a stage, and we are merely poor players...

Looking Back, Moving Forward

Tonight, hundreds of Alberta Liberal Leader Kevin Taft's friends and supporters gathered to say thanks to him and Jeanette for their years of tireless work for democracy. A terrific program of skits, improv, storytelling and video honoured the couple and everything they did to fight for a better Alberta.

Whether or not you agree with the policies and perspective of the Alberta Liberals, I can personally testify that Kevin and Jeanette fought the good fight; they got involved for the right reasons.

A few months back, Kevin announced that he would step down as leader. Now three other men are vying for the job: Mo Elsalhy, David Swann and Dave Taylor. As a staff member of the Official Opposition, I'm not really supposed to take sides, but I will say that having worked with all three men for nearly three years, I know that they, too, are running for the right reasons.

Since this race is a bid for the leadership of the party, only Alberta Liberal party members can vote. I encourage anyone who's interested in grassroots politics to visit http://www.albertaliberal.com/ and purchase a membership; it's only ten bucks, a bargain for a chance to influence the course of Alberta politics.

For that matter, I encourage anyone to take out a membership in the party of their choice. Party members have a huge influence on who runs for office, and therefore who runs the province or the nation. If you're disenchanted or cynical about politics, getting involved is the only cure.

Below the silly picture, you'll find links to the campaign websites of all three leadership candidates.


http://www.elsalhy.com/
http://www.electdavidswann.com/
http://www.tayloralberta.ca/

The Great Vote Swap

A couple of days ago, my friend Andrea directed my attention to Anti-Harper Vote Swap Canada. It's a Facebook group that allows Canadians living in different federal ridings to trade votes, in an effort to prevent Conservative candidates from benefiting from vote-splitting.

In other words, hey, Liberal supporter in Toronto - the NDP has the best chance of keeping that seat out of the hands of the Tories. I'm an NDP supporter in BC, but in my riding the Liberal has the best chance of defeating the Tory candidate. Tell you what - I'll hold my nose and vote Liberal in my riding, if you'll hold your nose and vote NDP in your riding. We may not be happy with the MPs we get in our particular ridings, but hey, we'll be helping ensure that Harper doesn't get a majority.

If this kind of thing catches on, it could really subvert the first-past-the-post electoral system we have now - the one that enables parties with less than half the popular vote to form huge majority governments. Since we're not getting proportional representation anytime soon, it seems to me that this just might put some real power in the hands of the people and help stem the rising tide of voter apathy.

Unfortunately, I do not live in either of the two Alberta ridings in which this system could make any difference. But if you live in Edmonton Centre or Edmonton Strathcona, where the Tories have historically earned fewer votes than the left-of-centre parties combined...well, you might want to check it out.

Who Listens to the Listeners?

Whether you're ordering a pizza, fending off a telemarketer, or talking to your bank, odds are you've heard some variation of the following:

"This call may be recorded for training purposes or customer service."

My bank called last week - twice in one day, actually. I told the first caller that I wasn't interested in any product offered over the phone, and asked him to mail me the details. A different representative called a few hours later about the very same product, so I was already annoyed when she said the call was being recorded.

"I'm sorry, but I have a bit of a problem with that," I said. "Aside from concerns about my own privacy, I don't want to live in a world where my fellow citizens are monitored every minute of their working day. I don't think you should have to put up with that."

"Fine, sir, thank you very much," she said, and hung up.

I suppose I sounded like a bit of a crackpot, but my words were sincere. I can easily imagine corporate motives for recording calls; they want to have records in case of some kind of dispute, they want to have a record of employee misbehaviour, perhaps they really do use the recordings for training purposes.

As far as I know, the only reason companies even inform you that they're recording the call is because the law requires it. And so they dutifully follow the law, but if you indicate that you don't want to be recorded - poof! - the call's over.

So the citizen is trapped. You can order your pizza, and accept the invasion of your privacy, and accept the dehumanization of the employee whose every moment at work is being monitored. Or you can refuse on ethical and humanitarian grounds and go hungry, because apparently there's no option to use the service without being recorded.

Wonderful.

Monitoring workers in call centres is just the tip of the iceberg. Many jobs require drug testing, even when your use or non-use of drugs has no impact on your ability to do the work. Others require invasive personality profiling. Other workplaces use monitoring software to log every keystroke and mouse movement. Forget about checking your bank balance on your coffee break, or taking a few minutes to compose a personal email. Forget the very human, very natural impulse to goof off from time to time.

We are building a world of diminishing trust.

The next time you're told that your call is being recorded, try asking this question:

"Will you still serve me if I refuse to be recorded?"

I'd like to know what they tell you.

Anybody listening?

The High Cost of Victory

I'll bet Ed Stelmach didn't have to pick up his own signs

Spending numbers for the recent Alberta election have been released, and I had to laugh when I saw the results for Fort Saskatchewan-Vegreville: I was outspent by a factor of over 23 to 1. My campaign cost $5,500; Premier Stelmach spent $129,500 to defend his incumbency.

I honestly had to laugh when I saw this. Over $129,000 for a safe seat? I had no idea that the Premier felt so threatened.

An Occurence at Earl Creek Bridge

Picture if you will a portrait of a woman in shock...faced with a vision too terrible for the human mind to comprehend.



A few feet of rope, a struggling victim, a crime captured only by moonlight, perpetrated by a cross-eyed madman.



Now that victim's caretaker must confront that madman's insanity, at a place called Earl Creek Bridge - a destination nestled somewhere between the Outer Limits - and the Twilight Zone.

Andi Arrives

My old friend Andrea MacLeod was in town last week to visit friends and relatives. It's always great to see Andi - I can hardly believe we met back in 1990, almost 20 years ago. Andrea's sharp wit and brash nature always kept those of us in the U of A Star Trek Club entertained. (Andrea was a Scuba Club member; we managed to partially assimilate her.) My favourite Andrea line is probably "Was Grant up here to talk about himself some more?"



Shortly after we met, Andrea moved to Germany for what was supposed to be an adventure of just a few months; she wound up staying for years, only recently moving to the UK after marrying her (scandalously younger) beau Greg. They're parents now, enjoying what seems to be an idyllic life in the English countryside.

Have a safe trip back, Andi, and thanks for brightening up our day!

Clark's Secret

This series of panels has lived in my memory for decades. It's the denouement of a story from an early 1970s issue of Action Comics.

I'm not sure what it is that grabs me. Part of it must be the pacing; slow, deliberate, highlighting Clark's seeming dejection. Then the reveal - Clark and the reader understand the irony of Lois' pronouncement; it's a secret that he's sharing with us.

And perhaps it's a message of solace to the typical reader - young boys and teenagers. Maybe it doesn't matter if the girl of your dreams doesn't respond to you; you, after all, know what she's really missing. That's powerful comfort for an awkward age.

To Ear is Superhuman

In this issue of Action Comics, a gang of common thugs band together in an effort to kill Superman. One invents a gun that emits high frequency soundwaves designed to take advantage of Superman's super-hearing. The agonizing shriek, while inaudible to ordinary humans, drives Superman into outer space, where sound cannot travel.

(Whenever Superman needed to communicate in space, he always used his super-ventriloquism. Yes, it's a real super-power, and no, I have no idea how the ability to super-throw-your-voice would allow you to speak in a vacuum.)

The crooks are delighted - the soundwave gun may not have killed Superman, but driving him into permanent exile is the next best thing.

But Superman always has a plan: he just finds the nearest white dwarf star and scoops up some neutronium to make a set of homemade earplugs.



Hmm. You know, this almost seems plausible, given comic-book logic and physics. But imagine trying to duplicate a feat of equal difficulty on a human scale. Let's say you can, with some effort, lug a cinder block in each hand. Now imagine carrying that kind of weight around in your ears. Possible, maybe, with the right leverage - but might it not throw off your balance and posture? And yet Superman seems to have no trouble carrying around two million tons of weight in his ears.

I guess that's why he's Superman, and I'm not.

Love and the Gulf of Light-Years

For most of the history of the art form, comic books were written for kids, and often featured black-and-white moral conundrums, with equally simplistic solutions. In this issue of Action Comics from the early 1970s, Superman was faced with two Kryptonian survivors, an evil husband-and-wife team. In the final panel of the story, seen above, Superman offhandedly comments that he's imprisoned each criminal in a separate galaxy.

Wow. Not only is that unusually harsh, but think of the implications - Superman can fly from one galaxy to another to another, and then back again, all within a day or so, given that trillions of years haven't passed by Superman's next appearance in "The Super-Cigars of Perry White."

Beyond the silliness of the science, I find the concept of such a cruel punishment oddly compelling. Imagine being separated from your lifemate forever, galaxies apart! Who in the universe has ever known such distance from their partner? What kind of monster is Superman to exact such a punishment?

Told from the perspective of the villains, and in a different setting, this might make a pretty compelling short story.

Super HR Department

Poor Clark. Clearly, if he weren't forced to play the part of a meek, mild-mannered sort, he could pursue one heck of a lawsuit. Talk about a hostile work environment!

Words Matter; People Matter More

On Monday, I attended the U of A Press' book launch of Lois Hole Speaks: Words that Matter. The book is a collection of the speeches Lois delivered during her time as Chancellor of the University of Alberta, and as Alberta's Lieutenant Governor.

Mark Lisac has done an admirable job of editing the work, choosing the best, most representative speeches out of hundreds. And he's put them in a historical context, with an illuminating overview of the political scene in Alberta. It's interesting reading, though I suppose I'm a little biased, having served as Lois' speechwriter at the time.

I had hoped, when I was working on those speeches, that they might help make Alberta's relatively right-wing political culture a little more progressive. Judging by the last election, that hope may have been in vain; on the other hand, perhaps each speech was just another piece of a much larger puzzle, involving many more people, a path to a more compassionate society that will take some time to build.

Lisac does point out that Conservative cabinet ministers did, on several occasions, take Lois' advice seriously, and that the speeches may have resulted in government policies less reactionary than they might otherwise have been. I suppose that's progress of a sort, and if one person in need was helped by Lois' passion, obviously the effort was worth it.

It was nice to see old friends from Hole's and from the Lieutanant Governor's staff; one of them is getting ready to head back to Afghanistan for another tour of duty. I hope she'll be okay, and I hope she can make life a little better for the people of that long-suffering nation.

I'm a Professional Photographer, Apparently

This enigmatic photo appeared in an Ottawa Citizen story here.

The photo is credited to yours truly. I do have vague memories of taking the shot; I'm pretty sure it's Jim Hole's hand. We were writing an article on the proper pruning cut. How the shot wound up in the Citizen, WITH credit, is a mystery to me.

Making Repairs

During the election, I removed all of my links - without saving them first. I've found several of my friends' sites again, but for those of you I've missed and who would like to be linked to, just send me an email or post your URL in the comments after this post.

Sorry, Wrong Number

Seconds ago, my phone rang:

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this the place where you get the mattresses?"

"Um, I'm sorry, I don't think so. Well, I have a mattress, but I'm using it."

"Okay, thank you!"

We're back!

With the Alberta General Election of 2008 over, I can return to blogging! As you can see from the last couple of posts, my original plan was to blog as I campaigned, but I quickly discovered that there weren't enough hours in the day for writing - let alone eating and sleeping.

While the outcome of the election was disappointing for me (for those of you who haven't heard, the Progressive Conservatives won still another overwhelming majority), I have no regrets whatsoever about running. It was a profound experience. I had the privelege of meeting hundreds of Albertans, I had fun with a wide variety of media outlets (and thanks to CBC, Global Television, CKUA, CTV, City TV, the Sturgeon Creek Post, Edmonton Journal, Edmonton Sun and Fort Saskatchewan Record for covering my campaign!), and enjoyed the support of dozens of friends and family members. I also had a lot of fun at the Candidate Forum in Fort Saskatchewan, though I do wish the Premier had shown up to debate.

For the record, I came in second in my particular race, with a little over 1300 votes. Premier Ed Stelmach, as many expected, came in first place, with over 11,000 votes. With a result like that, you have to laugh a little - I believe that I must have the record for "number of votes between first and second place." Almost a 10,000 vote gap! I was right on his tail.

I'm very proud of my fellow candidates and the many staff and volunteers who poured their hearts and souls into this campaign. Every one of them participated in this race because they genuinely believe in the importance of good government and of serving the public with diligence and compassion.

To many people, politics is a dirty word, a necessary evil. But I've always felt that politics is about solving problems, helping those in need, managing resources for the benefit of all, and perhaps most importantly, building a better tomorrow for our descendants.

Stepping forward as a candidate felt a little arrogant. I asked myself time and again, "Who am I to suggest that I can help run a province? Do I really think I can solve problems that people smarter than me have wrestled with for decades?"

I don't know the answers to those questions. But I do know that if nobody tries to solve our problems, the problems will only get worse. And I believe that democracy will be better served when people of all cultural, economic and philosophical backgrounds feel comfortable enough and have sufficient resources to run for and attain public office.

Just a few scattered thoughts as life returns to normal. Thanks to all my readers (all nine of you) for bearing with me.

The Egg Insurmountable

Day Two: Homelessness - Moving Beyond the Shelter

Most of us have encountered homeless people. Sometimes they ask for help, and whenever I'm approached, I give what I can. (Sometimes I wonder how debit cards have affected the homeless; so many people don't carry around cash anymore.) And I give thanks that I've never been put in such a precarious situation.

It's astounding that a province as bountiful as Alberta is home to a growing number of homeless citizens. It's time to do better.

Today, the Alberta Liberals launched our action plan for homelessness. Led by Alberta Liberal candidate for Calgary-Currie, Dave Taylor, the Alberta Liberal research team has developed a solid, workable plan that will ease the affordable housing shortage and help homeless Albertans move beyond the shelter and into safe, affordable, secure and permanent homes.

It's time to do the right thing for Alberta's homeless citizens. Please have a look at the plan here.

Alberta Provincial Election 2008: Day One

On March 3rd, Albertans will elect a new government. I'm proud to serve as the Alberta Liberal candidate for Fort Saskatchewan-Vegreville.

Longtime readers of my blog know that my love for absurdist humour is driven by my desire to call attention to injustice. By running for office, I hope to take a more active role in helping people lead better lives.

After 37 years of one-party government in Alberta, it's time for change. Alberta Liberal Leader Kevin Taft has a terrific action plan for helping Albertans and our province reach their full potential.

In the days and weeks to come, I'll share my campaign experiences with you, along with highlights of the Alberta Liberal plan to help people flourish in a healthy environment; to build a compassionate and secure society; to create an economic climate of unequalled opportunity and permanent prosperity; and to bring openness and accountability back to government.